If your daughter gave birth to a beautiful little girl but didn't want the responsibility of caring for her, you would still allow her to go out partying and getting drunk as hell while YOU played the mother role of your granddaughter?
This is what's wrong with all of these damn teen mothers running around. They think they want a baby, but then they realize how much work and money it takes to care for a child. That work gets in the way of their party lives. We need to start teaching these children that you cannot pop out a child, hand off the responsibility to someone else, and continue with their partying/clubbing.
Guess I'm just old fashioned.
Jess .... you need to look at what Vesta said and what you said, a wee bit differently.
Vesta's looking at it from a grandmother's viewpoint....you are looking at it from a young mother's viewpoint.
Yes, it is the mother's responsibility - AND THE FATHER'S - to care and provide all the needs, nurturing, ect for the child.
But IF the mother and/or father does not do their job...what are you as a grandmother going to do about it? A grandparent - who is in the near vicinity - is going to step in and
do whatever it takes to care for their grandchild. The grandparent is going to make sure the child is cared for, provided for and nurtured.
Because the alternative, is at best...the child is just neglected, middle of the road is going into the foster care system, and the worst....well, Caylee is the best example of worst case scenario - a dead baby.
Your parents are halfway across the country from you, so it's left up to you and your husband and ONLY the two of you,to do everything for your daughter....because there is no help coming from family. I was in the same situation with my kids - I lived almost to the east coast and my parents and my ex's were smack dab in the middle or in the case of his parents, they were in AZ in the winter. They weren't going to fly in for us to go out and party!! Or take over babysitting for whatever reason.
But my daughter lives 25 minutes from me on the north end of the county...I DO help her with taking the kids, if they can't go to daycare either because the daycare is closed or they are sick, and she has to work (she's the only X-ray tech in the clinic and he is an radiology interventionist in the trauma unit at a hospital, they can't work from home in an emergency). Her MIL, who lives about the same distance to the SE (I'm SW), also will help if she's not working(she's a cardiac nurse) . But neither one of us, take the munchkins so that the kids can go party...that's what babysitters are for.
I have seen or read about young mothers, out partying, while the kid's left with a babysitter, a boyfriend, daddy's girlfriend, grandparents. This isn't a new phenomenon....it was going on when I was back in my early 20's and hitting the bars after work with friends. I know it was going on when my older (by 5yrs) step-sister was that age...because she was the one doing it and leaving her daughter with my other step-sister who was 2 yrs younger with a husband and a baby!
The difference between Casey/Caylee and the majority of other young single mothers out cattin' around, is that their child doesn't end up dead, or abused, or in foster care. Maybe neglected a bit, compared to the way you, or I, or any of the other women here treat our kids, but not so much to do real damage to the child. (heck, my kids tell me I'm still a heliocopter mom!)
You say that's what's wrong with these teenage moms.... Jess, you can't judge all teenage moms or young 20's, or any age mom these days...based on the actions of a small percentage of young single moms.
There are only a few choices out there...
1. Better sex education taught in the schools - because obviously the girl wasn't learning about abstinence and birth control at home or she wouldn't have gotten pregnant.
(I would like to point out that birth control is not 100% effective, even when properly used!! I have a 4yr old grandson to prove it!)
2. Abortion's a choice. Don't anybody get in a snit with me over saying that either, because it IS a legal choice...and as long as it is a LEGAL CHOICE....it is available for an unwanted pregnancy.
3. Carry the child to term and give it up for adoption. Spend you life wondering if your child/grandchild is healthy, happy and safe.
4. Carry the child to term and keep it. Either raise it as a single parent, get married, get help from family and friends in some capacity.
4 choices....that's it, and as far as I'm concerned....I prefer 1 and 4. 2 and 3 are not acceptable - TO ME.
Once the child has arrived....someone has to take care of it, and if the mother's not going to do it, then
hopefully there's a grandmother around like Vesta, or me, or Bou, or any of the other grandparents here...who instead of wasting their time trying to "fix" an adult child, step in and take over the grandchild's care to make sure that nothing happens to that child.
You are a very good mom Jess....your child is always at the forefront of your life and your husband's. She's a very lucky little girl.