So, I was at he Vegan Caribbean restaurant to celebrate the wedding of my dear friends Maria and Shanique. We had just finished our local source arugula salad with hemp oil and raspberry vinaigrette dressing, and awaiting our tofu tapas when the big brute at the next table began spouting out about Hugo Chavez.
"He's a dictator, just like Bill O'Reilly said!", the man with the pale pink skin began to roar. "I wish he had died in Cuba. And I want some raw red meat, not this vegan crap."
"He is NOT a dictator!", I replied. "He was elected. And Jimmy Carter said the election was fair. By the way, red meat is bad for you and bad for the planet. Perhaps you should watch Keith Olberman on Current TV."
At first he just sat there, with his mouth wide open. Then, as a thoughtful look crossed his face, he said, "You know, I really have been watching too much Fox News lately. I really SHOULD broaden my horizons."
We invited him over to our table and shared some of our tapas with him. We talked about how Shanique's brother was going to donate some sperm so Maria could have a baby. "It's the next best thing to her being the father", Maria said, looking lovingly into her partner's eyes.
"Blessed be!", said our new friend. "May the spirits of love and joy shine down upon your union. But I have to go know. I need to get home and set my DVR so I don't miss Keith."
We finished our meal and paid the check. We were two dollars short, but the owner of the restaurant said "Don't worry about it. A gift for the newlyweds. Besides, I do this for love, not money."
We were walking to the parking lot, feeling good about the world, when suddenly a cop comes around the azalea bush as says, "Is that your Suburu with all the bumper stickers?" "Yes", I replied, "What is the problem?"
"The problem is, you have a broken tail light!" He takes his night stick, and after four tries smashes the light.
Suddenly, a call came over the police radio. "Billy Ray, get over to the Jenkins place double quick. Leroy's been drinkin' again"
"If that woman would learn how to cook a pot roast, Leroy wouldn't beat her up so much", Officer Billy Ray said. "I'm going to let you off with a warning, but if I see you hippie homos with your 'NO H8' and 'Coexist' bumper stickers around these parts again, you're not going to like it!"
As he sped away, we looked at each other and said in unison, "Wow, what a right wing tool!"
