Be Yourself

[cubedemon]

Right now, I am on social security disability.   I want to be able to work and to function in society.   I do not want to be on social security for the rest of my life.   I need major help from society in order to do this.   Before I can learn the tools and techniques and integrate them I need to know I am doing the right and moral thing.  I need to be able to have clear conscience that any action I take is proper, correct, and moral.

One of the tenets of our society is "be yourself."  If I was truthfully myself I could end up offending people especially potential employers and my family.   How does one be himself and be true to himself without offending and harming others.   Should a pedophile be allowed to be true to himself and be himself.   If he was himself and was true to himself would this person harm children?    If one is not true to himself and is not oneself then aren't they being dishonest with others and themselves?   

How does one resolve this?   I am very confused.

[USA4ME]

My daughter has Asperger's so I've been down this trail.

Have you had any classes on social skills?  If so, did it work for you?

.

[cubedemon]

My daughter is Asperger's so I've been down this trail.

Have you had any classes on social skills?  If so, did it work for you?

.

No, I wasn't.   I wasn't diagnoised until I was 29.   I have had major problems trying to figure out where to get them at.   By taking the social skills classes, do I lose my very identity?   Do I become something I am not?   How do I resolve this conflict and keep others happy?   What exactly makes me me?   How do I not lose me in the process?

[USA4ME]

No, I wasn't.   I wasn't diagnoised until I was 29.   I have had major problems trying to figure out where to get them at.

I'm well connected.  What State do you live in?  I can probably find out some info that will help you.

By taking the social skills classes, do I lose my very identity?   Do I become something I am not?

The answer to both is no.  Social skills classes will help you learn social ques that you miss (because of your Asperger's and how your brain processes information).  Living in a neurotypical world can be confusing if you don't know how to understand what you're seeing.  Social skills classes designed for individuals who have Asperger's will help you to better understand, which is what you need to be able to do.

Again, what State do you live in?  I am in North Carolina, it's after 11pm, and I need to go to bed.  I'll check back tomorrow for your answer.

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[cubedemon]

I'm well connected.  What State do you live in?  I can probably find out some info that will help you.

The answer to both is no.  Social skills classes will help you learn social ques that you miss (because of your Asperger's and how your brain processes information).  Living in a neurotypical world can be confusing if you don't know how to understand what you're seeing.  Social skills classes designed for individuals who have Asperger's will help you to better understand, which is what you need to be able to do.

Again, what State do you live in?  I am in North Carolina, it's after 11pm, and I need to go to bed.  I'll check back tomorrow for your answer.

.

Georgia.   In Georgia, my main problem is finances and the other is identity. 

Going to the autism center costs money.   For identity, I have to ask what makes me me?   Is it possible to even have a true self if one learns something new everyday?   If we all change through learning and our experiences I have to ask how is it possible to have a permenant and true self?   How can one be himself and be true to himself?   This is the other issue I am having.

[USA4ME]

Georgia.   In Georgia, my main problem is finances and the other is identity.

OK, I'll see what I can find.

Who diagnosed you?  That would be another source to find help.  

For identity, I have to ask what makes me me?   Is it possible to even have a true self if one learns something new everyday?   If we all change through learning and our experiences I have to ask how is it possible to have a permenant and true self?   How can one be himself and be true to himself?   This is the other issue I am having.

You're taking "just be yourself" too literally, something I'm would think you're aware is a trait of Asperger's.

When someone says to "be yourself," they mean just relax and be who you are, don't try and pretend to be like someone else you might think they would like or hire.  It doesn't mean you can just blurt out anything that comes into your mind.  Social skills training would help you to both cope with and understand these things.  Social skills would help you to better understand this issue you're having with identity.

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[USA4ME]

Try this:

Georgia Asperger's Organization
Winder, Georgia 30680
Phone:770-307-0672

Email:marciasingson@yahoo.com

I spoke with them and they have several workshops located throughout the state free of charge that assist Asperger's patients with both social skills and life skills.  The lady to whom I spoke said their webpage was aimed mainly at parents who have discovered their childrem have Asperger's, but don't let that discourage you, they are there to assist all those with Asperger's.

