Anyone have a hard time caring for elderly parents?

[dutch508]

When I retired from the Army in 2011 my mom was sick again. She had fought cancer for 10 years but when it came back this time, lung cancer, she told us she wasn't doing Chemo anymore. It was a very hard year for Dad and I watching her slowly die. She stayed home the entire time and for the last month we had a hospice nurse coming to assist. We were all with her when she passed. I was the one to was in the room and made sure she was ready before Dad came in to say goodbye.
Since then I have assisted Dad when needed and when asked. He is doing ok but slowing down. He says he isn't going to be doing the heavy work anymore but is now a 'supervisor'. There are sometimes I would rather be doing something else. I think about everything he has done for me over the years and then I feel guilty for even thinking that.

Not this DUmp monkie.

Aerows (27,144 posts) http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018673011

Anyone have a hard time caring for elderly parents?
Mine seem to think they can jump into the back of a pickup truck (mom did - 82) just weeks after she fell in a parking lot.

Dad (86) is waving his cane around directing me to do things, and I nearly broke my finger helping him with his latest "project"

Of course, I'm the callous, insensitive, lazy daughter that got hurt and then pointed out that they don't need to be doing that shit anymore, and asking me to assist them on a moments notice because someone could get hurt.

My blood pressure was 180/103 when I went to the doctor a few days ago to have a normal prescription filled. I weigh about 110 right now.

 
I don't doubt she was such a wonderful child.

NYC_SKP (61,933 posts)
1. It's hard, you have my sympathy, Aerows.

Hang in there, and if you're taking hypertension meds, stay on them.

I went through several years with mine and then they passed last year.

It was hard work, and sad, to watch them go and challenging to find the time and strength to supervise their care, but worth it.

Take care.

Amen skippy

logosoco (956 posts)
5. You sound more sensitive than I feel I am with my mom!

My mom will be 80 next year, she is in great health...physically! Mentally, she has always been kind of off.

Lately I have noticed that sometimes her behavior reminds me a lot of my grandsons, sort of an "I need attention" attitude. So I try to deal with her as I would a kid. This is kind of hard, because she has always been the parent, but it does make a difference. Makes me feel more patient somehow.
I hope you can find the peace that will help with your own health! 

Again, well said, Dump monkie

Aerows (27,144 posts)
6. I got a "summons" to come unload some shit from the pickup that my MOTHER that fell about 3 months ago was standing in the back of to help unload it.

I will not live past 42 with this. My sister doesn't live here, and she is useless even if she did because she is too "into herself".

I don't doubt if you needed help in the past your parents were there... or you bitched about it.

[Delmar]

Response to Aerows (Reply #6)Sat Oct 4, 2014, 12:45 AM
840high (3,496 posts)
8. Hard as it might be - learn

to say "no". Tell them you made plans.

Sorry Ma, I'm busy--hire somebody but make sure to pay them at least $15/hr.

[BattleHymn]

It's another boring Saturday on Skin's Island, with most of the primitives still blacked out from the night before.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018673011

Fri Oct 3, 2014, 09:10 PM
Star Member Aerows (27,144 posts)

Anyone have a hard time caring for elderly parents?

Mine seem to think they can jump into the back of a pickup truck (mom did - 82) just weeks after she fell in a parking lot.

Dad (86) is waving his cane around directing me to do things, and I nearly broke my finger helping him with his latest "project"

Of course, I'm the callous, insensitive, lazy daughter that got hurt and then pointed out that they don't need to be doing that shit anymore, and asking me to assist them on a moments notice because someone could get hurt.

My blood pressure was 180/103 when I went to the doctor a few days ago to have a normal prescription filled. I weigh about 110 right now.

Fri Oct 3, 2014, 09:25 PM
Star Member NYC_SKP (61,934 posts)
1. It's hard, you have my sympathy, Aerows.

Hang in there, and if you're taking hypertension meds, stay on them.

I went through several years with mine and then they passed last year.

It was hard work, and sad, to watch them go and challenging to find the time and strength to supervise their care, but worth it.

Take care.

Fri Oct 3, 2014, 09:30 PM
Hell Hath No Fury (15,185 posts)
2. Caregivers forum --

Come join the party!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1274

And yes, I care for my 83 year old Mom on my own. She is going to be moving in with me after the holidays -- I am terrified. It is hard as heck. Between their obstinance and the caregivers frustration it can get pretty stressful.

ri Oct 3, 2014, 09:35 PM
Star Member logosoco (956 posts)
5. You sound more sensitive than I feel I am with my mom!

My mom will be 80 next year, she is in great health...physically! Mentally, she has always been kind of off.

Lately I have noticed that sometimes her behavior reminds me a lot of my grandsons, sort of an "I need attention" attitude. So I try to deal with her as I would a kid. This is kind of hard, because she has always been the parent, but it does make a difference. Makes me feel more patient somehow.

I hope you can find the peace that will help with your own health!

Sat Oct 4, 2014, 04:57 AM
MADem (104,908 posts)
9. Just breathe.

If they start berating you, tell them your feelings are hurt. Share your medical issues with them. Let them know you're stressed out.

That works to get them to back off. Might not take on the first go-round, but over time it will sink in.

Don't play the doormat, it will only lead to resentment. Be really clear about FEELINGS.

FEEEEELINGS.  FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS.   If I had a primitive child who was looking to stick a knife in my back to get my last dollar, I'd make their life hell, too.

