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Author Topic: Sh*t my dad says  (Read 7630 times)

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Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #50 on: December 29, 2009, 06:43:32 AM »
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"Mom is smarter than you...No? Well, ask yourself this; has mom ever unknowingly had toilet paper hanging out of her ass?...Mom 1. You 0"
:lmao:
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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #51 on: January 08, 2010, 05:53:04 PM »
Bunlet: Dad, what's a con-n-dom?

MSB: It's a thing to keep you from having kids.

Bunlet: How does it work?

MSB: Not very well.
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Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #52 on: January 12, 2010, 07:41:48 PM »
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“Yes I got him a gift. He had a kidney stone. You piss a rock through your pecker, you deserve more than just a pat on the ****ing back."
Hear Hear! God those suck! :lmao:
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Offline Chris

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #53 on: February 07, 2010, 10:51:03 AM »
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Don't mess with him...Trust me, you don't **** with a man that sleeps next to a woman he never screws. They're unpredictable.
:lmao:
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Offline NHSparky

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #54 on: February 14, 2010, 12:12:20 PM »
In honor of Valentine's Day:

"Nah, we don't celebrate it. Don't know who St. Valentine was, don't give a shit, and doubt he wants people screwing in his memory."
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Offline 5412

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #55 on: February 16, 2010, 08:41:15 PM »


Hi,

My grandfather was a dairy farmer and I used to spend summers on the farm:

Don't force it get a bigger hammer....

Paint some hair on it then you can get it in.

At the time he said that I was like 8 years old and had no clue, but my uncle was laughing his ass off.

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Offline DefiantSix

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #56 on: February 22, 2010, 05:16:28 PM »
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"A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed."
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Offline Alpha Mare

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #57 on: March 17, 2010, 04:28:18 AM »
‘Shit My Dad Says’ Twitter Account Spurs CBS Show Starring William Shatner!
 :rotf: :rotf:
You heard that right.  Shatner will be starring in a show that is based on the Twitter account of a 29-year-old named Justin, who lives with his 74-year-old father.  Justin updates his Twitter account with quotes from his father – hence the title, “Shit My Dad Says.”

Here are some of his Father’s latest quotes:

“There’s a word for people like that…No, I’m saying, there’s a word and I don’t know what it is. I’m not being ****ing poetic.”

“Nah, we don’t celebrate it. Don’t know who St. Valentine was, don’t give a shit, and doubt he wants people screwing in his memory.”

“Don’t mess with him…Trust me, you don’t **** with a man that sleeps next to a woman he never screws. They’re unpredictable.”

“You can watch the house while I’m gone. Just don’t call me unless something’s on fire, and don’t screw in my bed.”

http://www.reviewstl.com/shit-my-dad-says-twitter-greenlit-cbs-show-william-shatner-0220/
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Offline Woodhick

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #58 on: March 27, 2010, 06:57:12 AM »
I remeber one time when I was about 13 and thought I was 30 I was eating dinner and my mom made mashed potatoes with onions in them. :mental:
I said i don't like mashed potatoes with onions in them.
My Dad looked at me and then slaped me up along side the head  :thatsright: and said, "I suppose you didn't like that either"!
Needless to say I ate the mashed potatoes, onions and all and never uttered another word during dinner. :popcorn:
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Offline Ree

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #59 on: March 27, 2010, 05:40:59 PM »
#    "Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature blowing the neighbor."   
 1:24 PM Feb 28th   via web   

 :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:
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Offline Chris

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #60 on: April 20, 2010, 07:15:28 PM »
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It’s Los Angeles, son. It’s the epicenter of the asshole earthquake. They’d **** you twice if they had another dick.

 :rotf:
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Offline DixieBelle

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #61 on: April 20, 2010, 07:20:37 PM »
OMG!!!!!!!!!!! So stealing that!!!!!!!
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Offline littlelamb

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Re: Sh*t my dad says
« Reply #62 on: April 25, 2010, 03:29:32 PM »
Just saw the site I have a few saved thanks for passing it on
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