Author Topic: DUmmy wants to fart, especially at work (guess the first 5 letters of his nick)  (Read 6141 times)

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Offline BannedFromDU

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unionworks

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What kind of beans
... give you the worst gas? I am doing research for those occasions when I may intentionally want to pass as much gas as possible, such as leaving an asshole boss a present when he is out of his office,. Or infiltrating right wing meetings/speeches. I have tried navy beans and am looking to broaden my flatulence vocabulary. Suggestions?


     Well, you already post on DU...that's flatulent enough.


No comment necessary. Most qualified, educated workers seek to improve their work productivity. Union monkeys want to fart, basically. This is proof.
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Offline miskie

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How old is this primitive , six ?

Offline Ogre

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Another fine example of the liberal left and their motto; "free speech for me, but not for thee".

Scratch a liberal, find a fascist.
"Don't argue about difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves."  - Winston Churchill

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Offline diesel driver

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Great Northern beans do the trick for me.  I like to eat a load of them before a union meeting.    :lmao:
Murphy's 3rd Law:  "You can't make anything 'idiot DUmmie proof'.  The world will just create a better idiot DUmmie."

Liberals are like Slinkys.  Basically useless, but they do bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs...
 
Global warming supporters believe that a few hundred million tons of CO2 has more control over our climate than a million mile in diameter, unshielded thermo-nuclear fusion reactor at the middle of the solar system.

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Offline Mr Mannn

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unionworks? thats his name?

Oxymoron. 

There's an old joke. Never buy a union made gun. It doesn't work and you can't fire it.

Offline Ralph Wiggum

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Some of my old college buddies swear by Taco Bell and its impact on fart volume.  Not necessarily stink factor.  Yeah, probably TMI, but we're here to help the DUmmies, right?
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Offline Duke Nukum

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He should become an airline stewardman. I've read they know all the tricks.
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Offline Chris_

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Didn't he learn anything from St. Patty's Day?  It's boiled beef and cabbage.

Oh, and you're a putz.  I hope you shit your drawers.
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Offline Rufus2010

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The classic fart scene from Blazing Saddles comes to mind...
[youtube=425,350]R6dm9rN6oTs[/youtube]

"I'd say you had enough!"
« Last Edit: February 14, 2012, 08:31:00 PM by Rufus2010 »

Offline WinOne4TheGipper

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Another fine example of the liberal left and their motto; "free speech for me, but not for thee".

Scratch a liberal, find a fascist.

A stinking fascist. :thatsright:
“Sometimes the curses of the godless sound better than the hallelujahs of the pious.”

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Offline Vagabond

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Well, if he is going for open sewer oh my god did that smell really come from your ass type stink, I'd say three or four budweisers and a meal at Steak 'n Shake ought to set him right up.  I actually had a dog get up and leave the room after that one hit.  I resorted to wearing my gas mask for a few minutes.
There comes a time when even good men must run up the black flag of anarchy and slit throats. - H.L. Mencken

Offline JohnnyReb

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Pinto beans with beer and pickled eggs on the side.
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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I actually had a dog get up and leave the room after that one hit.

If man's best friend can't bear to stay around, you should be registered as a chemical weapon by the US Army.
"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
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Chase her.
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That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline diesel driver

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If man's best friend can't bear to stay around, you should be registered as a chemical weapon by the US Army.

I had a female Bassett hound that could roll your eyes back in your head with her SBD's.  

Some were so bad, SHE LEFT the room first!   :lmao:
Murphy's 3rd Law:  "You can't make anything 'idiot DUmmie proof'.  The world will just create a better idiot DUmmie."

Liberals are like Slinkys.  Basically useless, but they do bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs...
 
Global warming supporters believe that a few hundred million tons of CO2 has more control over our climate than a million mile in diameter, unshielded thermo-nuclear fusion reactor at the middle of the solar system.

"A dead enemy is a peaceful enemy.  Blessed be the peacemakers". - U.S. Marine Corp

You can't fix stupid, but you can vote it out of office.

Offline BlueStateSaint

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I had a female Bassett hound that could roll your eyes back in your head with her SBD's.  

Some were so bad, SHE LEFT the room first!   :lmao:

When I was about 12 or 13, there was this one time that my mother made pork chops with sauerkraut.  This was before I started to like kraut.  Anyway, my brother and I gave our kraut to our Siberian Husky.  That next morning/day, it was eye-watering to be near the dog, his farts were that bad.
"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline Tucker

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All Y'all are full of shit. :tongue:
Come to think of it, unions do create jobs. Companies have to hire two workers to do the work of one.

Offline vesta111

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Poor Marines can be written up if they fart near a Muslim.   Yup directive says that the Muslims complain about our GI's farting in their vicinity.   Muslims do fart but because of their diet it is just a gentle whiff with no lingering after effects, They say, but  pork farts from our troops  leave them inconsolable.    

Darn the worse farts are from the Asians that eat Kimchee, lord that is nothing as bad as having to stand 10 hours next to someone that eats it every day.   Smell comes out their pours when they sweat or speak to you from 3 feet away.

Wine Os's that drink that Thunder Bird 24/7------better a quick fart that goes away then to be stuck on a 8 hour flight next to them.  No amount of less then 4 baths will take away that smell and the clothing reeks of it also.

Farts are just a normal behavior for people and animals, the toxicity comes from the diet, anyone remember what happens when a milk fed baby is introduced to Gerber strained meat????   Nothing like a year old baby that on introduction lets out its first meat fart, scares the kid and makes the diaper changer cry.  

Offline Rugnuts

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How old is this primitive , six ?

42. you have to remember...

when it comes to liberals, you take how old they act and multiply it by 7 to get their real age

Offline Splashdown

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to the OP:

I heard drinking three bottles of Dran-O work well...
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God alone suffices.
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Offline NHSparky

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Guiness and a greasy hamburger, or bratwurst with kraut.

I swear you could SEE the cloud floating when I launched one of those.  Had the guys in Maneuvering reaching for EAB's (Emergency Air Breathing masks.)
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Go with castor beans, DUmmie. If you can't get them, and since they aren't true beans anyway, you could always go with raw kidney beans, it just takes a lot more of them to have the desired effect (That is, the effect I desire they have on you).

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Offline Bodadh

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I don't know why but I alnost never get gas. No matter what I eat or drink it dosen't seem to effect me and when it does it is controllable. I thoght other people were weird for having to fart all the time but it seems I am the odd one. Even ex girl friends would demand to know why I never fart.

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Offline obumazombie

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42. you have to remember...

when it comes to liberals, you take how old they act and multiply it by 7 to get their real age
Dog years.
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Offline Gina

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When I was about 12 or 13, there was this one time that my mother made pork chops with sauerkraut.  This was before I started to like kraut.  Anyway, my brother and I gave our kraut to our Siberian Husky.  That next morning/day, it was eye-watering to be near the dog, his farts were that bad.

I have tears streaming  :rofl: 

Nyquil for some reason gives me loud foul smelling gas.  I mean I have to walk outside at work to let them loose  :lmao:  No one thinks I work I am outside so much when I am sick  :lmao:






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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Farting should be kept to where it belongs...

...elevators and church.
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