[BattleHymn]

Shit.  It appears I duped this topic.   

Can a mod please combine it with this one? 

http://conservativecave.com/index.php?topic=98458.0;topicseen
 

[GOBUCKS]

Aerows is the lezbo DUmmy who worried about the price of eggs going up due to drought.

She's the idiot who played with a wild raccoon until it bit her, and then she claimed she owes $18,000 out-of-pocket for rabies shots.

[JohnnyReb]

DUmmie children reach puberty at around age 70.

[Carl]

Aerows (27,144 posts)
6. I got a "summons" to come unload some shit from the pickup that my MOTHER that fell about 3 months ago was standing in the back of to help unload it.

I will not live past 42 with this. My sister doesn't live here, and she is useless even if she did because she is too "into herself".

You worthless scumbag...your parents probably spent all of their life from the day you were born putting you above all else in life and you are pissed that you have to return some in their senior years??

Listen you throwback mutt,I have lived the life with elderly and infirmed parents.
Not as much a situation as some face and more then others,it was what was.
No matter how much at times it may seem unfair or a burden I would not shirk it again even knowing what it involves and the sacrifices.
It is just the decent and right thing to do.

Of course that never matters to you pieces of shit,all you care about is yourself and how you can get what you want with the least amount of effort and God forbid that word I used...sacrifice.

There are times you primitives amuse me,other times annoy me and now and then just really prove what inhuman,despicable creatures we are cursed to have to live among.
I should wish that God has pity on your rotting,putrid soul but I can`t and won`t.
You deserve nothing but misery,I hope you suffer much. 

[Dblhaul]

**** these assholes
I drove for 3 hours today to share 1 hour with my Dad. He was tired from cemo.

Three hours to get home.

I'll do it tomorrow to.

[DumbAss Tanker]

Aerows (27,144 posts) http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018673011

Anyone have a hard time caring for elderly parents?

Since you're a DUmmy, I have to ask whether that rather ambiguous question means 'Providing for them,' or 'Giving a shit about them?'

 

[SVPete]

A couple of DU-folk had good practical advice. "Aerows" sounds too into herself to heed it. She might be reminded that the time is coming soon when her parents won't be there to be POed at or to be loved by her. Sadly, it seems likely that her response, if so reminded, might be, "Good!", plus or minus a few expletives.

We helped in the care for my parents, from a couple hours' drive away. And my MIL lived with us the last 4 1/2 years of her life. Were there frustrations and tensions? Duh! Would we do it again? Emphatically, yes!

Some aspects of forming good character happen best during difficulties. Not that this realization makes difficulties any less difficult.

[BlueStateSaint]

You worthless scumbag...your parents probably spent all of their life from the day you were born putting you above all else in life and you are pissed that you have to return some in their senior years??

Listen you throwback mutt,I have lived the life with elderly and infirmed parents.
Not as much a situation as some face and more then others,it was what was.
No matter how much at times it may seem unfair or a burden I would not shirk it again even knowing what it involves and the sacrifices.
It is just the decent and right thing to do.

Of course that never matters to you pieces of shit,all you care about is yourself and how you can get what you want with the least amount of effort and God forbid that word I used...sacrifice.

There are times you primitives amuse me,other times annoy me and now and then just really prove what inhuman,despicable creatures we are cursed to have to live among.
I should wish that God has pity on your rotting,putrid soul but I can`t and won`t.
You deserve nothing but misery,I hope you suffer much. 

My dad and mom live only 30 minutes away, and they still take it upon themselves to do things for me from time to time.  But, when they need help, they don't bother asking us at all.  Must be the way they were brought up.  Case in point--my dad gets firewood in pre-notched (for cutting) 15-foot log lengths (8 cords' worth at a time).  The last time I found out about it, it was his next-door neighbor that told me.  He had already cut and split about two cords' worth!  I've told my mother to have him call me when he goes to cut and split it up, but I get more reaction out of the brick front of the house.  A high school friend of mine tolod me, last year, "It's what they do.  All we can do is to stay out of the way."  Do you know how hard that is to do?  My dad then says to me, "I don't recover from colds and stuff as fast as I used to."  My response?  'Dad, you're not my age anymore.  Slow down a bit."  Does he listen?  Nooooooo.

At least I know where The Heiress gets it from . . .

I've also learned to be proactive and ask them.  They still won't accept any help.

[MrsSmith]

Would give anything if my parents were still around needing help...

[67 Rover]

Would give anything if my parents were still around needing help...

This.

[freedumb2003b]

Would give anything if my parents were still around needing help...

Yes, my mother in particular.

[diesel driver]

Would give anything if my parents were still around needing help...

Ditto!

Mom's still alive and kicking at 83 (next month), Dad passed away almost 18 years ago, and I miss him!

[GOBUCKS]

I think DUmmy Aerows is a little jealous of her parents.

As a middle-aged lezbo sex pervert, a terrible realization is beginning to dawn on her.

In her own rapidly approaching old age, not a single person on earth will care whether she lives or dies.

[DumbAss Tanker]

I think DUmmy Aerows is a little jealous of her parents.

As a middle-aged lezbo sex pervert, a terrible realization is beginning to dawn on her.

In her own rapidly approaching old age, not a single person on earth will care whether she lives or dies.

Some, in fact, will even be uplifted and cheered by her protracted and painful demise...