« previous next »
Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Down

Author Topic: Sh*t my dad says  (Read 7627 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Chris

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1476
  • Reputation: +522/-16
Sh*t my dad says
« on: August 25, 2009, 11:40:16 AM »
http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays
Quote
"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."
Quote
"Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."
Quote
"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."
Quote
"The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside."

:rotf:
Logged
This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2009, 07:08:56 AM »
Quote
"How the **** should I know if it's still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn't good. You people, you think I got microscopic ****ing eyes."
about 15 hours ago from web
:rotf: I love guys like this!  :lmao:
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2009, 10:16:51 AM »
Quote
"The dog is not bored, it's a ****ing dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a ****ing rubix cube. He's a god damned dog."
:lmao: :lmao: I love this guy! Wish he were my dad! :rotf:
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2009, 10:20:32 AM »
Quote
Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I'll answer.
9:33 AM Aug 7th from web
:rotf: I like how he thinks! :cheersmate:
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!

Offline DixieBelle

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12143
  • Reputation: +512/-49
  • Still looking for my pony.....
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #4 on: August 26, 2009, 10:39:01 AM »
OMG it IS my dad!!!
Logged
I can see November 2 from my house!!!

Spread my work ethic, not my wealth.

Forget change, bring back common sense.
-------------------------------------------------

No, my friends, there’s only one really progressive idea. And that is the idea of legally limiting the power of the government. That one genuinely liberal, genuinely progressive idea — the Why in 1776, the How in 1787 — is what needs to be conserved. We need to conserve that fundamentally liberal idea. That is why we are conservatives. --Bill Whittle

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #5 on: August 26, 2009, 11:41:46 AM »
Quote from: DixieBelle on August 26, 2009, 10:39:01 AM
OMG it IS my dad!!!
Do you have abrother named Justin? lol!
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #6 on: August 26, 2009, 12:13:44 PM »
Quote
"The dog don't like you planting stuff there. It's his backyard. If you're the only one who shits in something, you own it. Remember that."
:lmao: Very wise man!
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 23049
  • Reputation: +2233/-269
  • Voted Rookie-of-the-Year, 3 years running
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #7 on: August 26, 2009, 04:16:39 PM »
Shit my kid's dad says:

Quote
She's like a sister to me. No, make that a step-sister; because wanting to boink a full-blooded sister would be wrong.

Quote
He's schizophrenic, he does that. Would it make you feel better if I gave him a BlueTooth?

Quote
I bet you could suck-start a .357.
Logged
According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #8 on: August 26, 2009, 04:20:11 PM »
Quote from: Mr Snuggle Bunny on August 26, 2009, 04:16:39 PM
Shit my kid's dad says:

Got a link MSB?  :lmao:
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 23049
  • Reputation: +2233/-269
  • Voted Rookie-of-the-Year, 3 years running
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #9 on: August 26, 2009, 04:31:00 PM »
Logged
According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #10 on: August 26, 2009, 04:35:00 PM »
Quote from: Mr Snuggle Bunny on August 26, 2009, 04:31:00 PM
My kid's dad = me
Yes I realize that but are you archiving them electronically? Would love to add it to my favorites for perusal! :-)
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!

Offline Eupher

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24894
  • Reputation: +2828/-1828
  • U.S. Army, Retired
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #11 on: August 26, 2009, 04:40:59 PM »
A couple from my Dad, who passed last year:

* "Put that down. You got tinkeritis or something?"
* "Thatsa girl" (said sarcastically to either me or my brother after we performed a relatively simple operation like rebuild a 455 cubic inch Pontiac engine after a rod exploded inside cylinder #3, screwing up the main journals and ripping apart the cam).
*  "You wanna knuckle sandwich? Stop yer whinin'. You wanna whine? I'll give you somethin' to whine about."
Logged
Adams E2 Euphonium, built in 2017
Boosey & Co. Imperial Euphonium, built in 1941
Edwards B454 bass trombone, built 2012
Bach Stradivarius 42OG tenor trombone, built 1992
Kanstul 33-T BBb tuba, built 2011
Fender Precision Bass Guitar, built ?
Mouthpiece data provided on request.

