Author Topic: General humor thread  (Read 38703 times)

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Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #425 on: July 22, 2012, 02:26:21 PM »
My daughter walked into the family living room last night and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget the college tuition, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window; take my TV, iPhone, iPod, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my car, take my front door key away from me, and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to anyone that wants it."

Well, she didn't put it quite like that.

She actually said, "Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Muhammed. We're going to work together on President Obama's re-election campaign."

Offline Bondai

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #426 on: August 29, 2012, 10:24:30 AM »
A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender say's "That's cool as hell where did you get it?" The parrot say's "Africa, there's million's of them". :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:
« Last Edit: August 29, 2012, 11:05:15 AM by Bondai »


"It's mercy, compassion, and forgiveness I lack; not rationality".

Offline Big Don

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #427 on: October 29, 2012, 10:50:06 PM »
Did you hear about the woman who got oak breast implants?
…this joke would probably be better if it had a punchline, wooden tit?
Change You can deceive in!

Offline sneakypete

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Re: The Coach/Humor
« Reply #428 on: August 05, 2017, 06:24:11 PM »
 Someone send me this in an email,and it's too good to not share.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"

"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "

Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him an asshole. Do you understand all that?"

Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.

The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not a dumb ass decision or that the  coach is a shithead is it?"

"No, coach."

"Good", said the coach.

"Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother."

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In the entire history of the world,the only nations that had to build walls to keep their own citizens from leaving were those with leftist governments.