Help!

[VivisMom]

My kid has started asking questions about how the baby got into mommy's tummy. 


How do I explain this to an almost four year old? I remember a book my parents had for me-and it was good, but I am afraid that it may be too much information for her age. I mean, I've kind of vaguely skirted the question by telling her that Mommy and Daddy love each other so much that they wanted a baby, and God was kind enough to give a baby to us...but at this point, that's about as far as I am willing to go. I want her to be informed, but I'm afraid too much information would be scary? Not beneficial? I mean, a four year old doesn't need to know about sex.

Anyway, any insight you all could give would be helpful. Books, links, anecdotes, I'll take anything!

[The Hollywood NeoCon]

OMG...this is WAAAAAY beyond my paygrade as a man, but I'll ask the old lady about it tonight, though, and pass along whatever she suggests.

Again, so happy for you!!!!! 

[DumbAss Tanker]

I'm thinking this is in the 'Way-TMI box for a four-year-old, and it's probably best to just play fast and loose with cold ugly facts for a couple of years yet. 

[VivisMom]

I'm thinking this is in the 'Way-TMI box for a four-year-old, and it's probably best to just play fast and loose with cold ugly facts for a couple of years yet. 

LOL! My husband was like, "Magic, tell her it's magic" but really...I don't want to outright lie. I'm okay with omitting certain things or only telling part of the truth or a kid-friendly variation of the truth, but I'm not going to full on lie to her.

Times like this I wish my mother were still around, so I could 1) ask her what she did when I started asking and 2) then tell the kid to go ask Grandma!

[JohnnyReb]

The old birds and the bees thing, huh.

Daddy bee stings mommy bird and she swells up and out pops a baby.....come back in about 15 years and I'll tell you the rest

[cmypay]

When my daughter was six, she explained to her then 3 year old brother how the new baby got into Mommy's tummy. Basically, she said exactly what you were thinking of telling your 4 year old.  That explanation worked really well until the kids were well into elementary school.

As the Mom, I think you just have to go with your gut instincts on this one. There's no single answer that is right for every family.

[Eupher]

I thought what you initially said - that Mommy & Daddy love each other so much that God put a baby in Mommy's tummy - was perfect.

At four years old, she's exploring her world and asking questions so fast that she doesn't have time for the 'real' answers. Too soon for sex talk, for sure.

[IassaFTots]

That is along the lines with what my Mom told me when she was pregnant with my little brother.  I didn't understand that he would be SMALLER than me though.  I asked for a BIG brother, and that didn't come for another 13 years.

[debk]

I thought what you initially said - that Mommy & Daddy love each other so much that God put a baby in Mommy's tummy - was perfect.

At four years old, she's exploring her world and asking questions so fast that she doesn't have time for the 'real' answers. Too soon for sex talk, for sure.

I agree. AND it is the truth. A baby is a miracle.

And please don't take her into the delivery room! I think parents that do that, is just creepy. Kids don't need to be in there when Mom's delivering. 

[thundley4]

I agree. AND it is the truth. A baby is a miracle.

And please don't take her into the delivery room! I think parents that do that, is just creepy. Kids don't need to be in there when Mom's delivering. 

It would be really creepy if the child is a boy between 10 and 16.

[Eupher]

It would be really creepy if the child is a boy between 10 and 16.

Well, I wasn't in wonderful shape when the slosh of the amniotic fluid hit the floor when my son was born - he didn't hit the floor with it, thank God, but that sound was just a wee bit unnerving......

[Eupher]

I agree. AND it is the truth. A baby is a miracle.

And please don't take her into the delivery room! I think parents that do that, is just creepy. Kids don't need to be in there when Mom's delivering. 

Yup. Just have her stand outside the delivery room with Dad and have her pass out cigars. She looks a lot cuter doing that than Dad does.....

[mamacags]

See if this were DU they would have just gone and gotten her some porn to watch.

I agree with the mommy and daddy loved each other and God put baby in there approach.  I made the mistake of telling my then 4 year old about how they nuetered our dog and he went around the neighborhood telling everyone who would listen about the vet cutting Buddy's tenticles off.

[formerlurker]

LOL! My husband was like, "Magic, tell her it's magic" but really...I don't want to outright lie. I'm okay with omitting certain things or only telling part of the truth or a kid-friendly variation of the truth, but I'm not going to full on lie to her.

Times like this I wish my mother were still around, so I could 1) ask her what she did when I started asking and 2) then tell the kid to go ask Grandma!

Sorry to hear the moment wasn't "magic."   

I think what you told her was perfect for her age!!!

[Max]

How do I explain this to an almost four year old? I remember a book my parents had for me-and it was good, but I am afraid that it may be too much information for her age. I mean, I've kind of vaguely skirted the question by telling her that Mommy and Daddy love each other so much that they wanted a baby, and God was kind enough to give a baby to us...but at this point, that's about as far as I am willing to go.

I think that's perfect. 

Now, "how do you get the baby out?" will be harder to sweetly explain.

[VivisMom]

I agree. AND it is the truth. A baby is a miracle.

And please don't take her into the delivery room! I think parents that do that, is just creepy. Kids don't need to be in there when Mom's delivering. 

Oh good heavens no! I'm having a C-Section anyway, so no worries about her having to watch that horror show. But even if she wanted to I would NOT allow it. There are some things in this world children should never see, and watching their mom give birth is one of those things!

[jtyangel]

I thought what you initially said - that Mommy & Daddy love each other so much that God put a baby in Mommy's tummy - was perfect.

At four years old, she's exploring her world and asking questions so fast that she doesn't have time for the 'real' answers. Too soon for sex talk, for sure.

