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Offline Splashdown

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #25 on: October 16, 2009, 11:29:58 AM »
Quote from: DefiantSix on August 27, 2009, 12:11:04 PM
Nobody told me that there was an A-school for the "dad" MOS .   I just sorta got tossed my kit, they told me "you're a dad now" and left me to figure it out for myself.

It's cool that my kit includes how to pack 27 suitcases (I have a wife and two little daughters)  into a trunk tetris-style for a family vacation. My dad could do that. All of a sudden, I learned it, too!
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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #26 on: October 16, 2009, 11:32:04 AM »
More from Mr. Snuggle Bunny's Guide to Parenting:

How's my favorite son doing?

*pause for response*

Not you; your brother.

*pause for response*

No, I don't pick favorites with my children; I think you should have to compete for it.
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Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #27 on: October 16, 2009, 12:47:37 PM »
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"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."
:lmao: Wise man!
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Offline Chump

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #28 on: October 26, 2009, 11:44:49 AM »
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"I like the dog. If he can't eat it, or **** it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that."

 :lmao:
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Offline IassaFTots

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #29 on: October 26, 2009, 11:56:08 AM »
I don't remember too much from my Dad except "Don't pick your nose."  But my mom?

"You want sympathy?  I will tell you where to find it in the dictionary, right between shit and syphillis." 

(Note: Had no clue what syphillis was, much less how to spell it.)

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Offline Mike220

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #30 on: October 26, 2009, 12:31:02 PM »
Quote from: IassaFTots on October 26, 2009, 11:56:08 AM
I don't remember too much from my Dad except "Don't pick your nose."  But my mom?

"You want sympathy?  I will tell you where to find it in the dictionary, right between shit and syphillis." 

(Note: Had no clue what syphillis was, much less how to spell it.)



Same here. My dad passed when I was 12. My mom's favorite started when I was about 13 and passed her in height. She's 6 feet tall...

"With a chair and a baseball bat, I can still take you out."
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Offline Chris

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #31 on: November 01, 2009, 12:23:26 PM »
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"Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it."
Quote
"You sure do like to tailgate people... Right, because it's real important you show up to the nothing you have to do on time."
:rotf:
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Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #32 on: November 02, 2009, 09:22:41 AM »
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"If mom calls, tell her I'm shitting... Son, marriage is about not having to lie about taking a shit."
9:46 AM Oct 26th from web
:-) Well said! :lmao:
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Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #33 on: November 04, 2009, 12:46:23 PM »
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"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."
:lmao: I so wanna say this to all the Blackberry fanatics i run into!
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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #34 on: November 05, 2009, 09:30:12 PM »
"We don't hit girls.

"I don't care if she was being annoying. If we hit girls every time they annoyed us we'd never get anything done."
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Offline Chris

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #35 on: November 06, 2009, 02:46:07 AM »
Quote from: Mr Snuggle Bunny on November 05, 2009, 09:30:12 PM
"We don't hit girls.

"I don't care if she was being annoying. If we hit girls every time they annoyed us we'd never get anything done."

Oh boy. :lmao:
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Offline DixieBelle

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #36 on: November 06, 2009, 09:03:44 AM »
:rofl: OMG!!!
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Offline RobJohnson

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #37 on: November 06, 2009, 09:36:05 AM »
Quote from: Mr Snuggle Bunny on November 05, 2009, 09:30:12 PM
"We don't hit girls.

"I don't care if she was being annoying. If we hit girls every time they annoyed us we'd never get anything done."


Very true.  :rotf:
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Offline thundley4

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Re: Sh*t my dad says headed to TV
« Reply #38 on: November 10, 2009, 03:37:38 PM »
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Twitter fave Shit My Dad Says heads to TV
Twitter sensation Shit My Dad Says is headed to television.

CBS has picked up a comedy project based on the Twitter account, which has enlisted more than 700,000 followers since launching in August and has made its creator, Justin Halpern, an Internet star.

"Will & Grace" creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick are on board to executive produce and supervise the writing for the multicamera family comedy, which Halpern will co-pen with Patrick Schumacker. Halpern and Schumacker will also co-exec produce the Warner Bros. TV-produced project, which has received a script commitment.

The comedy's title will change if it gets on the air. (ya think?)

Halpern, 29, had moved back in with his parents in San Diego, and on Aug. 3 he launched "Shit My Dad Says," a Twitter feed featuring colorful -- often profane -- comments and pearls of wisdom made by his 73-year-old father during their daily conversations.
HollywoodReporter

Why not put it on cable ?
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Offline Mike220

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #39 on: November 10, 2009, 04:07:19 PM »
****in' A, right. Don't mix shit with the Makers...

Quote
"I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain't mixing ****ing makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' ****ing umbrella in it"
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Offline Odin's Hand

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #40 on: November 10, 2009, 05:26:18 PM »
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"Why the **** would I want to live to 100? I'm 73 and shit's starting to get boring. By the way, there's no money left when I go, just fyi."

