campaign thread for the Top DUmmies of 2013

[franksolich]

It's a shame that the nomination period is over. I would have proposed the cave members as an award for the group. What we did collectively to dainbramaged will live on forever.

That's very true, a sterling example of how the DUmpster provides a public service for the Good of Humanity.

[franksolich]

Anybody who is considering Redstone for the Willie should try the below link.  While stumbling through trying to learn about Redstone (he was just a little before my time, for the most part), I stumbled onto a bunch of threads frank bumped in memory of Redstone. 

After seeing his photograph in the other thread, I couldn't help but read all of his posts imagining he had a terrible John Wayne style accent, and in doing so, it clinched the deal for me:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php?action=search2;params=YWR2YW5jZWR8J3wxfCJ8dXNlcnNwZWN8J3xmcmFua3NvbGljaHwifGJyZHwnfDEwLDQwfCJ8c2hvd19jb21wbGV0ZXwnfHwifHN1YmplY3Rfb25seXwnfHwifHNvcnRfZGlyfCd8ZGVzY3wifHNvcnR8J3xyZWxldmFuY2V8InxzZWFyY2h8J3xcImluIG1lbW9yeSBvZiByZWRzdG9uZVwi;start=0

That's only two pages; I get nine pages of Redstone.

This is my favorite, from election night 2010, and not because I wrote it:

"hey, Redstone--"
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,50652.0.html

The Hollywood NeoCon
Visionary, Sage, Drunkard, Screenwriter
Hero Member
Posts: 1363

« Reply #23 on: November 04, 2010, 12:35:55 pm » Quote Modify Remove Split Topic 

I submit that the above is. perhaps, the most effective and blistering example of passive-aggressive annihilation yet seen by man.

I'm thrilled to be able to witness it first-hand.

Were I a college freshman again, full of piss, vinegar and talent, I would aspire to be taught by this man.

Nicely done, boss.

[BattleHymn]

That's only two pages; I get nine pages of Redstone.

This is my favorite, from election night 2010, and not because I wrote it:

"hey, Redstone--"
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,50652.0.html

Yeah, I started out in the nine-page search, but figured you had bumped most of the prominent ones. 

Thanks for this link.  I remember when you posted that.   

I miss reading THN.   

[GOBUCKS]

The only good thing Deadstone ever did was suicide.

[franksolich]

The only good thing Deadstone ever did was suicide.

Another sad, tragic case of a primitive not taking the advice and counsel of franksolich.

Seriously.  For years I warned him, on freerepublic, at our old home, and here.

It never seems to end well, for any primitive who ignores well-meant and commonsensical advice.

[franksolich]

For the benefit of lurking primitives, who don't know who Chief S itting Bull, the Greatest Primitive Ever, was, this was the advice and counsel constantly offered him:

Oh now, as you know, sir, I find Chief S itting Bull a rather fascinating object of study.

Perhaps you didn't know this, but the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive is dealing with an unfortunate degenerative neuro-muscular condition, which of course goes without saying that, yes, yes, yes, that's very bad, that's terrible.

But at the same time, for some reason, Chief S itting Bull thinks he can "deal with" the problem by building and solidifying his rage and anger and resentment and Hate against all that is good and decent; by hitting people and things, by reckless tearing-down and destruction.

And so franksolich remains inquisitively curious, how that's going to work out for the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive, in ameliorating his unfortunate situation.

The sequel to this was it appeared Chief S itting Bull was beaten up in a fight election night--because of his big mouth, his hate and rage--and was in the hospital for quite some time.  He had to have his jaw wired back together, among other things.

[Tucker]

The sequel to this was it appeared Chief S itting Bull was beaten up in a fight election night--because of his big mouth, his hate and rage--and was in the hospital for quite some time.  He had to have his jaw wired back together, among other things.

The official excuse:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=9550337

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=9564970

[franksolich]

The official excuse:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=9550337

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=9564970

This was before we learned what happened:

I've been all over Skins's island the past four days, and haven't seen the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive at all; one wonders what's up with that, given that Redstone has an opinion about everything, and never's been afraid to say it.  And there's been plenty on Skins's island on which Chief S itting Bull could opine.

One wonders if something happened; perhaps the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive was putting gasoline into his car at the neighborhood convenience store, the self-service pumps, and because the fuel was slow in flowing, he leaned over, lighted cigarette dangling from his lips, to look inside the aperture.

Alas! poor S itting Bull! alas!

As many know, the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive, who now lives in eastern Connecticut, was born and raised in New Hampshire, coming from a long line of earnest, hardworking, modest Gaels, the salt of the earth, who spent generations working in the textile mills there.