She also informed me there was  a part of the Psychology Dept at the University of Georgia dedicated to studying both Autism and Asperger's, and they can put you in touch with them.

Give them a call and tell them who you are, where you live, when you were diagnosed, who did the diagnosis, and that you are interested in receiving both social skills and life skills education.  They will assist you from there.

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[cubedemon]

You're taking "just be yourself" too literally, something I'm would think you're aware is a trait of Asperger's.

Yes, I am aware I can take things too literally.   With me, the problem lies I may not know what to take literally or not and I may not even realize I am taking it too literally.   

When someone says to "be yourself," they mean just relax and be who you are, don't try and pretend to be like someone else you might think they would like or hire.  It doesn't mean you can just blurt out anything that comes into your mind.  Social skills training would help you to both cope with and understand these things.  Social skills would help you to better understand this issue you're having with identity.

This is what confused me.  By what you say, it doesn't mean a pedophile can be a pedophile and be true to himself.   I can't stand pedophiles and I hate them with a passion.  Nambla claims they want to be able to be true to themselves.    I wish I could do a Distributed Denial of Service attack against their website  they have.   Pedophiles need to be given multiple life sentences or the death penalty.   They don't need to be allowed to be true to themselves.   They hurt children.   But, by what you say this is a moot point and people in general do not mean it this way am I correct? 
[/quote]

[cubedemon]

Try this:

Georgia Asperger's Organization
Winder, Georgia 30680
Phone:770-307-0672

Email:marciasingson@yahoo.com

I spoke with them and they have several workshops located throughout the state free of charge that assist Asperger's patients with both social skills and life skills.  The lady to whom I spoke said their webpage was aimed mainly at parents who have discovered their childrem have Asperger's, but don't let that discourage you, they are there to assist all those with Asperger's.

She also informed me there was  a part of the Psychology Dept at the University of Georgia dedicated to studying both Autism and Asperger's, and they can put you in touch with them.

Give them a call and tell them who you are, where you live, when you were diagnosed, who did the diagnosis, and that you are interested in receiving both social skills and life skills education.  They will assist you from there.

.

Thanks my friend.   I owe you one.   I'm about to copy this and save this in a word document right now.

You gave me more info then the folks at Occupy Wall Street.   

Some of their beliefs are just so abstract and the beliefs I understand I do not grasp how they would be implemented or work.   For example, one person wants to increase minimum wage to $20 per hour.   I've noticed a correlation.   Everytime this occurs I've noticed prices of goods in the stores I go to increase.   

It occured to me, the executives like the CEOs at the organizations do not take the cost of the minimum wage out of their profits.   They increase the prices of goods and services they sell.   If this is so, how will increasing it or having a living wage work whatsoever?   I don't understand.

They don't put definitions to their terms.   How can one fight for and want something if one does not specifically define it?   One guy literally told me that I'm not seeing the bigger picture and they have to fight for equality and fairness before definitions can be applied.   I was told I was worrying about semantics too much.   How can one fight for fairness and equality if one can't define these things?   Using a simile, it is like what he was saying was that a child's birth caused the mother's conception?   I don't get it.   I became more confused.  I couldn't obtain anything specific and concrete.   

[Gina]

My daughter has Asperger's so I've been down this trail.

Have you had any classes on social skills?  If so, did it work for you?

.

I have read and reread his post and it's amazing you picked up on his diagnosis 

[Eupher]

I have read and reread his post and it's amazing you picked up on his diagnosis 

I think he stated as much in his Intro thread.

[cubedemon]

I have read and reread his post and it's amazing you picked up on his diagnosis 

First, did I say something offensive in anyway?
Second,  by reading what I say what do you derive and pick up???
Third, I did state it in my intro
Fourth, he does have a daughter so he probably knows what to look for in our mannerisms and what and how we write.   

[USA4ME]

Thanks my friend.   I owe you one.   I'm about to copy this and save this in a word document right now.

You're more than welcome.

