Awright. WARNING! The following story may be hysterically funny or not funny at all. You've been warned.
My day started at 0100 when I woke up ostensibly for no reason at all, became wide awake and ready to go. But I knew that things were out of kilter because my bladder wasn't screaming at me (what usually happens after 5 hours of rack time).
And then, wafting up from the side of the bad, came the smell of the raunchiest dog fart I think I can ever remember (and there have been a few). Oh. My. God.
It became clear that the dog farts woke me up, because no sooner than one "dissipated", the dog let another one go. They were even audible, which REALLY freaked me out.
It was so bad, I got up, put my clothes on, and took Belle outside whereupon she took a leak and then a massive dump. I felt bad for her, actually, because she was full of defecate and probably was trying desperately to stifle the farts - failing horribly.
I was still somewhat wide awake, so I sat down on the couch. Belle decided she wanted to check on Mrs. E and bogarted into the bedroom whereupon she half-climbed into bed. Mrs. E exhibited no reaction, which was surprising.
I got Belle out of there and went back to the couch, but Belle was determined to keep tabs on Mrs. E. Back to bed for me, and Belle went back to laying on the floor. Next to the bed.
She wasn't done with the farts, although the interval was considerably longer - maybe 10 minutes between rips as opposed to only 2.
I managed to turn over and I think I drifted off again at 0300. The alarm rang at 0500 and here we go. I was at work at 0600 in time for a meeting at 0630, did that, and had a vendor come in at 0900. A second plant meeting at 1230, then it was time for lunch.
I went home and Belle didn't look any the worst for wear. I don't think she remembered her encounter with Dr. Flatulence.
So far so good. My nose hairs are burned out and I couldn't tell you if the freakin' building was on fire, but at least I'm not falling asleep at my desk.
Tonight I'm driving to rehearsal (40 miles one-way) where I'll get to exercise The Howitzer for awhile. After that comes the drive home. I'm not looking forward to the drive.