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Offline franksolich

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primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« on: August 13, 2014, 11:53:23 PM »
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1260684

Oh my.

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wordpix (13,401 posts)    Sun Aug 10, 2014, 12:10 PM

friends need help, mentally ill grown son at home

My friends in their early 70's have a grown son, age 30, living at home who is mentally ill. His personal hygiene is terrible, he has a college degree and is very smart but spends all day sleeping and all night writing code on several computers; he cannot connect with members of the opposite sex or former/potential friends due to his antisocial behavior and strange looks (filthy stringy hair down to his waist, for example), and each week he gets more violent. He throws things, punches holes in their walls, breaks up furniture, tells his parents to DIE, blames them for all his troubles, etc. He refuses to help around the house or clean up after himself. His parents are providing food, shelter, health insurance, cable and computers, but he throws a fit if they ask him to wash a plate. The son's rationality is just gone.
 
My friends say they can't do anything b/c if they ask him to leave and they change the locks, he will be homeless and angrier, and could return to burn down their house or worse. Friends do not think jail will help, either. So far the son has a short record ---he's been admitted to a hospital where they only observed him a few hrs. and then let him leave, and he was also taken into custody for abuse of his mother, resulting in a hearing but no penalty. He has to commit a crime to go to jail, which so far he hasn't done.
 
The son is an adult and does not want help. He refuses to avail himself of mental health services in the community, which are few but at least there's something.
 
Has anyone been through something like this? I would like to offer helpful suggestions to my friends but can see why they're stuck in this neverending limbo which is ruining their lives. They are fearful, for one thing, about what the son might do if they insist he go out on his own. They are also fearful for him b/c he will be homeless.

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kickysnana (3,577 posts)    Sun Aug 10, 2014, 04:37 PM

3. Given the state of things in this country if it were me I would sell the house and go on an extended

vacation while they can.

They have done all they can and should do for him. You do not have to let your children kill you.

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Ilsa (34,567 posts)    Sun Aug 10, 2014, 08:43 PM

5. He sounds like he is unmedicated and

unable to see the reality of his situation and the probable consequences of his behavior.
 
I think the parents need to talk to each other and decide how far they are willing to go in the event "abandoning" him becomes a recommendation. It sounds like they aren't willing to do this yet.
 
It also depends on whether the son has always been this way or had onset of his illness later, like in college. If it was later, I wonder if the parents could legally acquire guardianship of him. Then he legally would not have the right to refuse treatment, etc.
 
Too many unknowns. The parents need a lawyer, perhaps one who works with disability and guardianship issues.

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cbayer (133,590 posts)    Tue Aug 12, 2014, 03:28 AM

6. They should contact NAMI, the national alliance on mental illness.

The have state and local chapters who should be able to provide information on their alternatives, including involuntary commitment for evaluation and treatment.
 
Laws vary from state to state, but from your description, I would be concerned about potential dangerousness.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2014, 12:10:20 AM »
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kickysnana (3,577 posts)    Sun Aug 10, 2014, 04:37 PM

3. Given the state of things in this country if it were me I would sell the house and go on an extended vacation while they can.
Best advice so far.
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Offline 98ZJUSMC

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2014, 12:14:33 AM »
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kickysnana (3,577 posts)    Sun Aug 10, 2014, 04:37 PM

3. Given the state of things in this country if it were me I would sell the house and go on an extended vacation while they can.



Quote
have a grown son, age 30, living at home who is mentally ill. His personal hygiene is terrible, he has a college degree and is very smart but spends all day sleeping and all night writing code on several computers; he cannot connect with members of the opposite sex or former/potential friends due to his antisocial behavior and strange looks (filthy stringy hair down to his waist, for example), and each week he gets more violent. He throws things, punches holes in their walls, breaks up furniture, tells his parents to DIE, blames them for all his troubles, etc. He refuses to help around the house or clean up after himself. His parents are providing food, shelter, health insurance, cable and computers, but he throws a fit if they ask him to wash a plate. The son's rationality is just gone.