That was too meant to be Redstone's destiny, but he arrogantly balked at the notion.  No way was he going to be a manual laborer; he was too good to get dirt and callous on his hands.  Besides, he had "talent"--in music, in song-writing, in song-singing, in the jewelry business, in the know-it-all business, in the hospitality business, in the beating-people-up business.

Chief S itting Bull wasn't going to work in an old textile mill; he was going to be a star.

Well, well.....

The bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive is now, of course 60 years old (give or take one year either way), and as it turns out, never did anything worthwhile with his life.  Sure, during the late 1960s, he teamed up with the lying tits primitive, the now-mausoleumed "TomInTib" primitive, and they hitch-hiked around the Great American Southwest (including a stayover at the Charles Manson "ranch")....but that's a scant accomplishment.

Alas! poor S itting Bull! alas!

Now, if circa 1967 or 1968 or 1969, Redstone had gone to work at the textile factory, well, here it is, a little more than forty years later--and he would be about ready to retire with a five-figure pension and a six- or seven-figure retirement account.  The Life of Riley, he could be looking forward to.

But no.....

One of the funnier episodes captured here in the DUmpster was when TomInTib, reading about how wealthy Chief S itting Bull was, decided to go east and visit him, hoping to get a loan from him.  He didn't say this explicitly, though; he gave Redstone the impression it was just a friendly social call, and so the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive was looking forward to it, as they had a lot of good times to remember.

The lyling tits primitive got there, the two of them had a few beers, strummed a few guitars, told a few "do you remember....." stories, and then TomInTib asked his old friend for some money.

Tom had to hitch-hike back to California, and they never mentioned each other again, until the lying tits primitive informed the CalPig primitive that Redstone had departed this time and place.

[GOBUCKS]

Deadstone's lunacy and the volume of entertainment he provided were but a fraction of Pam Dawson's.

That's why Pam won a DOTY while Deadstone never really came close.

Pam's genetically distorted mug belongs on the DUmp's Mount Trashmore.

Pam/greenbriar/demtenjeep for the Willie.

[franksolich]

**********ANNOUNCEMENT**********

This being Wednesday morning, there's only three and a half more days to cast ballots.

If one hasn't done so, please do it soon, rather than waiting until the last minute; after all, something might happen in real life, and as one's put it off, the last minute will have come and gone, and one hadn't voted.

Remember, as the rules state, one can change one's votes up until polls close anyway.

Also, a personal plea--please vote for ten top DUmmies, not just five or six or seven. 

Surely it's any easy matter to think of ten primitives.

The reason for this is that the more votes that are cast, the less likely ties are to occur, and ties are a pain, as was demonstrated last year.  So please vote for ten, no less.  Thank you!

[franksolich]

Deadstone's lunacy and the volume of entertainment he provided were but a fraction of Pam Dawson's.

That's why Pam won a DOTY while Deadstone never really came close.

Pam's genetically distorted mug belongs on the DUmp's Mount Trashmore.

Pam/greenbriar/demtenjeep for the Willie.

Well now, nobody's going to disagree that Pamela's an excellent choice for the Willie.

I plan to vote for her.....sometime.

My problem is, because the Willie never got started until some years into the Top DUmmies, there occurred a backlog of most-memorable primitives, and only one's selected each year.

I've got Redstone in line for this year, poor stupid Beth next year, Pamela the year after, the sparkling old dude the year after, and so on.

We'll see how it goes, but that's the problem--too many primitives, but only one spot.

[franksolich]

Top DUmmies of 2013

5- NYC_SKP- After some serious thought, if he can get under jugs skin (after fighting the fat orbs), he's gotta be worth more than honorable mention.

I saw something rather discombobulating, last Saturday or Sunday, while reading Skippy on Skins's island.

It was ghastly; I spotted it, and in a half-second, had already turned the pages.  There are some things one doesn't want to see, and I'd like to retain at least a minimal respect for Skippy who after all isn't all bad, only circa 90-95% bad.

I flitted by too quickly--fortunately--to catch all the details, but it appeared to be a self-posted photograph of Skippy holding a dog on his lap.....and Skippy attired in a pink bathrobe with a fur collar and fur at the ends of the sleeves.  I'm sure that's what it was, and thought, horrified, "no.....not Skippy."

[franksolich]

This will be what I’m sending to Mr. Wiggum (minus the commentary).

Robyn McGrath award
BainsBane - I’m voting for BainsBane for two reasons, but not those two.

Actually, if I were to vote for   for the Rob, the primitive who inspires the most laughter, it would be for those two reasons.

It's true that some men get off on supersized jugs--I'm sure the university puts them to good use, in fund-raising, as there's probably a lot of rich guys, alum of the institution, who do get off on them--but not all men do.

