redstatebluegirl (781 posts)
Today I should have said something and didn't I am very angry with myself.
I was in a local business today having my car worked on. I overheard a conversation about one of the young men at the counter who was Hispanic. He was a very nice young man, seemed to enjoy his job and care about the customers. These two men were making some horrible racist comments. I shot them a look but ignored them. I'm always afraid they are "carrying" and would harm me.
The next time I promise to speak up, remaining silent gives them permission to be bigots!
Dear redstatebluegirl,
I feel a kind of kinship with you (being a bluestateredgirl), so let me endeavor (that means try) to show you a proper bouncy. For a most excellent example, please look to the DU archives for posts by bouncie ball, these are perfection. Since immigration reform is the cause du jour of leftist nutbags such as yourself, you should find this little guide helpful. As I am a conservative, I'm going to do it from a conservative perspective, but will do my best to make it as inane & fake as yours.
So (So is perhaps the most important element of a bouncy, it lets the reader know they are about to read a story that pertains to whatever topic is currently being pushed by your leaders for you to parrot. While even your nutjob buddies will recognize it as being a figment of your imagination, it doesn't matter if it's politically correct and shows conservatives to be the racists you've convinced yourselves they are. During the trial that failed to find justice for 0bama's son, for instance, there were a lot of stories about white racists even though Zimmerman was Hispanic). Anyway...
So, I was taking my truck to be serviced. I was wearing one of my favorite t-shirts. I got it free a long time ago when I bought a membership for Rush 24/7. It says "Last man standing" on the back and "Rush Hudson Limbaugh...MMM, MMM, MMM" on the front. (This establishes my creditials as a true blue conservative, thus worthy of all the accolades and pats on the back my story deserves).
My cousin-in-law Adrian, who is Mexican, came with me (this is one thing you got right, introducing the appropriate victim class in the beginning). He drove his car because mine was going to stay overnight (again, this isn't true as Adrian lives in CA and I only get to see once a year or so, but it's important I have someone of the correct race, gender or sexual orientation to make this work. Had I really wanted to push it, I could've used Rey, my gay, Mexican brother but I didn't want to confuse you by adding another element to the story).
Well, we're sitting there waiting for the mechanic, and in walks this flabby, disheveled woman. She smelled like a combination of pot, b.o. and patchouli oil. Adrian, who has no use for dirty hippies and can't stand the smell of patchouli oil (again, I have no idea how he feels about either because it's never come up in conversation, but it's essential to my tale), starts talking up a blue streak in Spanish.
So, I say to him (it's important to remember every conversation word or word), "Damn, Adrian, you know I can barely understand you when you speak Spanish, slow down and try English!"
So, he says, "Sorry, I just can't stand dirty, smelly hippies!" The hippy woman was up at the counter talking to someone who was trying to hold his nose without her knowing it so she didn't hear his comment.
And I jokingly said, "Well, maybe she's an illegal alien from Amsterdam".
Well, the hippy chick must have only heard me say "illegal alien" because she came unglued! She started screaming at me and said (word for word), "How can you be such a racist bitch! He just wants to have the same opportunities you have. He's not an illegal immigrant, he's an undocumented worker. If you had any feelings, you'd know that! People like you should be put in reeducation camps until you learn some compassion!" I thought pot made people mellow, but evidently not in this case.
(Here's the part where, if it were your story, you establish your bravery standing up for the poor ethnic minority. Except you'd have to make me some gun toting, 6 foot tall redneck or something. Still, it really doesn't matter if I'm a woman and he's a man who's stronger and taller than me. This might prove to be an interesting variation. Equal pay for women has been put on the back burner, replaced by immigration reform. Besides, my t-shirt identifies me as a racist. However, since this is MY story, you're going to look like the crazy, uniformed idiot who can't mind her own business).
I turned around to look at Adrian, thinking we'd both have a good laugh at this crazy woman but he looked like he was about ready to clock her so I stepped between the two of them and opened my purse wide enough so she could see I have a pistol, hoping that would be enough to make her back off. (Oh, wait, I guess this does make me the gun toting redneck). Didn't deter her one bit!
She kept screaming at me saying, "It's your fault! White people took the land that rightfully belonged to Mexico" (evidently she forgot she's also white). So actually, they're really on their own land!"
I said, "I don't remember Mexico extending all the way up to Oregon, besides, this is my cousin. He came here legally and doesn't like that people come here illegally, either!"
Well, she didn't believe me, or didn't hear the part about Adrian not liking people who cheated their way in, because she goes, "You treat your own family like that! Like he's a second class citizen! I suppose you make him do your yard work, too!"
I said, "Well, he is a landscaper!" I was going to add that I pay him just as any customer would but she swung her hand back like she was going to slap me. I reached in my purse to grab my pistol. Thought I was going to have to shoot her in the foot or something!
Just then, a cop jumped out from behind a potted bush in front of a stack of tires. (This is another important element. You need a cop who will be on your side. I know you guys usually hate cops but when you're trying to show everyone you're noble and right and good, having law enforcement on your side is one of the few times you CAN like them. He told this crazy lady if she didn't calm down he'd haul her off to jail. Well, she shut up real fast but kept shooting me dirty looks until I got the estimate from the mechanic and Adrian and I left.
I went over and thanked the police officer on my way out the door while she sat there seething with rage! As I was opening the door, the other customers who'd been looking at the liberal harpy with disdain stood up and started clapping loudly and nodding their heads in my direction. One even gave me a high 5 because I stood up to this person who was acting like an escapee from a mental institution and thanked me for using logic and restraint. (This is also a necessary part of your story. By the sheer intelligence and compassion of your argument the entire viewing public must think you practically walk on water).
As you can see, there are four important elements: starting with the ever popular "so", remembering dialogue word for word, receiving praise from everyone around you for being a freaking genius who puts the wrong person in their place and having a cop jumping out from behind something. A bush is preferable but anything that a cop can hide behind that fits the theme will work most of the time. It would probably be preferable for me to explain why the cop was in the exact location and the exact right time, but I was getting bored.
Now that you know the proper form, try rewriting yours. But remember, you need to speak up! You're not supposed to be mousy in a bouncy! You stand up for the underdogs! You face the racists hicks with determination, your head held high! Your weapon is your self righteous anger! It should make any conservative cower. How are you going to get praise from a captive audience if you don't put the racist, sexist, homophobe in their place?
Cindie
