I cannot tolerate touching microfiber towels. They work great for cars, though. To use them, I put a glove of some sort on my hand, or grab the microfiber towel with another towel, so I don't have physical contact with the fabric.
I wouldn't even imagine scrubbing myself down with one of them.
If I had to struggle to reach parts of my body like the Las Vegas Leviathan inevitably must struggle, I might opt for a more heavy-duty style cleaning implement, too. Although, those hard-to-reach areas probably get relegated to Jeanette to clean for him, which makes me think the nicest possible gift anyone could buy for her would be a powerwasher.