DUmpmonkey inspired recipes

[Big Dog]

Last weekend, I had friends over for dinner, and made the first of my new DUmpmonkey inspired foods...

GNADS
"The "G" is silent!"

(Polish sausage burritos)

6 Polish sausages
6 small corn tortillas
3 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese
3 12 ounce cans cheap beer (I used Miller High Life)
Spicy brown mustard (optional)
Sauerkraut (optional)

1. In a stock pot, bring beer to a rolling boil. Add Polish sausages, return to boil, reduce heat to medium, boil for 10 minutes.

2. Heat a cast iron skillet on medium. Warm a tortilla on one side until softened, then flip. Sprinkle shredded cheese evenly on the tortilla. Heat until the cheese begins to melt.

3. Roll a Polish sausage inside the tortilla, and set aside.

4. Repeat with the remaining tortillas and sausages.

5. Place the sausage rolls in the skillet. Brown the tortillas, turning frequently.

6. Place sausage rolls on a plate. Serve with spicy mustard and chilled kraut (optional).

If you really want to cross the Rubicon, serve with tequila, limes, and salt!

[Big Dog]

LOCOPUFFS
Recommended by 5 out of 5 entwined personalities!

6 cups generic Cocoa Puff cereal (must use generic, 'cuz Daddy says buying the name brand stuff is wasteful)
1- 10 oz bag marshmallows
3 tbsp butter
1 tbsp candy sprinkles
Wax paper

1. Place a sheet of wax paper on a cookie sheet.

2. In a large Pyrex bowl, combine marshmallows and butter. Cover bowl loosely with wax paper.

3. Microwave on "high" for 2 minutes.

4. Remove from microwave and mix thoroughly. Cover and return to microwave.

5. Microwave on "high" for 1 minute. Remove bowl from microwave.

6. Gently mix cereal and sprinkles into bowl.

7. Remove serving-spoon sized measures of mixture. Carefully mold into imaginative shapes, and place on baking sheet.
    Be careful, mixture will be warm to almost hot.

8. Chill in refrigerator for one hour.

Serve with Kahlua and cream (a.k.a. "Mother's Milk").

[Chris_]

Do I have to use regular marshmallows or can I use cereal marshmallows?

[Big Dog]

Do I have to use regular marshmallows or can I use cereal marshmallows?

Oh, my God. They sell 95 pounds of cereal marshmallows for $400.

[debk]

Do I have to use regular marshmallows or can I use cereal marshmallows?

I don't eat cereal of any kind, so I thought you were trying to be funny about the "cereal" marshmallows.... until I went to the website. 

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

If I want any recipes inspired by liberals I'll ask Sweeney Todd.

[Big Dog]

TUCSON-STYLE HOBO STEW
Authentic Arizona Bum Food!

1 8 ounce bag of Great Northern beans- from the Food Bank
4 slices of baloney, torn up into little pieces - from the Sally soup kitchen
1 package vegetable flavored ramen noodles - free at the Food Bank, or 21 cents at the Dollar Store
Salt, pepper, and hot sauce to taste- from the condiments station at Taco Bell
OPTIONAL: Onions scraped from 3 hamburgers- from the Dumpster behind Mickey D's - Accept no substitutes, because every hobo knows McD's onions never spoil

1. In a large coffee can, soak the beans overnight with one packet of salt. Cover the can with your clean pair of underpants, to keep the bedbugs out.

2. In the morning, remove your underpants from the can.

3. Add the flavor packet from the ramen noodles and the baloney. Add the onions if you were able to find enough hamburgers in the Dumpster behind Mickey D's.

4. Cook for 4 hours over a fire made from Chad's earthly possessions and Dave's love letters to that skank you saw him with two days ago. We know you took them while Dave was at his appointment at the VA yesterday.

5. Stir in the ramen noodles, add a splash of whatever alcohol you can get your hands on. Boil for 5 minutes.

6. Season with salt, pepper, and hot sauce packets.

7. Serve with the buns from the McD hamburgers. Eat with a spork you took from the condiment station at Taco Bell.

[Chris_]

Ha!

Sounds tasty.  I bet she still has the keys to "their" apartment (along with a dozen other junkies and evicted HUD-ites).

[RobJohnson]

Do you have a recipe for Sally Surprise or Bed Bug Delight?

[diesel driver]

TUCSON-STYLE HOBO STEW
Authentic Arizona Bum Food!

1 8 ounce bag of Great Northern beans- from the Food Bank
4 slices of baloney, torn up into little pieces - from the Sally soup kitchen
1 package vegetable flavored ramen noodles - free at the Food Bank, or 21 cents at the Dollar Store
Salt, pepper, and hot sauce to taste- from the condiments station at Taco Bell
OPTIONAL: Onions scraped from 3 hamburgers- from the Dumpster behind Mickey D's - Accept no substitutes, because every hobo knows McD's onions never spoil

1. In a large coffee can, soak the beans overnight with one packet of salt. Cover the can with your clean pair of underpants, to keep the bedbugs out.

2. In the morning, remove your underpants from the can.

3. Add the flavor packet from the ramen noodles and the baloney. Add the onions if you were able to find enough hamburgers in the Dumpster behind Mickey D's.

