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Author Topic: Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!  (Read 2039 times)

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Offline ReardenSteel

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Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!
« on: March 02, 2009, 09:03:01 PM »
Celebutard of the Week: Gwyneth Paltrow
by Andrea Peyser
http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/apeyser/2009/03/02/celebutard-of-the-week-gwyneth-paltrow/

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After winning the Oscar for Shakespeare in Love, Gwyneth Paltrow has been shamefully idle (Shallow Hal, anyone?) Even her latest film, Two Lovers, co-starring Joaquin Phoenix, premiered, depressingly unnoticed, at the Sunshine Cinema on New York’s Lower East Side.

But Gwyneth, who moved to London after declaring, “We’re all going to die when George Bush has his way,’’ is far from allergic to taking home our money. Nor is the lady bred in an exclusive Manhattan private school opposed to reinventing herself in a curiously American kind of career:  lifestyle guru.

Quote
I never thought I’d read these words coming from the aristocratic Gwyn’s hand. But here is it is:

“If your bowel movements get sluggish, you can accelerate things by drinking half a cup of castor oil or using a mild herbal laxative. Bowel elimination is paramount for correct detoxification.’’

It's a little bit political but Gwyneth Paltrow-lifestyle guru-Bowl elimination talk just screams lounge!  :-)

Now is the time for the airing of the puns.

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"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline rich_t

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Re: Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2009, 09:04:05 PM »
WTF???
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Offline ReardenSteel

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Re: Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2009, 09:16:59 PM »
Quote from: rich_t on March 02, 2009, 09:04:05 PM
WTF???

With Gwyneth Paltrow a "WTF" is pretty much mandatory.
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"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline Rick

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Re: Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2009, 09:17:46 PM »
I am sure she is going to clean up in her new career.
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Offline ReardenSteel

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Re: Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2009, 09:23:24 PM »
Quote from: Ranger Rick on March 02, 2009, 09:17:46 PM
I am sure she is going to clean up in her new career.

And what a fine career movement it was.
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"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline Odin's Hand

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Re: Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2009, 09:25:51 PM »
This is what happens when you become "perma-fried".
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!
« Reply #6 on: March 02, 2009, 09:37:39 PM »
She dispenses her lifestyle advice in a newsletter titled GOOP.  :lmao:
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Offline Eupher

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Re: Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!
« Reply #7 on: March 02, 2009, 10:22:18 PM »
This thread is a real gas.

And I'm kinda wonderin' if ol' Gwyn's as squeezably soft as her tp is.
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Offline Chris

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Re: Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2009, 10:27:41 PM »
Quote from: Eupher on March 02, 2009, 10:22:18 PM
This thread is a real gas.

And I'm kinda wonderin' if ol' Gwyn's as squeezably soft as her tp is.

She looks kinda skinny.  My guess is no.
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Offline NHSparky

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Re: Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!
« Reply #9 on: March 03, 2009, 10:19:00 AM »
As long as she doesn't try to team up with Sheryl Crow and tell us to use only one square of TP afterwards.

Then again, I doubt she's done this.  Give a liberal an enema and you could bury them in a thimble.
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Offline Wineslob

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Re: Sluggish bowels? See Gwyneth Paltrow!
« Reply #10 on: March 03, 2009, 10:19:17 AM »
Has she finally learned to tell her ass from a hole in the ground??    :mental:
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