nominating thread for the Top DUmmies of 2013 (closed)

[Tucker]

Thanks; it is in fact important, for "search" purposes.

Anyone's to feel free to correct my renditions of primitive screen-names, because I don't know them all, and so I might not get them right.

You need to update your dossier. I can help if needed.

[franksolich]

You need to update your dossier. I can help if needed.

Please do tell, so that I may correct.

I don't know all primitives equally; in fact, for obvious reasons, because he's a television celebrity, I never paid much attention to the stevenleser primitive.

[franksolich]

Here's an example of Tangerine LaBamba:

But, has anyone here ever read California Peggy's poetry?

Just on the basis of that, she deserves the top prize.  I'm pretty sure it was directly responsible for a number of the fires and landslides that took place in California, probably gave Charlie Manson one of his migraines, and even made Arnold Schwarzenegger think that maybe he was living in the wrong state.

Don't get me wrong - her poetry isn't bad.  It's awful.  It's the kind of thing that would blind God if He had to read it.  It's a collection of words that should be machine-gunned down, one by one, preferably out in the desert, with no witnesses, and a nice young girl who could be counted on to claim that she'd been shooting jackrabbits.  It's so bad, mirrors crack if anyone looking into a mirror while thinking of one of CP's poems runs the risk of permanent scarring, even blindness, while thinking of it as he peers into the mirror.

I don't want to say that it's the worst thing I've ever read, because I also once had to read a chapter of a book written by my dermatologist's brother-in-law (this happens when you have your first book published, and everyone suddenly has a manuscript they absolutely NEED you to read - it's a sure-fire best seller) in which every woman - and there was a new woman on every page - had the most amazing orgasm as soon as the man entered her.  Every time.  One stroke.

CP's poetry isn't that bad because I don't have to go to her and tell her that there are parts of it that need some work.

Her poetry needs immolation.  She needs to have all writing impletments and keyboards, paper, blank walls, toilet paper, paper towels, margins in newspapers, and even the blank part of framed works of art removed from her home until this idea that she's writing "poetry" passes.  Maybe medication will help.

[EagleKeeper]

So I'm guessing my attempted nomination of Vesta111 for DOTY is going to be denied.

That's fine.

It would have been a glorious campaign though, I could have made a better argument for Vesta then anyone could make for Nadin.

[franksolich]

You need to update your dossier. I can help if needed.

Right now, I'm organizing thirty-seven new ones; we got a whole library, and this librarian's been a little negligent in keeping it neat and tidy.

[Tucker]

Right now, I'm organizing thirty-seven new ones; we got a whole library, and this librarian's been a little negligent in keeping it neat and tidy.

Being on their MIRT team a few quarters ago, I got some real good inside dope on some of them.

Will PM you.

[GOP Congress]

I can hardly wait to get rid of pass on this trophy. The fireplace mantel has been smelling something fierce all year long.

[franksolich]

Okay, I think I got all the official primitive screen-names down right (not on this thread, but on the ballot), as they actually show on Skins's island, with capitalization or non-capitalization, with spaces or no spaces between words, with _s or no _s, and so forth.

It's important to have the primitive exactly as the primitive writes it, for ease of searches.

[franksolich]

*****ANNOUNCEMENT FROM franksolich*****

Because of constraints on time in real life, while nominations are still open until 10:00 p.m. central time this coming Saturday, although ten days had been promised for voting, voting will instead take place from circa breakfast-time Sunday, December 8 up through supper-time Saturday, December 14.

Six days rather than ten; sorry.

This is to give Mr. Wiggum more time to count the votes, and franksolich a few more days to write the awards, which will come out as promised, beginning the afternoon of Christmas Eve.

The rules for voting will be posted here sometime late Friday evening, but the thread "locked" until after the official ballot is appended early Sunday morning, after which it'll be opened up to comments.

[Tucker]

I don't see a problem with that time frame.

[franksolich]

I don't see a problem with that time frame.

There's going to be something new this year; two campaign-and-voting threads, not just one.

The first is going to be the usual-and-standard thread here in the DUmpster.

However, since the primitives especially this past year have bitched and moaned so much about how we hurt their wittle feelings with what we say about them, there's going to be a second one somewhere else here, where one can say what one wishes without worrying about hurting primitive feelings.

[Bad Dog]

There's going to be something new this year; two campaign-and-voting threads, not just one.

The first is going to be the usual-and-standard thread here in the DUmpster.

However, since the primitives especially this past year have bitched and moaned so much about how we hurt their wittle feelings with what we say about them, there's going to be a second one somewhere else here, where one can say what one wishes without worrying about hurting primitive feelings.

