You may really be able to do a lot of other things, DUmmie, discounting the normally high BS level of any post involving a DUmmie's education, work history, experience, skills, intelligence, or work ethic.
Problem is, you aren't CURRENT in any of those things, and in the last 15 years, every admin field has moved on into reliance on programs and apps of which you are utterly ignorant. They can find someone vastly more qualified than you by picking the first green-as-grass vo-tech associate's degree business grad who walks in the door. At this point your alleged skills are useless for anything but a law practice, and let me tell you a dirty little secret - by and large, most small-to-medium law firms aren't looking for dudes as secretaries, they want someone who naturally disarms the people they deal with (I.e., a chick, ideally a personable, pleasant, and not-unattractive chick), doesn't set off the clients or contacts gaydar, and who can can double as general reception and Girl Friday. You are doomed.
Also, as far as making your resume more striking goes, you should include an 8x10 color glossy of a severed head, and links to some of your greatest posts on DU.