<<<more likely to get a hard-on seeing a dead fish, than   's jugs.

[ChuckJ]

Actually, if I were to vote for   for the Rob, the primitive who inspires the most laughter, it would be for those two reasons.

It's true that some men get off on supersized jugs--I'm sure the university puts them to good use, in fund-raising, as there's probably a lot of rich guys, alum of the institution, who do get off on them--but not all men do.

<<<more likely to get a hard-on seeing a dead fish, than   's jugs.

Well, I have to admit that of my two reasons for voting for BB for the Robyn one is rational and the other is very naive.

The rational reason is that, other than nadin, no other nominee better fits the qualifications for the award.

The naive reason is one with which many here will probably disagree. I’ve only seen one photo of BB. In the photo, IF her attitude is completely disregarded and forgotten about, she is not, at least in my opinion, too bad of a looking woman. It’s only after her attitude is added to the equation that the “ugg” factor come into play.

I think that winning this award offers a chance for a turning point for her. She could see that she’s been prone to being hateful and egotistical with a false sense of superiority, turn from those attributes, and become a lovely woman. Or she can double-down on those attributes and become a mass of ugly that challenges for top DUmmie next year.

[franksolich]

In the photo, IF her attitude is completely disregarded and forgotten about, she is not, at least in my opinion, too bad of a looking woman. It’s only after her attitude is added to the equation that the “ugg” factor come into play.

That, sir, is what uglifies primitive women.

On the surface, some of them look okay, perfectly fine, even enticing--I give you the example of poor stupid Beth, circa 15-20 years ago--but when one gets to know of their hate, their anger, their silliness, in front of one's own eyes they metamorposize into ugly old hags.

Just looking at her, the seabeyond primitive doesn't look unaesthetic--but then as one gets to know her, she's suddenly as ugly as Medusa.

[franksolich]

He's one of the more-obscure candidates for the Top DUmmies, but I'd appreciate it if voters gave some attention to Wills, the William769 primitive.

When one hangs around Skins's island, Wills probably doesn't appeal because he's a one-issue primitive, always and unrelentingly dwelling upon gayiety to the exclusion of everything else.  Yawn.

The world's a very big place, and there's more issues, more concerns, than just gayiety.

It's as if franksolich were to post about deafness, and nothing else.  Just deafness.

<<<would be even more boring than is at present.

One has mixed feelings about Wills; on one hand, he has that afliction frequently gotten by gays, and is suffering much because of it.  It was his self-indulgent, self-gratifying conduct, not his "feelings," that got him into this mess, and perhaps now he understands.  One can't control one's feelings, but one can control one's conduct.

If I for example, were more concerned about my feelings than my behavior, I'd be hopping around in the sack with every femme coming my way.  But because I restrain myself, I enjoy not only the reputation of a gentleman, but also avoid emotional discombobulations and diseases that come with certain women; and those sorts of things can wreck one's life.

Maybe Wills understands that now; self-discipline is a good thing.

But then on the other hand, sympathy turns to utter disgust when, for example, one sees a photograph of Wills kissing a fish.

[Tucker]

The consummate queer is xchrome. It does mention a veriety of subjects though.

I don't think that it even got nominated.

[franksolich]

The consummate queer is xchrome. It does mention a veriety of subjects though.

That's the difference.

Whenever one sees Wills' name as the lighter of a campfire, one knows without even reading the title, "oh, it's another one of those stupid gay issues....."

[franksolich]

I have to plug Atman again for the Rob.

He didn't do much on Skins's island this year, and so no nomination or vote for my twin as one of the Top DUmmies, but damn, every time I see him on Skins's island, I have to stop, look, and laugh.

Atman's a child of privilege, having been born and raised in one of the Levittowns down in Florida; his mother has scads of money, and his late father made good money.  He's always been vague about his family--which is okay, and good sense, as they aren't primitives and need left alone--but apparently he has an older brother and two older sisters.

Being the youngest, his mother spoiled him.  She struck him as the "sensitive" one, the one too fragile and too refined to survive in the rough-and-tumble world, and overly protected him.  And somewhere along the line, Atman picked up this odd notion that "sensitives," "aesthetes," are supposed to be angry, pissed-off people, even though they themselves haven't suffered.

Atman's wife--but no primitive, remember--is apparently a medical health professional, a registered nurse or physical therapist or something like that.  He's spoken of two adult sons, and is a grandfather.  One gets the impression they all have to cater to the old man's whims, who acts like a temper-tantrumming little girl in pigtails when he doesn't get his way.