You have a lot of questions that will be best dealt with someone in person, not someone on the internet like me or anyone else.  In fact, I highly suggest you NOT try to adress your Asperger's questions, or any related topics, on-line as there may be well-meaning people who unintentionally provide information that may not be of good use.

Please speak with the Georgia Asperger's Organization.  These people are professions and they will assist you in ways that are tailored to your individual needs.

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[Eupher]

You're more than welcome.

You have a lot of questions that will be best dealt with someone in person, not someone on the internet like me or anyone else.  In fact, I highly suggest you NOT try to adress your Asperger's questions, or any related topics, on-line as there may be well-meaning people who unintentionally provide information that may not be of good use.

Please speak with the Georgia Asperger's Organization.  These people are professions and they will assist you in ways that are tailored to your individual needs.

.

Excellent recommendation. h5

[Gina]

First, did I say something offensive in anyway?
Second,  by reading what I say what do you derive and pick up???
Third, I did state it in my intro
Fourth, he does have a daughter so he probably knows what to look for in our mannerisms and what and how we write.   

No dude.  I wasn't even jumping you.  I was amazed that he was able to pick up your diagnosis but now I know you had an intro thread so it's not amazing at all. 

You are really going to have to slough off your thin skin if you are going to hang around here.  You will be sent crying every day if you don't. 

[Zeus]

What does staying true to oneself mean? It means to love yourself unconditionally and to be whom you are meant to be. It means not sacrificing who you are to fit in. Who you are is truly always good enough.

Love for oneself should be first and foremost. When you love yourself unconditionally, it’s because you understand that you are a part of everything in the Universe that was created from love

Gratitude helps you to connect or reconnect to the love from the Universe that manifests in so many ways. Give thanks for everything that shows up in your life. It’s there to teach you something.

How do you show this? By writing down on paper or in a journal what you’re grateful for or just by saying it out loud as often as possible.

Look at your beliefs. Ask yourself what you believe in. Do you believe in a loving Universe or one that only punishes? Beliefs are how you feel about something. Beliefs can be changed or added to. For example, do you believe that you can accomplish anything? If you don’t believe that, then you’ve created limits for yourself. However this belief can be changed to one that is limitless.

When you change your beliefs, you change yourself. You own your power.

Learn to give and receive to stay in balance.  One is not more important than the other.  When you give, that comes back to you in countless ways.  Accept the goodness that comes to you graciously and be thankful.

Self care is a must.  Take good care of your body, mind and spirit.  Feed yourself with good thoughts; read and develop your mind.  For your body, exercise, sleep, nutrition, and proper diet are ways to practice good self-care.

Staying true to oneself can be hard at times.  It seems like a lot to do.  In the end you are worth it aren’t you?

[Wineslob]

Get married, that'll take care of everything...............

[cubedemon]

What does staying true to oneself mean? It means to love yourself unconditionally and to be whom you are meant to be. It means not sacrificing who you are to fit in. Who you are is truly always good enough.

Let's say everyone chose not to sacrifice themselves to fit in.   How would a cohesive society be maintained?   There has to be some kind of legal and social system to a given society.  Why is who you are truly always good enough?  Why can't one always choose to be better and make improvement to onesself?   For example, I have major hesitation when I speak in real life.   I have a major stutter.   USA4ME reccomended a place for me to go for my aspergers.   If they could improve my speech to reduce my hesitation and help make my speech clearer why wouldn't I do this?  

When you say to love yourself unconditionally and to be whom you are meant to be, I ask what does this mean?  

Love for oneself should be first and foremost. When you love yourself unconditionally, it’s because you understand that you are a part of everything in the Universe that was created from love

[link removed by franksolich; link to nambla]  These guys are following your advice and loving themselves unconditionally and being whom they are meant to be.   This is what they claim.

Gratitude helps you to connect or reconnect to the love from the Universe that manifests in so many ways. Give thanks for everything that shows up in your life. It’s there to teach you something.

How do you show this? By writing down on paper or in a journal what you’re grateful for or just by saying it out loud as often as possible.

If this was so then by this standard how would the American Revolution come about?   How would we have had MLKJr and how would we have the civil rights movement?  The people in the civil rights movement were fed up with certain conditions and sought and fought to improve them.  To me, they weren't grateful, they fought for their rights.

