DUmmy "dickthegrouch" wonders why he's unemployable

[BannedFromDU]

Star Member dickthegrouch (1,898 posts)

If the job market is so good....

It is for people with skills who can work with others.

Why have I not received a single company-generated show of interest in over a year?

Because you probably have no skills and you can't work with others.

One company actually has the nerve to tell me "We already have your profile on file, we'll let you know if anything matching your profile comes up" when I try to submit new profiles to new positions.

Um, they already KNOW about you, DUmbass. If they ever need a Chief Moonbat Officer, they'll call.


 Many others tell us they keep our resumes for 3-6 months and they'll match to anything appropriate and contact us if so.

It's bullshit!

Profits are at record highs and you're not employed. Sounds like someone's getting it right, actually.

I have a very varied career

Translation: I have no specific skills.

 in software design, marketing, finance, tech support and crisis management.

Crisis management? WTF?

 There are dozens of jobs I could do. I haven't been matched to any of them by the stupid automated resume matchers, ever.

The trouble is, someone else can do them better.


The other thing that makes no sense to me is being told by some 'experts' that you have to tailor your resume to the position description (i.e. yank the position description wording out and insert it in your resume so that the match algorithms have something to match to), and then tell you to submit as quickly as possible because many descriptions close after receiving 100 or 200 applications. I have many instances where less than 30 minutes after receiving notification of a hit on *MY* keyword searches, I have tried to submit a resume and been told that that position can no longer be found.

Companies are losing out on hundreds of good people by limiting their pool to 100-200 applicants. Shareholders should be concerned.

Yeah, shareholders are growing ever more enraged that "dickthegrouch" isn't employed.



I'm loyal, smart, resourceful and innovative. I live in the best area in the world for my exact field. How do I get noticed/hired?

Gee, maybe it's because you self-identify as a dick who is a grouch?

MANative (1,615 posts)
6. It's a darned good thing that you're a fellow liberal, otherwise I'd be charging you...

upwards of $200/hour for this advice.


 Anyhoo... your network is not just your former colleagues, although that's not a bad place to start. Even though someone is retired, he or she may still maintain relationships with people still active in the industry. Join LinkedIn if you haven't already. You'd be surprised at how many old colleagues come out of the woodwork. Talk to everyone about what you're looking for - your neighbors, your barber, your third cousin's best friend's roommate. You never know who may have a connection that could be useful. I've found connections in the most implausible of places and relationships. Use a phrase like this: "I'm networking to improve my career standing, and I'd value your input and opinion. Who do you suggest that I speak with about (fill in the blank)?" It's a huge compliment to be asked for "help" and people rarely refuse. It's an ego stroke for them to do something for someone else. Human nature - I've got 700 pages of scientific study to prove it. (Sad fact: People are born with this tendency, but can "unlearn" it. Serious bummer, but most people in the liberal world hang on to it more than folks on the other side of the proverbial aisle. More documentation to prove that, too.)

Cultivate those relationships when you rekindle them. Don't worry about wooing someone with expensive dinners, etc. Just ask someone to meet you for coffee, or schedule a phone meeting every couple of weeks. Do things to help them with their needs to prove your dependability. Just be careful not to give too much away for free (my biggest problem - I'm a giver, and don't get compensated for nearly enough of the work I do). Turn it into a contract assignment when you can. That often leads to repeat business - longer contracts and permanent roles. Also, don't drop those relationships when you do land something. It'll make you appear like a user rather than a networker if you suddenly disappear back into the ether.

Don't be afraid to talk to people you've been out of touch with in a long time. People love to hear from old friends and colleagues. "You've been on my mind because I know you were always the best person to deal with XYZ problem, and I'd love to hear your perspective on ABC."

Good luck!

         <----- that "advice" is worth exactly one emoticon, which is free.

[Big Dog]

Star Member dickthegrouch (1,898 posts)

If the job market is so good....

Why have I not received a single company-generated show of interest in over a year?

Let's find out, shall we?

Hmmm... your e-mail address corresponds to a 5 star review on Amazon for "Japanese schoolgirl panties", and another for some sort of electric shock device with an anal probe attachment. What do you do with a "velvet wand", anyway?

Your Facebook page includes a picture of a fat man wearing a crotchless Grouch costume, either bought or stolen from Sesame Street on Ice. You, Dick?

Your DU posting history includes statements supporting the execution of business owners and forced redistribution of their assets to "the workers". That would be a deal breaker for most employers, Dick. I'll tell you that I wouldn't hire you.