The two are related.  You will never admit to why.
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Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2014, 12:38:25 AM »
Sounds like Bennyboy, the DUmmy with "squeamish carcinoma", who waited until his elderly parents were ill, then finished them off.
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Offline DUmpsterDiver

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2014, 06:36:26 AM »
It should not be too hard to goad or bait the insufferable leech into doing something illegal.  When the chrome bracelets arrive, they can fumigate his cage and get a restraining order.
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Offline Carl

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2014, 10:46:31 AM »
What is his DUmp name?
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #6 on: August 14, 2014, 11:12:49 AM »
Actually the DUmmies are jealous of the primitives basement dwelling life style.
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Offline 67 Rover

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2014, 11:14:06 AM »
Quote from: Carl on August 14, 2014, 10:46:31 AM
What is his DUmp name?

And who is paying for his Obamacare?  A pair of latex gloves, a hand full of hair and out you go.  Problem solved.
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Offline Gina

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2014, 02:01:37 PM »
Gah! Just get a backbone and live your life.  Don't worry about your kid and his future if he isn't going to even take part in it.  Geeez!!!  and make sure your home insurance is paid.   :fuelfire:
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Offline sharkhawk

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #9 on: August 14, 2014, 02:12:35 PM »
Sounds like the Canadian Duhme was a big hit on the dumpster last year.  Forget his name but he went to Hawaii with his parents try to go to college and broke down and cried.  Haven't seen him for awhile
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Offline franksolich

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #10 on: August 14, 2014, 02:15:49 PM »
Quote from: sharkhawk on August 14, 2014, 02:12:35 PM
Sounds like the Canadian Duhme was a big hit on the dumpster last year.  Forget his name but he went to Hawaii with his parents try to go to college and broke down and cried.  Haven't seen him for awhile

That was the locust primitive, the "Loc0tus" primitive.

He's been gone ever since he was named host of some new forum on Skins's island--the responsibilities of the "job" probably overwhelmed him, scaring him away--and I agree; he's sorely missed, and I wish he'd come back.
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apres moi, le deluge

Milo Yiannopoulos "It has been obvious since 2016 that Trump carries an anointing of some kind. My American friends, are you so blind to reason, and deaf to Heaven? Can he do all this, and cannot get a crown? This man is your King. Coronate him, and watch every devil shriek, and every demon howl."

Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #11 on: August 14, 2014, 02:16:43 PM »
Quote from: sharkhawk on August 14, 2014, 02:12:35 PM
Sounds like the Canadian Duhme was a big hit on the dumpster last year.  Forget his name but he went to Hawaii with his parents try to go to college and broke down and cried.  Haven't seen him for awhile

LocoNuts, the Canadian loon, is sorely missed.

He and Dennis the Menace were a great one-two punch in the DUmp nuthatch.

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Offline sharkhawk

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #12 on: August 14, 2014, 02:58:53 PM »
Quote
LocoNuts, the Canadian loon, is sorely missed.

He and Dennis the Menace were a great one-two punch in the DUmp nuthatch.

That's it Loco for LocoNuts.  Whatever happened to him?  Did he finally succeed at something (offing himself) or did his parents have to do it for him, like they had done everything for him since  birth.
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Offline vesta111

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Re: primitive describes elderly couple with primitive son
« Reply #13 on: August 14, 2014, 03:55:52 PM »
Quote from: sharkhawk on August 14, 2014, 02:58:53 PM
That's it Loco for LocoNuts.  Whatever happened to him?  Did he finally succeed at something (offing himself) or did his parents have to do it for him, like they had done everything for him since  birth.

Horrified me when a --in law told me about her kids.  A daughter that that  had just gotten out of jail and taken back custody of her kids, all 4 of them.  I asked her about where was her son, her husband and father to the kids.  He the father was living in their home at he time but he was their child and his wife and children were on their own.

Things that make one sick to their stomach and make one wonder about the world we live in.   

For some reason some parents will enable their children to fail, enable their kids to destroy their own children.   
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