What Eupher said...trust me, she has no scope with which to know what she's even asking and she's not going to remember that you didn't tell the entire truth. As a married couple, there is nothing a 4 yr old needs to know beyond 'when a husband and wife love each other...etc'  She's not even mature or advanced enough yet to ask about the kids who 'don't' have a dad so keep it simple. They usually are very content with a simple answer that fits the world they live in--ie mommy and daddy love each other and babies happen in that case

[debk]

Oh good heavens no! I'm having a C-Section anyway, so no worries about her having to watch that horror show. But even if she wanted to I would NOT allow it. There are some things in this world children should never see, and watching their mom give birth is one of those things!

If you are having a C-section, that makes the next question easy too! Mommy's going to the hospital and the doctor is going to take the baby out of her stomach. You will have the bandage on to show her if she asks.



Kind of off topic....
We just had this discussion last night, as my daughter is thinking of having a 3rd child. She had both of hers by C-section, the dr asked her if she wanted him to cut in the same place as her first when she went in for the second delivery. She said of course. Her best friend has had 2 and has 2 separate incisions. Has your's asked yet? We couldn't figure out why it wouldn't be in the same place.

[Alpha Mare]

When my son was 4, he informed us where babies come from- Walmart!

Walmart?

Yes Mom, I see 'em in the carts all the time!

 

[debk]

When my son was 4, he informed us where babies come from- Walmart!

Walmart?

Yes Mom, I see 'em in the carts all the time!

 

That's so cute!! 


If that's the case, then some of them need to be put back! 

[Celtic Rose]

What Eupher said...trust me, she has no scope with which to know what she's even asking and she's not going to remember that you didn't tell the entire truth. As a married couple, there is nothing a 4 yr old needs to know beyond 'when a husband and wife love each other...etc'  She's not even mature or advanced enough yet to ask about the kids who 'don't' have a dad so keep it simple. They usually are very content with a simple answer that fits the world they live in--ie mommy and daddy love each other and babies happen in that case

That reminds me, when I was in college I worked in a 2nd grade classroom for a while as a teacher's assistant.  One time was helping two little girls with some work, and one asked "Miss --------, are you married" so I told her no, then she asked "Do you have any kids," and the other little girl interrupted to tell her that you had to be married to have kids.  They started arguing about it, then asked me if you had to be married to have kids.  Awkward...

[Karin]

That is awkward...

Vivismom, I think your answer is perfect.  Perfectly truthful, too. 

debk, you shocked me a little bit with that kid in the delivery room thing.  I guess I shouldn't be shocked, people do that?  Bring 4 year olds in?  Any kid in?  It isn't a birthday party.  I can't stand all the modern moonbatty trendy stuff people are doing surrounding childbirth. 

My mom never told us about any of this stuff.  I learned it at slumber parties.     Didn't believe it at first, either. 

[Celtic Rose]

That is awkward...

Vivismom, I think your answer is perfect.  Perfectly truthful, too. 

debk, you shocked me a little bit with that kid in the delivery room thing.  I guess I shouldn't be shocked, people do that?  Bring 4 year olds in?  Any kid in?  It isn't a birthday party.  I can't stand all the modern moonbatty trendy stuff people are doing surrounding childbirth. 

My mom never told us about any of this stuff.  I learned it at slumber parties.     Didn't believe it at first, either. 

Oh, I don't think I mentioned this above, Vivismom, your answer seems fine, and I think most 4 year olds would be perfectly content with it.

I learned at a slumber party, I didn't believe it either, and then I picked up all sorts of mis-information.  I was convinced for years that the guy could get "stuck", and that you would have to go the hospital to be separated, because my friend swore that it could happen.

[debk]

That is awkward...

Vivismom, I think your answer is perfect.  Perfectly truthful, too. 

debk, you shocked me a little bit with that kid in the delivery room thing.  I guess I shouldn't be shocked, people do that?  Bring 4 year olds in?  Any kid in?  It isn't a birthday party.  I can't stand all the modern moonbatty trendy stuff people are doing surrounding childbirth. 

My mom never told us about any of this stuff.  I learned it at slumber parties.     Didn't believe it at first, either. 

Yeah...I was pretty shocked when I heard about little siblings going into the labor/delivery room too! In hospitals where the mom stays in an "all-inclusive" room...the room is huge and anyone can be in there.

Where my daughter delivered, the rooms are like that. Her dad and his wife, husband's parents, brother and his wife, his grandparents, M and I were all there....along with friends that stopped by. Let me clarify that when the doctor or nurse came in to check her, we all walked out, nor was everyone in there all at one time. Obviously, they moved her to surgery for the C-section and only her husband was in there, then she was moved to a regular room. She was induced, in labor for about 12 hrs and had an emergency section as the cord wrapped around my grandson's neck. (IMO -she never ever should have been induced, just to coincide with her father's trip here!  )

However, if she had wanted us all in there - NFW would she have! - we all could have been!!!! I know people that have had their whole damn families in there, during delivery. Ewwww! I have never understood people who video the birth either (viewing "down there"!). When I had my first - they put a mirror so that I could watch her being born. I honestly didn't care to watch....I just wanted her OUT!!

[IassaFTots]

Oh, I don't think I mentioned this above, Vivismom, your answer seems fine, and I think most 4 year olds would be perfectly content with it.

I learned at a slumber party, I didn't believe it either, and then I picked up all sorts of mis-information.  I was convinced for years that the guy could get "stuck", and that you would have to go the hospital to be separated, because my friend swore that it could happen.

Yup, me too.  Just like braces!