* There is no evolution; only a list of animals Mitt Romney thought looked too gay.
* Confuscius says a man setting out on a mission of revenge should first dig 2 graves. When Mitt Romney sets out on a mission of revenge he digs 2 graves: 1 for his target and 1 for the guy who thinks he can go around telling Mitt Romney how many graves he should be digging.
* The only reason Obama doesn't have a son who looks like Trayvon Martin is because Mitt Romney bullied Michelle into having girls.
* God would have taken more than 6 days to create the world but Bain Capital had deadlines.
* The Boston Tea Party was started because a bunch of British colonial subjects knew that one day Mitt Romney would be born and he ****ing hates tea.
* Jedis use The Force because nobody, and I mean nobody, uses Mitt Romney.