4. Cook for 4 hours over a fire made from Chad's earthly possessions and Dave's love letters to that skank you saw him with two days ago. We know you took them while Dave was at his appointment at the VA yesterday.

5. Stir in the ramen noodles, add a splash of whatever alcohol you can get your hands on. Boil for 5 minutes.

6. Season with salt, pepper, and hot sauce packets.

7. Serve with the buns from the McD hamburgers. Eat with a spork you took from the condiment station at Taco Bell.

This sounds pretty good.

Would using fresh(er) ingredients spoil the delicate balance of the various flavors, and does it HAVE to be Taco Bell, McD's, food bank, and Salvation Army ingredients?

IOW, could I substitute Burger King, Wendy's, chinese resturant, Shoney's, church pantry, or soup kitchen ingredients for the ones you listed?

[BattleHymn]

Do you have a recipe for Sally Surprise or Bed Bug Delight?

Bed Bug Delight.   

[Big Dog]

Do you have a recipe for Sally Surprise or Bed Bug Delight?

Great ideas! I think I can do something.

 

[JohnnyReb]

Do you have a recipe for Sally Surprise or Bed Bug Delight?

Be careful if a DUmmie offers you "Cracked Grab Legs".

[Linda]

Be careful if a DUmmie offers you "Cracked Grab Legs".

Or maybe some "She Lice Soup".

[Big Dog]

This sounds pretty good.

Would using fresh(er) ingredients spoil the delicate balance of the various flavors, and does it HAVE to be Taco Bell, McD's, food bank, and Salvation Army ingredients?

IOW, could I substitute Burger King, Wendy's, chinese resturant, Shoney's, church pantry, or soup kitchen ingredients for the ones you listed?

Improvise. It's the hobo way!

[JohnnyReb]

Or maybe some "She Lice Soup".

Yeah, may sound like a Chinese dish...you know...and with Chinese accent "Flied Lice".

[Big Dog]

From the files of the Tucson Salvation Army...

BED BUG DELIGHT

(Mocha Rice Pudding)

2 cups uncooked white rice
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
8 cups whole milk
3 tsp real vanilla extract
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 tbsp instant coffee
1 cup mini chocolate chips

1. In a cast iron Dutch oven, bring rice, sugar, salt, and milk to a boil over medium-high.

2. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer 25 minutes.

3. Uncover and cook, stirring constantly, until rice is tender and pudding is creamy, about 5 minutes.

4. Stir in vanilla.

5. Press plastic wrap directly on surface to prevent a skin from forming.

6. Refrigerate until chilled, at least 2 hours.

7. Stir in heavy cream, coffee, and chocolate chips.

Serve with coffee.

[BattleHymn]

Serve with coffee.

About that coffee...
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=G2DCExerOsA[/youtube]

[Dori]

This sounds pretty good.

Would using fresh(er) ingredients spoil the delicate balance of the various flavors, and does it HAVE to be Taco Bell, McD's, food bank, and Salvation Army ingredients?

IOW, could I substitute Burger King, Wendy's, chinese resturant, Shoney's, church pantry, or soup kitchen ingredients for the ones you listed?

What about some dumpster diving behind a market?  

What about some south-west chili.  Soak the beans with a chopped up package of spicy beef jerky from the convenient store and those taco bell sauce and McD's ketchup packs. 

[JohnnyReb]

What about some dumpster diving behind a market?  

What about some south-west chili.  Soak the beans with a chopped up package of spicy beef jerky from the convenient store and those taco bell sauce and McD's ketchup packs. 

Do you throw the packs in the mix to give it more "body"?

[BattleHymn]

Do you throw the packs in the mix to give it more "body"?

Nope.  You should save the packs and melt them together so that you can sous vide your chili. 

[Big Dog]

About that coffee...
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=G2DCExerOsA[/youtube]

"Bibble".

 

[Karin]

   The Tucson Hobo Stew was hilarious!

I'd have brandy with the Bedbug Delight.  Or, in keeping with the spirit, some Mad Dog. 

[Dori]

Do you throw the packs in the mix to give it more "body"?

No, I don't think that would be very edible.  But the desert has to be full of "freebies".  Rattle snakes, scorpions, cactus, lots of mesquite beans for grinding into flour or the wood for smoking meats. 

[Big Dog]

CODE PINK

When you absolutely, positively must wash the Truth Out of your brain.

16 ounces McCormick brand vodka
8 ounces breast milk (may substitute half-and-half if the wet nurse is on vacation)
6 tablespoons strawberry Quik

Mix all ingredients. Serve in a frosted Bukowski's commemorative mug.

WARNING: Do not drive, operate heavy machinery, or post on the Internet after consuming. May cause mood swings, memory loss, and delusions about the Iraq War. May cause irresistible attraction to 13 year old schoolgirls, which may cause loss of employment. May cause hair loss. Repeated use may cause impotence, which may lead to impotent rage. See your doctor if you develop homicidal intent against homeless women after consuming. If you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours, check again- that's your mother's favorite dildo, and she'll want it back.