And lastly, a cursory glance at your interview history, such as it is, included the notes "mumbles", "smells of urine", and "orange stains on face- maybe Cheetos?"

It's a mystery to me why you have not been offered a job as CEO at one of the Forbes 400, Dick.  A friggin' mystery.

[landofconfusion80]

Let's find out, shall we?

Hmmm... your e-mail address corresponds to a 5 star review on Amazon for "Japanese schoolgirl panties", and another for some sort of electric shock device with an anal probe attachment. What do you do with a "velvet wand", anyway?

Your Facebook page includes a picture of a fat man wearing a crotchless Grouch costume, either bought or stolen from Sesame Street on Ice. You, Dick?

Your DU posting history includes statements supporting the execution of business owners and forced redistribution of their assets to "the workers". That would be a deal breaker for most employers, Dick. I'll tell you that I wouldn't hire you.

And lastly, a cursory glance at your interview history, such as it is, included the notes "mumbles", "smells of urine", and "orange stains on face- maybe Cheetos?"

It's a mystery to me why you have not been offered a job as CEO at one of the Forbes 400, Dick.  A friggin' mystery.

can we get a "best of rants" section?

[Big Dog]

And then there's your resume', Dick.

Under "Published works", you probably shouldn't list "1,876 1,897 1,898 posts  on Democrat Underground".

Describing your periods of unemployment as "freedom from capitalist oppression" was not a good idea.

And listing Poor Poor Pitiful Pitt, PhDD, and Locopuffs as your references (using their DUmp handles) didn't do you any favors, either.

[Big Dog]

can we get a "best of rants" section?

Thank you, sir.

[BlueStateSaint]

Gee, maybe it's because you self-identify as a dick who is a grouch?



         <----- that "advice" is worth exactly one emoticon, which is free.

You're mellowing, BFDU . . .

H5 for you and BD!

[Carl]

Sounds like he can`t hold a job...wonder if his chosen DUmbass name has anything to do with it?

[Gina]

Star Member dickthegrouch (1,898 posts)

Sorry hon, if you are all that you say then it's just you.  They don't like you.

[DumbAss Tanker]

Crisis management? WTF?

Oh, I'm sure there were plenty of crises where he worked...mostly created by him.

[Karin]

How about that smarmy advice?  I hate it when someone starts a sentence with "anyhoo."  It's douchey.  If someone talked to me like that, I'd instantly know him as a fake phony fraud, someone who wanted me to do his job hunting for him. 

[JohnnyReb]

DUmmies are unemployed and corporate profits are high....DUmping deadbeats is good for the bottom line.

[GOBUCKS]

How about that smarmy advice?  I hate it when someone starts a sentence with "anyhoo."  It's douchey. 

Right! Add "methinks" to that. Anyone prone to using cutesy words immediately consigns their to credibility to the shitcan.

Like the nutbag fizzgig and her "t****s" instead of potatoes.

(I will give her some credit for accuracy in describing herself as a "bag of smashed assholes".}

[Bad Dog]

Strange thing.  I substituted the word "blonde" for "company" in dick's statement and was reminded of a video I watched recently.  But, I just can't place it.

[Airwolf]

Let's find out, shall we?

Hmmm... your e-mail address corresponds to a 5 star review on Amazon for "Japanese schoolgirl panties", and another for some sort of electric shock device with an anal probe attachment. What do you do with a "velvet wand", anyway?

Your Facebook page includes a picture of a fat man wearing a crotchless Grouch costume, either bought or stolen from Sesame Street on Ice. You, Dick?

Your DU posting history includes statements supporting the execution of business owners and forced redistribution of their assets to "the workers". That would be a deal breaker for most employers, Dick. I'll tell you that I wouldn't hire you.

And lastly, a cursory glance at your interview history, such as it is, included the notes "mumbles", "smells of urine", and "orange stains on face- maybe Cheetos?"

It's a mystery to me why you have not been offered a job as CEO at one of the Forbes 400, Dick.  A friggin' mystery.

A mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson for sure. 

[USA4ME]

Oh, I'm sure there were plenty of crises where he worked...mostly created by him.

That's the problem. With the primitives, crisis management IS the business plan.

.

[Mr Mannn]

Star Member dickthegrouch (1,898 posts)

You're not Doug Bulna, are you? About the right post count for a sock puppet.

Even if you are not, understand this: You serve Obama better as an unemployed sad sack, hopelessly dependent on Democrats for your next meal. Thats why there is NO jobs program with this administration, they want you dependent...and that is where you will be for the rest of your life.

[Gina]

You're not Doug Bulna, are you? About the right post count for a sock puppet.

He is unemployed