I, for one, have absolutely no problem hurting their worthless feelings. 

[Wineslob]

So I'm guessing my attempted nomination of Vesta111 for DOTY is going to be denied.

That's fine.

It would have been a glorious campaign though, I could have made a better argument for Vesta then anyone could make for Nadin.

 

[Tucker]

I, for one, have absolutely no problem hurting their worthless feelings. 

I go out of my way to do it.

[Ralph Wiggum]

I go out of my way to do it.

Ditto.

[Charles Henrickson]

So as to not miss anyone worthy and to refresh my memory, I checked back over my editions of the DUmmie FUnnies from the first of the year. A place to start is to see if there were particular DUmmies who were featured so prominently in a DUFU that I mentioned them in the byline. Below is a list of all 23 DUFUs I've done since the first of the year, noting those DUmmies especially featured therein. (BTW, only 23 DUFUs in 11 months is a very low number for me, compared to previous years. I've had a lot going on this year in my life and my work.)

DUmmie FUnnies 01-03-13 (It's 2013. Do you know where your Socialist Paradise is?)

DUmmie FUnnies 01-11-13 (Who in 2016? Hillary? NO! Grayson or Warren? YES!)
Ken Burch

DUmmie FUnnies 01-17-13 (Kucinich betrays DUmmies, joins Fox News!)

DUmmie FUnnies 01-24-13 ("I think today should be 'William Pitt Appreciation Day'")
WilliamPitt

DUmmie FUnnies 02-22-13 (DUmmies Divided on Obama's Golf-Oil Links)

DUmmie FUnnies 02-25-13 (Sequester disaster! DUmmies blame Rethuglicans!)

DUmmie FUnnies 03-02-13 (Lousy Freeper Troll speaks truth to DUmmies!)
samrock, liberal_economist

DUmmie FUnnies 04-22-13 (DUmmies were hoping for a RW Boston Teabomber!)
WilliamPitt

DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-13 (Advice to a lovelorn DUmmie: Go to Mars, young moonbat, go to Mars!)
Locut0s

DUmmie FUnnies 05-19-13 ("Sixteen Scandals": What scandals? More like racist attacks!)
Hugabear

DUmmie FUnnies 08-01-13 (Angry DUmmie goes to Disneyland!)
tk2kewl

DUmmie FUnnies 08-03-13 (Obongo Unchanged: Even the DUmmies are down on Obama)
Fire Walk With Me

DUmmie FUnnies 08-08-13 (Pitt almost stumbles into some truth)
WilliamPitt

DUmmie FUnnies 08-12-13 (Obama's critics are racist--unless they're DUmmies)

DUmmie FUnnies 08-16-13 (Forever 29.5: It's Obamacare, DUmmies--Own It!)

DUmmie FUnnies 08-18-13 (Yes We Scan: The Obama Legacy?)
Kablooie

DUmmie FUnnies 08-20-13 (Know-it-all Nadin pundificates: "Yup...the schism on DU is deepening")
nadinbrzezinski

DUmmie FUnnies 08-22-13 ("Chelsea Manning": DUmmies get behind the whistle-blower)

DUmmie FUnnies 10-07-13 ("This Land's Not Your Land": DUmmies down with Obama's park shutdown)

DUmmie FUnnies 10-10-13 ("Wendy": DUmmies stand with Abortion Barbie)

DUmmie FUnnies 10-31-13 (Will Obamacare cover circular-firing-squad injuries?)
hooverville29, leftstreet

DUmmie FUnnies 11-15-13 (Pitt peeved by ObamaCare fix-up!)
WilliamPitt

DUmmie FUnnies 11-30-13 (Thanksgiving in DUmmieland: The tradition continues)

And so, for their strong comedic contributions, and if they have not been nominated already, I nominate the following featured performers of the DUmmie FUnnies for Top DUmmies of the Year:

Ken Burch
WilliamPitt (4x!)
samrock
liberal_economist
Locut0s
Hugabear
tk2kewl
Fire Walk With Me
Kablooie
nadinbrzezinski
hooverville29
leftstreet

This is not to say that all of the above are Top Ten or even Top Twenty material in the final balloting, but I'll at least put their names in the nomination hopper. And of course there are other DUmmies who are worthy of top consideration who are not mentioned above. I will get to them in a later post.

I also want to mention an important DUFU that my DUmmie FUnnies co-host PJ-Comix posted, i.e.:

DUmmie FUnnies 08-23-13 (Get DUmmie DainBramaged FIRED For Stealing Cable Box Remote At Work)
DainBramaged

This was the DUFU in which I uncovered the scene of DainBramaged's crime and his secret identity.