That's pretty good.
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Offline Golem

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #41 on: November 10, 2009, 05:58:00 PM »
This site is freaking hysterical!  :lmao:
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Offline Odin's Hand

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #42 on: November 10, 2009, 06:17:28 PM »
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"Don't listen to the ***** side of you when you make a decision. People gravitate towards being a *****. Remove the *****, son."
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Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #43 on: November 23, 2009, 03:45:58 PM »
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“We’re banned from the dog park. Well, I guess it’s okay to hump, and it’s okay to bark, but both at the same time freaks people out."
:lmao: :lmao:
« Last Edit: November 23, 2009, 04:05:08 PM by Chris »
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Offline 5412

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #44 on: November 26, 2009, 03:06:37 PM »
Quote from: DefiantSix on August 27, 2009, 12:11:04 PM
Nobody told me that there was an A-school for the "dad" MOS .   I just sorta got tossed my kit, they told me "you're a dad now" and left me to figure it out for myself.

Hi,

I am damn near 70 and I can relate with that one.  My dad left when I was three months old, my mother remarried and I got sent to a boarding school.  All of a sudden I was 22 with three kids in diapers trying to figure out what the hell to do.  My training was watching Ozzie and Harriett and My Three Sons on TV and my Marine Corps DI.  Of the three, the DI was most accurate.  

I got a do over and ended up raising a step child.  Much better step father than I was a father, but there was unconditional love....coupled with smartass remarks along both roads.  Now I hear my kids, particularly my oldest daughter, telling her kids the same stuff I told them.  My step daughter would make a good DI.  She is having to train her two boys and her husband and doing a pretty good job of it.

regards,
5412
« Last Edit: November 26, 2009, 03:08:09 PM by 5412 »
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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #45 on: November 27, 2009, 09:06:47 PM »
"No, he is not a nice boy. There is no such thing as a nice boy. There are boys and then there are fags."
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Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #46 on: December 02, 2009, 09:01:44 PM »
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"Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still shit your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough shit."
:lmao:  :lmao:
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Offline SilverOrchid

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #47 on: December 05, 2009, 11:57:14 PM »
Quote
"I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. **** that. I'm old. I'm through moving shit."

 :lmao:
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Offline Chump

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #48 on: December 17, 2009, 08:45:23 AM »
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"I like See's candy. Put me in a See's store, I'm eating candy. The whole world is Tiger's See's store, and the candy is vagina."
9:14 AM Dec 14th from web

 :lmao: :lmao:
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Political tags - such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth - are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire.   ~Robert A. Heinlein

...let the cannibal who snarls that the freedom of man's mind was needed to create an industrial civilization, but is not needed to maintain it, be given an arrowhead and bearskin, not a university chair of economics.
~Atlas Shrugged, Galt's speech

Offline vesta111

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #49 on: December 19, 2009, 11:28:48 AM »
Quote from: IassaFTots on October 26, 2009, 11:56:08 AM
I don't remember too much from my Dad except "Don't pick your nose."  But my mom?

"You want sympathy?  I will tell you where to find it in the dictionary, right between shit and syphillis." 

(Note: Had no clue what syphillis was, much less how to spell it.)



My word, Iassa, your mother was my father.   Wonder how that makes us related.?

Dad had a healthy vocabulary, I still cannot figure out the " Jesus Christ on a pogo stick" came from.

Don't tell your mother I gave you a beer, [I was 30 years old]=======Me to my kids, "don't tell Grandma I gave Grandpa a beer."

That neighbor believe it or not is a millionare but he don't have a damn cent. 

1969  on the moon landing,   ": Put enough TNT under a brick out house and anyone can go to the moon.   Himmmmmmmm, don't even want to go there.

In a mood of contemplation's Oceans are dieing, has been since the 1940's when I saw the changes in the coral off Key West.  Dad rode the ASR's  as master Diver and Rigger for 22 years.

Every thin boy I dated was a " Pecker neck kid."

That Admiral Rickover is the Father of the nuclear navy, he has balls the size of beach balls. 

Calling me in tears,   We lost the Thresher.

Refusing to talk to me when the Scorpion went down, my Hubby left on a Boomer the next day.

Some time in the late 1980's we were standing on the front lawn facing the river and out of the blue Daddy says, " some day there will be orange trees on this spot."

Anyone touch my lobster traps and I will shoot a hole in their boat below the water line.,

Few memories of him as a kid, he was Carear Navy,  quite an experience for me to have a dad around all the time.   For the first 12 years of my life he would come and go, no time to even get to know the man.   Then he retired and I too my surprise found I was living with a knuckle dragging deck ape.

To listen to Dad one would think him a rip roaring raciest, he used every term know to man about everyone.   I asked him once, just once why he put down everyone different from us.  He replied that a true Yankee disparages everyone different from them.   But they save the worse for their own kind...   

Darn Xmas and memory's of Daddy and the good times.

Oh yes------Wish in one hand and crap in the other.

Someone needs to give you a hit between the running lights.

But the best thing I remember is his having a T 'Shirt with   DILLIGAF, Bar and Grill on the front.



 







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