Due to the severe winter weather inflicting the world via Climate Change, the US Dept. of Weather has released a directive asking all owners of Hybrid and ULEV vehicles to park them in the garage and go on eBay and purchase a pre-1980 mid-size or larger automobile.
Dr Marvin McNash continues, "We really need to see a 10% spike in atmospheric CO2 levels and a 5% increase in atmospheric particulate to encourage a "greenhouse" effect. I recommend a nice 1975 Cadillac with the 8.0 liter engine. With small modifications like removing the catalytic converter, the Cadillac will generate 13,492% more CO2 compared to a Smart car."
USDOW Climate scientist Beth Ghey said "Anyone can get in on the action, be creative! We recommend burning leafs, real wood fireplace use on a daily basis and even kids can burn their plastic toys with matches. With sufficient CO2 and particulate creation we feel we can stabilize Climate change in 3-5 years and prevent a modern day Ice Age."
At a recent news conference the US Deputy Minister of Law, Mufassa Dume announced, "We're currently investigating the persons and organizations behind the last decades dangerous drop in CO2 levels that led to the current Climate calamity. I expect arrests in the next few weeks of the perpetrators of the Global Warming hoax."
In addition, entrepreneurs are thinking of creative ways to improve the Climate and make a profit. Hal Smore of Lewistown, TN started a company called "Warmer World" that specializes in the sales of "Carbon Credits", Smore explains "Some individuals or corporations sustain certain levels of guilt for driving Hybrid cars, car pooling and other anti-Climate practices. So we have made Global partnerships to clear cut or burn forests and sell a portion of that CO2 production as a share and call it a "Carbon Credit", I think it's very clever and will help repair the environment."
