campaign thread for the Top DUmmies of 2013

[tanstaafl]

My votes for DOTY top 10/20 and the "specials"

Top DUmmies:
1 - Dainbramaged. His was a magnificent run. Quite possibly the very best, most egarious, self inflicted wallduding in Dummy history. That it all happened over the Labor Day weekend made that holiday one to remember.

2 - Lady Freedom Returns. She and Dave should have stayed on the road with their hike to Washington. Even better for her would have been to stay with her family, who could be looking out for her well-being and supporting her psyche after the CHAD induced breakup with Dave. Death by wolf would have been much swifter than the death from a thousand cuts she is suffers now.

3 - Bainsbane. Can't we get two votes?

4 - LocutOs. Loser, but a winner in the DOTY competition.

5 - Pretzel_Warrior. A valiant effort in the end.

And the "not the pick of the litters"

Cali
cbayer
crazy Dennis
Nadinbrzezinski
NYC_SKP

The Willie:
Cali

The Steve:
Dainbramaged

The Rob:
Lady Freedom Returns

The Nadin:
Bainsbane

The Group:
The bullies

edited to add missing quotation mark

[franksolich]

You know, sir, I'll bet that probably the brain-damaged primitive winning the Steve is going to be a landslide unparalleled in the history of the Top DUmmies.  The vote probably won't be unanimous, but it'll be close to unanimous.

[tanstaafl]

You know, sir, I'll bet that probably the brain-damaged primitive winning the Steve is going to be a landslide unparalleled in the history of the Top DUmmies.  The vote probably won't be unanimous, but it'll be close to unanimous.

Coach, we decent and civilized folk should strive to buckup the poor stupid DUmmie at every opportunity.

[Skul]

I'm not going to mention my votes as yet.
However, the walrus is definitely a shoe-in, for "The Steve".

[franksolich]

I'm not going to mention my votes as yet.
However, the walrus is definitely a shoe-in, for "The Steve".

As you know, the awards will be given out beginning the afternoon of Christmas Eve, all the way through to early afternoon of New Year's Eve.  There'll be a minimum of fifteen awards over seven days, but there might be more if there's ties (which I hope there aren't, but it happens, and I can live with it).

The schedule is generally: the bottom half of the top twenty DUmmies, and then in ascending order each of the top ten DUmmies.  The special awards are interspersed between all that.

This year, I might open up with the Steve.  I dunno.  It's already a foregone conclusion, pretty much, and best to get the non-suspense-filled awards out of the way first.

[franksolich]

By the way, thank you for that vote for Skippy; I want so badly to have to write an award for him, meaning he has to finish in the top ten.  I don't care where, but somewhere in the top ten, even tenth.

I saw another self-posted photograph of Skippy the other day; he was wearing a shirt outside his pants, and since the shirt was cut straight all around (i.e., no shirt-tail, front or back), it reminded me very much of late 1970s polyester, the leisure-suit, 8-track tapes, Tony Orlando & Dawn, spiffy, those sorts of things.

A shirt is normally meant to be tucked inside the pants, but sometimes one likes to be casual, sloppy, careless, and so it's okay to occasionally wear the shirt outside the pants.....provided the shirt has tails on it, front and back.

Shirts with a straight hem all the way around.....no way.  Best to tuck that thing in.

I'm no sartorial aesthete, but it freaks me that a middle-aged man would dress that way.  One almost expected to find a lei around his neck.

[Tucker]

In the summer I do wear a shirt with a scalloped hem, unbuttoned over a T-shirt. It's usually a cover garment, hiding the firearm I have on my right hip.

Don't want to scare the kiddies and moonbats. <--------------Some may debate that they're the same thing.

[franksolich]

In the summer I do wear a shirt with a scalloped hem, unbuttoned over a T-shirt. It's usually a cover garment, hiding the firearm I have on my right hip.

Well, that's acceptable, because it's unbuttoned, and your masculine t-shirt is showing.

It's definitely no late-1970s Carter-era Hawaiian look.

[tanstaafl]

By the way, thank you for that vote for Skippy; I want so badly to have to write an award for him, meaning he has to finish in the top ten.  I don't care where, but somewhere in the top ten, even tenth.

I saw another self-posted photograph of Skippy the other day; he was wearing a shirt outside his pants, and since the shirt was cut straight all around (i.e., no shirt-tail, front or back), it reminded me very much of late 1970s polyester, the leisure-suit, 8-track tapes, Tony Orlando & Dawn, spiffy, those sorts of things.

A shirt is normally meant to be tucked inside the pants, but sometimes one likes to be casual, sloppy, careless, and so it's okay to occasionally wear the shirt outside the pants.....provided the shirt has tails on it, front and back.

