I usually counsel them to jump off a tall building, DD. Even dummies can't screw that up. Unless they land on their head. Then they break the pavement, get up and scream Bush made me do it!!!!!

Years ago, someone jumped off one of the bridges in Charleston into the Kanawah River. I'm talking late 80's/early 90's, maybe even early 80's.
Idiot survived, but received numerous
cuts and bruises from landing in the water. One of our drivers at the time remarked the idiot jumper probably didn't even get wet!
Another time, I was delayed by someone DUmbass on the top of the Dunbar Toll Bridge, threatening to jump. Cops and FD had the bridge blocked off, and because of it, I had to detour 8 miles to continue my route that day. If I had a gun, I'd made the decision for him!