Offline JohnnyReb

  • In Memoriam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 32063
  • Reputation: +1997/-134
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #12 on: August 27, 2009, 11:57:38 AM »
A couple my Dad said.....remember this would be in the 50's early 60's.

"Boy, don't you let some little girl get you in trouble."

"Boy, if you'd leave the hood down on that damn car you wouldn't spend so much time sit'n on the side of the road."

...and the one they all learn in "Dad-School"..."What the hell have you done now!"
Logged
“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #13 on: August 27, 2009, 12:11:04 PM »
Quote from: JohnnyReb on August 27, 2009, 11:57:38 AM
...and the one they all learn in "Dad-School"..."What the hell have you done now!"

Nobody told me that there was an A-school for the "dad" MOS .   I just sorta got tossed my kit, they told me "you're a dad now" and left me to figure it out for myself.
Logged
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline dutch508

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12523
  • Reputation: +1647/-1068
  • Remember
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #14 on: August 27, 2009, 12:35:33 PM »
Quote from: DefiantSix on August 27, 2009, 12:11:04 PM
Nobody told me that there was an A-school for the "dad" MOS .   I just sorta got tossed my kit, they told me "you're a dad now" and left me to figure it out for myself.

That's OJT right there, brother.
Logged
The torch of moral clarity since 12/18/07

2016 DOTY: 06 Omaha Steve - Is dying for ****'s face! How could you not vote for him, you heartless bastards!?!

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #15 on: August 27, 2009, 02:59:39 PM »
"Your mother rented this film, What Happens In Vegas. I thought it was going to be non-fiction, but it's fiction, and it's about some idiot. :lmao:
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #16 on: August 31, 2009, 07:57:14 AM »
Quote
(watching the Little League World Series) "These kids are all fat. I remember when you were in little league.... You were fat."
:lmao:
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!

Offline Wayne

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1851
  • Reputation: +1808/-15
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #17 on: August 31, 2009, 08:01:25 AM »
 "Social security wont be there when I retire."  Now my kids are saying that.. naner I get mine..........
Logged

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #18 on: September 01, 2009, 01:43:43 AM »
"What are you stupid? You can't polish chrome!"

OK, wasn't my dad, it was Noel's brother, the ****in moron
Logged
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 23049
  • Reputation: +2233/-269
  • Voted Rookie-of-the-Year, 3 years running
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #19 on: September 01, 2009, 04:57:19 PM »
Quote
"Her hands were unbelievably soft; it was aawesome. It's like she skinned a baby and sewed it to her fingers."

--my kid's dad
Logged
According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."

Offline Chris

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1476
  • Reputation: +522/-16
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2009, 12:06:11 PM »
ha ha ha ha...

Quote
"I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it...No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."
Logged
This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #21 on: October 16, 2009, 10:50:13 AM »
Quote
['You don't know shit, and you're not shit. Don't take that the wrong way, that was meant to cheer you up."
12:01 PM Sep 9th from web /quote] :rotf:
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #22 on: October 16, 2009, 10:53:46 AM »
Quote
"You're being ****ing dramatic. You own a TV and an air mattress. That's not exactly what I'd call "a lot to lose
:lmao:
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!

Offline Eupher

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24894
  • Reputation: +2828/-1828
  • U.S. Army, Retired
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #23 on: October 16, 2009, 10:55:49 AM »
Quote
Stop pissing all over the toilet seat. That's my job.

 :rotf:
Logged
Adams E2 Euphonium, built in 2017
Boosey & Co. Imperial Euphonium, built in 1941
Edwards B454 bass trombone, built 2012
Bach Stradivarius 42OG tenor trombone, built 1992
Kanstul 33-T BBb tuba, built 2011
Fender Precision Bass Guitar, built ?
Mouthpiece data provided on request.

Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

  • Holy Crap! Look at my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3759
  • Reputation: +218/-69
  • OBAMA PHONE!
Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #24 on: October 16, 2009, 11:17:55 AM »
Quote
"Does anyone your age know how to comb their ****ing hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started ****ing."
:lmao: :rotf:
Logged
Call me "Asshole" One more time!
Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Up
« previous next »