Tell me a funny joke and recieve a Hi5 ...

[Kyle Ricky]

I am in a giving mood. So anyone who tells me a funny joke and make me laugh, will get a hi5 ...

And just as a warning. Pig fell in the mud is not a funny joke 

[ExGeeEye]

Whddayacalla fly with no wings?

A walk.

[franksolich]

My favorite, because it's practically my biography; I tell it every October, on the anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar.

One day Admiral Lord Nelson was abovedecks scanning the horizon, when the guy up in the crows' nest hollered down to him, "Hey Admiral Lord Nelson, there's a French ship out there."

Admiral Lord Nelson nodded, and turning to his assistant, "Go down belowdecks and get my red coat."

The assistant came back with the red coat, and inquired, "Hey Admiral Lord Nelson, how come every time we see an enemy ship, you ask for your red coat?"

Admiral Lord Nelson turned to him and said, "You see, if I get wounded in battle, the red covers the blood, and the crew doesn't see I'm wounded, and so don't lose heart."

A few minutes later, the guy up in the crows' nest hollered down, "Hey Admiral Lord Nelson, there's the whole French fleet out there."

Admiral Lord Nelson looked at his assistant and ordered, "Go down belowdecks and get my brown pants."

[A7X_foREVer]

What is the difference between a wife and mistress?
45 pounds

What is the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
45 minutes

And last but not least if the dove is the bird of peace what is the bird of true love?
The swallow

[A7X_foREVer]

My favorite, because it's practically my biography; I tell it every October, on the anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar.

One day Admiral Lord Nelson was abovedecks scanning the horizon, when the guy up in the crows' nest hollered down to him, "Hey Admiral Lord Nelson, there's a French ship out there."

Admiral Lord Nelson nodded, and turning to his assistant, "Go down belowdecks and get my red coat."

The assistant came back with the red coat, and inquired, "Hey Admiral Lord Nelson, how come every time we see an enemy ship, you ask for your red coat?"

Admiral Lord Nelson turned to him and said, "You see, if I get wounded in battle, the red covers the blood, and the crew doesn't see I'm wounded, and so don't lose heart."

A few minutes later, the guy up in the crows' nest hollered down, "Hey Admiral Lord Nelson, there's the whole French fleet out there."

Admiral Lord Nelson looked at his assistant and ordered, "Go down belowdecks and get my brown pants."

That was funny how can I give you a high five?

[franksolich]

That was funny how can I give you a high five?

"High-5"s are given by punching on the blue [High Five] thingamajig to the left of each comment.

[Kyle Ricky]

Lol, they are some good ones. Frank, I heard that one before from Bill Engvall.

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqHPqTDHxJs[/youtube]

They tell their favorite jokes, and the brown pants is part of it.

That was funny how can I give you a high five?

Once you hit 100 posts, you will have the option available

[EagleKeeper]

"High-5"s are given by punching on the blue [High Five] thingamajig to the left of each comment.

He's not "there" yet, but he does owe you one.

[franksolich]

Lol, they are some good ones. Frank, I heard that one before from Bill Engvall.

They tell their favorite jokes, and the brown pants is part of it.

In my lifelong occupation of being deaf, I usually wear brown pants or shorts (depending upon the weather).

It helps when dealing with abrupt surprises one walks into.

[Kyle Ricky]

In my lifelong occupation of being deaf, I usually wear brown pants or shorts (depending upon the weather).

It helps when dealing with abrupt surprises one walks into.

I know what you mean. lol

Keep them coming guys. I love a good joke. 

[zeitgeist]

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego ?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blond. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde,” but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."
 

[Kyle Ricky]

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego ?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blond. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde,” but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."
 

  Zeitgeist, that is hilarious. LOL

[CactusCarlos]

I am in a giving mood. So anyone who tells me a funny joke and make me laugh, will get a hi5 ...

A Russian and American and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "we were the first in space!". The American said," We were the first on the moon!". The blonde said "so what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads." You can't land on the sun, you idiot, you'll burn up!", said the Russian. To which blonde replied, " We're NOT stupid you know, we're going at night!"

[Zeus]

A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates.

St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."

"Okay" the man says, "I attended church every Sunday"
"That's good, says St. Peter, " that's worth two points"

"Two points?" he says. "Well, I gave 10% of all my earnings to the church"
"Well, let's see," answers Peter, "that's worth another 2 points. Did you do anything else?"

"Two points? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."
"Fantastic, that's certainly worth a point, " he says.

"hmmm...," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."
"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"

"THREE POINTS!!" the man cries, "At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!"

"Come on in!"

[Kyle Ricky]

Good ones Cactus and Zeus. I like those. I am going to share that one with my pastor, Zeus.  

^5 to everyone on here. Keep them coming ..... 

[Zeus]

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So.... he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the associate pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord
while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
Saint Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
"Why did you let him do that?"The Lord smiled and replied,
"Who's he going to tell?"

[obumazombie]

A Priest, a pedophile, and a child molester walk into a bar, and that was just the first guy.

[Kyle Ricky]

lol, good ones. I am going to share that with my pastor also, zeus.

[CactusCarlos]

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. " Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, " How can I get to the other side?". The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river and shouts back, " You ARE on the other side."

[Kyle Ricky]

LOL, good one, Cactus.

Keep them coming.

[Zeus]

An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

[Kyle Ricky]

An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

 

[Mr Mannn]

OK. This was in the news. In the Mediterranean, two tanker ships collided and sank. One was carrying red paint and the other was carrying blue paint.
.......................Its feared the survivors are marooned...

[Mr Mannn]

Wait! Wait! I got another one!

OK, this plane full of circus performers goes down in a dark jungle. All the circus folk were eaten by cannibals.
Two cannibals were eating a clown when one turned to the other and said..."Does this taste funny to you?"

[obumazombie]

A cannibal passed his mother in law in the woods.