Author Topic: General humor thread  (Read 68713 times)

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Offline Golem

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General humor thread
« on: November 09, 2009, 06:10:00 PM »
Do you have a joke, video, pic, or other humorous item to post, but you're too lazy to give it a thread of its own, or you don't think it justifies its own thread?

Put it here.  :-)

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #1 on: November 09, 2009, 06:10:25 PM »
Everyone is in a hurry to scream 'racism' these days!

A man at the store asks the clerk, 'In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?'

The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'

The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something.

'If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a Kosher hot dog would you ask if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would you? Would you?

The clerk says, 'Well, no!'

'If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?'

'Well, I probably wouldn't!'

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, 'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?'

The clerk replies, 'Because you're in Home Depot.'

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #2 on: November 09, 2009, 06:11:13 PM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #3 on: November 09, 2009, 06:15:52 PM »
From The Hollywood Knights:

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JjIIHOy5qs[/youtube]

Offline Chris

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2009, 06:21:34 PM »
LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION

    Trevor Adams, my assistant programmer, can always be found
    hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without
    wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never
    thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
    finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
    measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
    breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
    vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
    knowledge in his field.. I firmly believe that Trevor can be
    classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
    dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be
    promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
    executed as soon as possible.

    Addendum: The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2009, 06:25:48 PM »


Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2009, 06:26:36 PM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #7 on: November 09, 2009, 06:33:07 PM »
Robots Can't Act

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S8YK-2waOk[/youtube]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcciN15D4QQ[/youtube]

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #8 on: November 09, 2009, 06:35:41 PM »
Relax. This is satire. It's mocking racism.

Foreigners Around the World
P. J. O'Rourke
National Lampoon
May 1976






« Last Edit: November 09, 2009, 06:37:46 PM by Golem »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #9 on: November 09, 2009, 06:46:22 PM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2009, 06:47:53 PM »
CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'


Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say and I feel Great. I be at work soon......... You got Nice house'

Offline ColonialMarine0431

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #11 on: November 09, 2009, 07:24:21 PM »
 :rotf:
I'll See Your Jihad and Raise You One Crusade

Offline IassaFTots

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #12 on: November 09, 2009, 08:10:37 PM »
 :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:

Man, I needed that tonight!
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

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"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~ Martin Luther King
 
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Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #13 on: November 10, 2009, 11:40:34 AM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #14 on: November 10, 2009, 11:42:36 AM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #15 on: November 10, 2009, 11:51:36 AM »
(moved to companion Shortbus-NSFW thread)
« Last Edit: November 10, 2009, 02:07:03 PM by Golem »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #16 on: November 10, 2009, 11:52:03 AM »
(moved to companion Shortbus-NSFW thread)
« Last Edit: November 10, 2009, 02:04:36 PM by Golem »

Offline Chris

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #17 on: November 10, 2009, 12:20:38 PM »
ha ha ha ha... I know what I'm sending out for Christmas cards this year. :rotf:
This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #18 on: November 10, 2009, 12:53:24 PM »
There is now a companion thread in the Shortbus-NSFW section.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #19 on: November 10, 2009, 02:12:02 PM »
The Golden Screw

There once was a little boy with a golden screw in his navel. His parents told him that the golden screw made him special.

He never worried about it, until he got to junior high school and had to change clothes for gym. The class bully saw the golden screw, and said, "hey everybody, check out the little kid with the golden screw in his navel!" Everybody laughed at him over the next few weeks, and he came to hate that little golden screw. He became an outcast at school, as all the other kids made fun of him. Even the kids who didn't mind the golden screw couldn't hang out with him, because their parents told them they couldn't talk to the weird kid with the screw in his navel.

The little boy would say to his parents, "Why me? Why do I have to be the kid with the golden screw in his navel?" and they'd say, "It makes you an individual!" and he'd say, "Well, I don't wanna be an individual, if it means being an outcast!" and every night, he would pray to God, asking that the golden screw disappear.

One day, after a particularly bad day of ribbing at school, the kid came home and went straight to his room. He cried all evening, and couldn't eat his dinner. when he finally went to bed, he made a special prayer. He said, "Lord, please remove the golden screw. I can't stand it any longer. I'll do anything, if you'll just remove the screw. Please, God, take it away. Amen."

And that night, while he was asleep, he had a dream. In the dream, a little golden fairy flew in the window....with a little golden screwdriver. She landed in his belly, and using the little golden screwdriver, she slowly unscrewed the little golden screw and took it out and flew away.

When the little boy woke up, he remembered the dream and though, "Could it be true? Could the little golden screw be gone?" and he lifted up the covers and looked... and it was! The screw was gone! He was so happy, and so excited! and he jumped up...

...and his ass fell off.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #20 on: November 10, 2009, 05:59:37 PM »

Offline Chris_

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #21 on: November 10, 2009, 09:13:23 PM »
3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow... Mad Cow disease. 2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird... Avian flu. This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig... Swine flu. Next year is the year of the cock...Anybody else worried?
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #22 on: November 11, 2009, 09:36:47 AM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #23 on: November 11, 2009, 09:43:32 AM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #24 on: November 11, 2009, 04:02:04 PM »
Kitteh Om Nom Nom

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnagRjxp7v4[/youtube]