Look at your beliefs. Ask yourself what you believe in. Do you believe in a loving Universe or one that only punishes? Beliefs are how you feel about something. Beliefs can be changed or added to. For example, do you believe that you can accomplish anything? If you don’t believe that, then you’ve created limits for yourself. However this belief can be changed to one that is limitless.

When you change your beliefs, you change yourself. You own your power.

How does our universe show any emotional whatsoever?   I did not know ou universe was a sentient being.   How is it possible for a universe to show love?   How is it possible for one to accomplish anything?   Can one become the Alpha and Omega, the God of Abraham and Issac, and the God of the holy bible?   How is it possible for one not to have limits?   Can you imagine yourself walking through a wall?   Can you defy gravity just by your beliefs and thoughts?   Can you sprout wings and fly just with your beliefs?  Can you imagine yourself to be the president of the USA?   Let's say you did this and went up to the white house gates and claimed you were the president of the USA and believed this.   Do you think the secret service will let you in?  

I will give a less prospertous example.   There are a set amount of teams with a set amount of players on each team in the NFL.   Can everyone get into the NFL and play for a team in the NFL?   A lot of people sign up but I think we have a lot more who don't make it then those who do?  If one truthfully did not have limits then why can't every single person be in the NFL both young and old?

Learn to give and receive to stay in balance.  One is not more important than the other.  When you give, that comes back to you in countless ways.  Accept the goodness that comes to you graciously and be thankful.

I have no problems with this one and actually agree.

Self care is a must.  Take good care of your body, mind and spirit.  Feed yourself with good thoughts; read and develop your mind.  For your body, exercise, sleep, nutrition, and proper diet are ways to practice good self-care.

I do agree with this and have no problems.  

Staying true to oneself can be hard at times.  It seems like a lot to do.  In the end you are worth it aren’t you?

To me, it depends and I have stated my issues in my proceeding questions and statements.

[vesta111]

Let's say everyone chose not to sacrifice themselves to fit in.   How would a cohesive society be maintained?   There has to be some kind of legal and social system to a given society.  Why is who you are truly always good enough?  Why can't one always choose to be better and make improvement to onesself?   For example, I have major hesitation when I speak in real life.   I have a major stutter.   USA4ME reccomended a place for me to go for my aspergers.   If they could improve my speech to reduce my hesitation and help make my speech clearer why wouldn't I do this?  

When you say to love yourself unconditionally and to be whom you are meant to be, I ask what does this mean?  

[link removed by franksolich; link to nambla]  These guys are following your advice and loving themselves unconditionally and being whom they are meant to be.   This is what they claim.

If this was so then by this standard how would the American Revolution come about?   How would we have had MLKJr and how would we have the civil rights movement?  The people in the civil rights movement were fed up with certain conditions and sought and fought to improve them.  To me, they weren't grateful, they fought for their rights.

How does our universe show any emotional whatsoever?   I did not know ou universe was a sentient being.   How is it possible for a universe to show love?   How is it possible for one to accomplish anything?   Can one become the Alpha and Omega, the God of Abraham and Issac, and the God of the holy bible?   How is it possible for one not to have limits?   Can you imagine yourself walking through a wall?   Can you defy gravity just by your beliefs and thoughts?   Can you sprout wings and fly just with your beliefs?  Can you imagine yourself to be the president of the USA?   Let's say you did this and went up to the white house gates and claimed you were the president of the USA and believed this.   Do you think the secret service will let you in?  

I will give a less prospertous example.   There are a set amount of teams with a set amount of players on each team in the NFL.   Can everyone get into the NFL and play for a team in the NFL?   A lot of people sign up but I think we have a lot more who don't make it then those who do?  If one truthfully did not have limits then why can't every single person be in the NFL both young and old?

I have no problems with this one and actually agree.

I do agree with this and have no problems.  

To me, it depends and I have stated my issues in my proceeding questions and statements.