Atman lives in eastern Connecticut, where he's an "artist," usually of caricatures.  I know his work's been panned here, but in my own opinion, he's actually pretty good.  He lives in an exclusive neighborhood, near a lake.  He has a rather high opinion of himself, and has Perierre water piped into the plumbing, because ordinary water isn't good enough for what he drops into the commode.

Despite that he constantly whines about "the rich" as if he's not one of them, he is.

Why he's even on Skins's island mystifies me; it's like someone in the country club set hanging around with the trailer court trash (no negative commentary on people who live in trailers--no way).

[GOBUCKS]

I can understand the poetic justice in seeing Atman win his namesake award, the "Robyn McGrath Award".

But when I read the official qualifications for consideration:

the primitive who, simply put, one found funny during the past year, provoking the most merriment and mirth; a primitive who wishes to be seen as authoritative and credible, but just isn’t bright enough to cut it.

I can see no DUmmy, even McGrath himself, who surpasses the addled, mumbling, great-great-great-great-grandmother from suburban Portland, grasswipe Judy Smith.

Atman is as stupid as grasswipe; I see it as a tie on that point. But Atman tends to be a gray, stalinist, grim kind of stupid, while Judy's mental impairment makes her a little more comically stupid. For example, can you imagine McGrath wearing three overcoats while pulling a little red wagon heaped with junk? Or pledging free pie to schoolteachers?

It is a close, close race, but I have to give it to grasswipe at the wire by a pie crust.

[franksolich]

But Atman tends to be a gray, Stalinist, grim kind of stupid, while Judy's mental impairment makes her a little more comically stupid. For example, can you imagine McGrath wearing three overcoats while pulling a little red wagon heaped with junk? Or pledging free pie to schoolteachers?

I will admit you do have a point there, and a very good one.

[franksolich]

Frank, everyone knows you are the Nadin.

All you have to do is admit it and you've made the first step towards recovery.

Well, while the brain-damaged primitive, walrus-face, made a good run for Top DUmmie, I'm still sticking with cousin nadin as my first choice.

If walrus-face had heeded my advice and counsel, even GOBUCKS would judge him worthy of Top DUmmiedom.

But he didn't; walrus-face thinks that franksolich doesn't know anything, that franksolich doesn't have his best interests at heart.

The brain-damaged primitive is a solid second choice, but cousin nadin beats him out solely on her plodding tenacity all year long.  Seriously, I don't know how she does it, stubbornly clinging to her "I-am-God-don't-question-me" attitude in face of all that's been flung to her.

She'll break sooner or later, coming to admit to herself that she's full of shit, but when?

2022?  2036?  2047?  2061?

[Aristotelian]

I have a question about one of the nominees. Does Skittles ever actually post anything of any substance? From what I've noticed of her, it's always a rather naff comment about kicking people's arses...it's gone beyond a meme to become a rather sad, unfunny bit of dribble coming out of the corner of an invalid's mouth.

[Tucker]

I have a question about one of the nominees. Does Skittles ever actually post anything of any substance? From what I've noticed of her, it's always a rather naff comment about kicking people's arses...it's gone beyond a meme to become a rather sad, unfunny bit of dribble coming out of the corner of an invalid's mouth.

From my nomination:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,92730.0/msg,1164179.html

I've got to add this idiot. It is as rotten as a snake and deserves the same fate. I've wanted to bitch slap him several time this past year. I don't know how I overlooked him.

If you haven't noticed his post, start paying attention. He's worthy of a top 10. He's as vile of a DUmmy that ever existed.

 Skittles

[GOBUCKS]

Well, while the brain-damaged primitive, walrus-face, made a good run for Top DUmmie, I'm still sticking with cousin nadin as my first choice.

If walrus-face had heeded my advice and counsel, even GOBUCKS would judge him worthy of Top DUmmiedom.

If Doug had taken franksolich's advice I doubt he'd be under consideration for Top DUmmy.

Had he made a clean breast of things, admitted his mistake publicly, asked his employer for forgiveness, and made an honest effort to redeem himself, just think what a difference that would have made.

By now, four months later, Doug would be happy, smiling, and prosperous.

He'd be clean shaven, with a respectable businessman's haircut.

He'd have lost seventy or eighty pounds and begun dressing spiffily, in a nice wool blend sport jacket, button-down Arrow shirt, sharply creased trousers and brilliantly polished Florsheim Imperials.

He'd be rolling in the hay with attractive middle-aged divorcees and widows every night of the week.

He may even have regained vision in his fogged-out eyeball.

He would laugh and flash an engaging, winning smile at the mention of the DUmp, a place he no longer visits.

He would be donating money to his local Republican party, and would be a member of the National Rifle Association.

Had Doug taken franksolich's advice he wouldn't be a Top DUmmy - he wouldn't be a DUmmy at all.