This is crazy.
There have been no Colorado DUmmies worth worrying about since bobolink froze to death in her car.
Why is there no concern for prominent DUmbasses who have disappeared and could be dying or in critical need of DUAC assistance?
Why is no one asking about Pam Dawson, or Mike Pantano, or Doug Bulna? What about mythsaje and TwixVoy and poor stupid Beth?
The bastards just don't care about DUmmies who made the DUmp what it is.
Yeah, they don't make primitives like they used to, and the brain-damaged primitive was one of the original primitives.
Anyway.
I imagine this morning, a nice Monday morning in autumn, the brain-damaged primitive is laying in bed, feeling sorry for himself. After all, it doesn't look good--he's 62 years old and wearing down, he's out of job, and there's this terrible 0bam--er, Bush, economy. It looks hopeless.
However.
One must remind the brain-damaged primitive that there's other primitives in even worse predicaments than his; in fact, compared with them, he's got barely anything to complain about.
There's the sparkling old dude, "Stinky the Clown," living through some rather, uh, tumultuous unrest in his married life. An old man should never marry a young woman, because he's going to be losing it right as her own needs and urges are coming to a climax.
And then there's the subway cat, "undergroundpanther," whose sisters got her triple-medicated so she'd feel okay with moving into a new place and separated from her pets. Well, she's settled in now, in a place where the inmates aren't allowed access to the internet, and there's not a thing she can do about it.
And the convenience store primitive, "LadyFreedomReturns," who's about to embark upon a journey west, hoping to reconcile with the old guy who dumped her. This is not going to be anything with a happy ending.
And the cbayer primitive, "cbayer," who's battling the bottle and bound to lose.
But the worst situation of all is that of my twin, "Atman." He was recently hired to publicize his hometown down in Florida, to bring in tourists and their dollars. It's going to take a Hell of a lot of imagination and creativity to make a Levittown sound as attractive and fun as Disneyland, and I don't think he has it in him to turn a pig into a swan.
All these primitives have a tough row to hoe, and I'm sure even the brain-damaged primitive sees they're worse off than he is.
So the brain-damaged primitive should be of good cheer; there's other primitives in lousier circumstances than his.