I have a tremendous amount of respect for folks such as "reformed1" who seem to be infinitely better equipped to wade,
Andy Dufresne style, into the vile, fetid sewer that masquerades as discussion over there on the Island - I, for one, haven't the stomach nor the temperment for it. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I'm the kind of colossal prick who, when asked for a cigarette (by either the poor, the homeless, or the myriad of Young Hipster Douchebags I frequently run meet), simply
relish saying, "Gee, I'm sorry, but I'm fresh out," all the while embracing the cool, satisfying Newport 100 between my fat, overfed, exploitative fingers.
It's really almost as thrilling as dining outside one of the many fine restaurants we have along Sunset Blvd when, in between sips of my Bombay Sapphire Martini (with jalapeno olives, of course), some young, indigent progressives happen upon our table, thinking perhaps we might see a bit of ourselves in their rebellious youth, and perhaps give them a little change in order to help them obtain a Carls, Jr. burger. I'll casually set my drink down, reach into my pocket, but instead of retrieving my wallet, I pull out a Cohiba, look the male among them in the eye and say in the gentlest of tones,
"Get the **** away from this table, or I'll feed you your girlfriends intestines." Then comes my famous wink-and-a-smile.
The Young Hipster Douchebags walk away, naturally convinced that everything they believe about "the evil rich" is true, and how could I begrudge them that notion? The important thing, however, is that I've relished a wonderful meal for my friends and family, paid for with money I've earned, and the unfortunate, unwashed, spectacularly tattooed ****wits have to try their luck with someone far more forgiving than I.
So while I suppose I could beat myself up for not having the inclination to wade over to the Island and engage the sort of cowardly, unmotivated, deprived, hungry degenerates in "reformed1's" fashion, I can take comfort in the fact that my more
sadistic, er,
direct approach seems to accomplish the same thing.