Being true to ones self has many meanings.   We evolve in life, being true to ones self at 3 years old means we believe in Santa Clause and fight anyone that says he does not exist.     As one ages the first thing one learns is Adults lie to us, no tooth fairy, and later on that one can trust a teacher or police officer or even members in ones family not to misstreat them.

It takes awhile to find out how to live in this world, what or what not to believe in.   Through the years you will change your ideas many times, find you had held mistaken beliefs, or realise that past acts on your part were wrong.    

Those that remain True to themselves are legion. People that find any excuse to cover up past acts or become raving moral crusaders trying to for their own gain convert others.

When one finds that with the pysco babble today that  one must remain true to themselves  gives permission for people to feel OK with and gain pride in, This is Me,  others must accept me------a car thief, a pedophile, a abuser or out right sadist.   ------  or a person of God, a tax payer, a loving child or parent.  

Choices in life, unless a human is depraved and has no idea what they are doing, all have choices.

BTW did you know that people who have a stutter somehow can sing with out it.   YUP, this was brought to my attention when a member of my Church Choir first wanted to sing.   The man who could not speak in a full sentence without getting all discombobulated wanted to sing.  This man had a deep voice and when he sang it knocked our socks off.  Every word rang out clear as a bell,  what a voice that he could not use unless he was singing.

Life is odd, keep looking for answers and realise that being true to ones self will change as you, your self change, grow and become a part of Gods plan.        

[Zeus]

Let's say everyone chose not to sacrifice themselves to fit in.   How would a cohesive society be maintained?   There has to be some kind of legal and social system to a given society.  Why is who you are truly always good enough?  Why can't one always choose to be better and make improvement to onesself?   For example, I have major hesitation when I speak in real life.   I have a major stutter.   USA4ME reccomended a place for me to go for my aspergers.   If they could improve my speech to reduce my hesitation and help make my speech clearer why wouldn't I do this?  

I dunno I guess if you believe getting rid of stutterers would be the downfall of society it wouldn't be such a good idea and therefore laws need to be enacted to prevent it. Is being a stutterer who one truly is or is it a adherance to a systems of beliefs and actions.

When you say to love yourself unconditionally and to be whom you are meant to be, I ask what does this mean?  

[link removed by franksolich; link to nambla]  These guys are following your advice and loving themselves unconditionally and being whom they are meant to be.   This is what they claim.

Loving oneself and being whom you are meant to be means different things to different people but I don't believe it means to the detriment of others to anyone other that self centered individuals who don't care about others.

If this was so then by this standard how would the American Revolution come about?   How would we have had MLKJr and how would we have the civil rights movement?  The people in the civil rights movement were fed up with certain conditions and sought and fought to improve them.  To me, they weren't grateful, they fought for their rights.

Being gratefull doesn't mean going through life as an autotron. 

How does our universe show any emotional whatsoever?   I did not know ou universe was a sentient being.   How is it possible for a universe to show love?   How is it possible for one to accomplish anything?   Can one become the Alpha and Omega, the God of Abraham and Issac, and the God of the holy bible?   How is it possible for one not to have limits?   Can you imagine yourself walking through a wall?   Can you defy gravity just by your beliefs and thoughts?   Can you sprout wings and fly just with your beliefs?  Can you imagine yourself to be the president of the USA?   Let's say you did this and went up to the white house gates and claimed you were the president of the USA and believed this.   Do you think the secret service will let you in?  

I will give a less prospertous example.   There are a set amount of teams with a set amount of players on each team in the NFL.   Can everyone get into the NFL and play for a team in the NFL?   A lot of people sign up but I think we have a lot more who don't make it then those who do?  If one truthfully did not have limits then why can't every single person be in the NFL both young and old?

The Universe may not show emotion but by mans actions , reactions & emotions the world around us soon appears to have them.

Realistic goals & expectations establish realistic limits. There is only one God. There is only 1 US President at a time but any US born individual once they reach the age of 35 may become the President, Just because they want to be doesn't mean they will. Same as playing in the NFL. Same for being the CEO of a fortune 500 company etc.  life may seem arbitrary & unfair at times but in most cases the inability to make the cut was due to actions/inactions of the individual in their past.