And so I also nominate for the Top DUmmies my own personal choice for DOTY 2013:
DainBramaged

[franksolich]

Thank you, sir; nominations duly accepted and recorded.

There's only a little under two days now, for nominations.

I remember most of those DUmmie FUnnies.

And by the way, after consultations with Mr. Wiggum and some prayerful contemplation on my part, we will be accepting votes for top DUmmies from non-members of conservativecave; the instructions will be on the campaign-ballot thread.

[GOBUCKS]

And by the way, after consultations with Mr. Wiggum and some prayerful contemplation on my part, we will be accepting votes for top DUmmies from non-members of conservativecave; the instructions will be on the campaign-ballot thread.

There are enough bullies to elect themselves.

[Charles Henrickson]

My 18 nominees (so far) for Top DUmmies of the Year have all been nominated already, I think. In alphabetical order, they are the following:

BainsBane
cali
CaliforniaPeggy
DainBramaged
Fire Walk With Me
kentuck
Lady Freedom Returns
Loc0nuts
MineralMan
MrScorpio
nadinbrzezinski
Pretzel_Warrior
Scuba
SidDithers
Taverner
TheMastersNemesis
WilliamPitt
zappaman

[franksolich]

BainsBane
cali
CaliforniaPeggy
DainBramaged
Fire Walk With Me
kentuck
Lady Freedom Returns
Loc0nuts
MineralMan
MrScorpio
nadinbrzezinski
Pretzel_Warrior
Scuba
SidDithers
Taverner
TheMastersNemesis
WilliamPitt
zappaman

Nope, the walking fire is a new nomination.

[Charles Henrickson]

the William Rivers Pitt award, the “Willie,” for the most-memorable primitive from any time since the founding of Skins’s island on January 20, 2001. Primitives who’ve already won the Willie in the past are not eligible for nomination and election; it’s a one-time-only award.  The primitives not eligible are TomInTib, William Pitt, BouncyBall, nadinbrzezinski, and Alan Grayson. Perhaps the easiest way to decide upon a candidate for this award, one could imagine a Mount Rushmore of the Greatest Primitives, Ever, being sculpted on the side of a mountain in Vermont--which four heads should be on there, and which one should occupy the position of George Washington as on the real Mount Rushmore?

Definitely the already-awarded WilliamPitt, nadinbrzezinski, and TomInTib (in his many guises) would be on my Mount Rushmore of DUmmieland as being among the most memorable DUmmies ever. If I had to pick a few others who have not yet won the Willie, they would be, and so I nominate:

Andy Stephenson:  The late lamented red round one, the center of the maelstrom that rocked the internet!
sfexpat2000/EFerrari:  So prominent for so long, and then . . . so long!
bobbolink:  Bobo the Hobo, posting from her home in the back of a Buick. Winning the Willie would be sweet revenge!
benburch:  The butt of so many jokes!

They all would be deserving first-ballot inductees into the DUmmieland Hall of Fame.

the Steven Dawes award, the “Steve,” for the primitive who proved his own worst enemy during 2013; usually, this means a primitive who wallduded himself, getting himself fired from a job because of comments made on Skins’s island. . . .

DainBramaged. Hands down. No contest. No one else is remotely close.

the Robyn McGrath award, the “Rob,” for the primitive who, simply put, one found funny during the past year, provoking the most merriment and mirth. . . .

SidDithers, the funniest of Nadin's bullies.

the Nadin Abbott award, the “Nadin,” for the primitive who exhibited the most “I am God”-like characteristics during 2013; the primitive who was never wrong, always right.

Is this the inaugural award? Then I would give it to Know-it-all Nadin herself, nadinbrzezinski.

[Charles Henrickson]

For the new "Group" award (it needs a catchy name), I am torn between the anti-gun nuts and the bullies. They both should be nominated. But I think the anti-gun nuts have had a higher profile this year, so I'd go with them.

[Pretzel Warrior]

This whole contest shows what little sister syndrome you guys suffer from. And for the Willie, no mention of Bev Harris shows how dumb and lacking in cognitive memory your group think circle jerk really is.

[Chris_]

This whole contest shows what little sister syndrome you guys suffer from. And for the Willie, no mention of Bev Harris shows how dumb and lacking in cognitive memory your group think circle jerk really is.

Someone's jealousy is showing.

[Bad Dog]

Someone's jealousy is showing.

I don't remember anything like this last year.  Do they often make a head on run at the Dotys like this.