
The nation was rocked to its core this week after a substance later determined to be cocaine was found in the West Wing of the White House. The always-trustworthy and not-in-any-way-corrupt D.C. Police Department immediately launched a very thorough 15-minute investigation to learn the identity of the culprit.
While it's unlikely we'll ever know who could have possibly brought cocaine into the house where President Biden and his crack-addicted son were staying, The Babylon Bee has obtained a list of 15 other things found at the White House during the search:
1) Three more illegitimate children of Hunter Biden
2) Dead hookers
3) Live hookers
4) $72 billion marked "For Zelenskyy"
5) Teddy Roosevelt's skateboard
6) Jill Biden's Fisher-Price pretend doctor's kit
7) Dominion voting machine programming manual
8) Scrapbook containing Hunter Biden's baby teeth...and his adult teeth.
9) Ray Epps
10) A notebook labeled "Chairman Xi's To-Do List"
11) 30 suitcases left behind by Sam Brinton
12) List of unsecured locations of classified documents
13) Hunter's other laptop (where he keeps the REALLY bad stuff)
14) A closet full of adult diapers
15) Glass vial labeled "Next Pandemic — Save for 2024"
https://babylonbee.com/news/15-other-things-the-secret-service-found-at-the-white-house