Shirts with a straight hem all the way around.....no way.  Best to tuck that thing in.

I'm no sartorial aesthete, but it freaks me that a middle-aged man would dress that way.  One almost expected to find a lei around his neck.

It was not a problem, coach. I originally didn't have the Skip-meister punched in at all. Then I read your post about wanting to write an award for the idiot. That put him in, but alas, some other deserving DUochebag, I don't remember which (or what), So I can hopefully read such an award.

I seen what you did with the SPIFFY thing, there.

[franksolich]

It's Friday afternoon; we're down to about 30 hours before polls close.

Please vote.

You may submit them to Mr. Wiggum (Ralph Wiggum) via private message, or at ralphwiggumcave@outlook.com

[BattleHymn]

I put in a vote for Skippy, too.  I didn't understand what frank found so interesting about him, until I started reading his posts through the same lense I read the Calpig's posts through.  Condescending, shallow, uppity, and in reality no help at all for the afflicted primitive he is consoling.

[franksolich]

I put in a vote for Skippy, too.  I didn't understand what frank found so interesting about him, until I started reading his posts through the same lense I read the Calpig's posts through.  Condescending, shallow, uppity, and in reality no help at all for the afflicted primitive he is consoling.

In a nutshell, you said it much better than I could articulate.

But there's a second, more personal, reason, too.

<<<wants Skippy to learn how to win friends and influence people, which he certainly didn't when he found a minor inconsequential insignificant trivial outdated mistake I made, and gloated about it.

If he'd reacted the same way my good pal Manny, the Manny Goldstein primitive, who knows how to win friends and influence people, would've reacted had he found the error instead, Skippy would've never showed up on the radar for Top DUmmies.

[delilahmused]

One of the deals about never having seen many movies is that one tends to remember those movies one's seen, all of them.

I'm reminded of an old black-and-white "art" movie by Bertolt Brecht or Thomas Mann--I forget which one--where there's a deranged old woman walking among the dead on a battlefield during the Thirty Years' War, "Christians, awake!  The winter's gone!  The snows depart, the dead sleep on...."

But instead of that, I'm seeing multi-overcoated Judy pulling her little red wagon, droning "Free pies for the rich!  The poor gotta pay!" in reference of course to that she was going to give away free pie to well-paid governmental bureaucrats, but charge the poorer people.

Every time I see that picture of her holding that pie, it cracks me up! I've never been into a bakery, or even Shari's or Denny's, where the top looks like someone's 5 year old helped decorate it. And she looks proud of herself!

Cindie

[franksolich]

Every time I see that picture of her holding that pie, it cracks me up! I've never been into a bakery, or even Shari's or Denny's, where the top looks like someone's 5 year old helped decorate it. And she looks proud of herself!

You know, I'm obviously a minority here, but that pie, to me, didn't look too bad.  I would've eaten it up in a hurry.

Despite her ever-increasing senescence, I think the pie-and-jam primitive is probably, in real life, a better-than-average cook.  Not as good as the sparkling old dude or our mothers, but probably she's pretty good.

It's just all these other things about her that grate on one's nerves.....

[Chris_]

I don't think the pie looks all that terrible.

The person holding it, on the other hand, has all kinds of issues.

[franksolich]

I don't think the pie looks all that terrible.

The person holding it, on the other hand, has all kinds of issues.

It might've been hastily put together for the "photo-op."

Yeah, I have problems with an old lady who calls relatives of hers "aunties;" it's really disrespectful.

[GOBUCKS]

I think it was suggested earlier that addled Judy's famous strawberry pie was decorated by one of her great-great-great-granddaughters, who was learning Judy's tricks to pass on to her own young daughter.

Regardless its origin, it's an awful-looking pie. Why arrange strawberries to look like a chicken's head?

Not that it wouldn't taste good, but that's a long shot, since poor addled Judy is always talking about gluten-free, sugar-free, GMO-flour-free, pesticide-free, dairy-free, salt-free, shortening-free, HFCS-free baking.

[BattleHymn]

To anybody who looks at that pie and thinks "Eh, it's not that bad", follow up by asking yourself if you would actually pay money for it. 

And another thing: where is the rest of the crust? 

[franksolich]

To anybody who looks at that pie and thinks "Eh, it's not that bad", follow up by asking yourself if you would actually pay money for it.

I'd pose as one of the rich, and get it for free.

Remember the grasswire primitive's chant, "Free pie for the rich, the poor gotta pay.....free pie for the rich, the poor gotta pay.....free pie for the rich, the poor gotta pay....."

Remember, she was going to give free pie to overpaid governmental bureaucrats and teachers, and charge the poor.

[tanstaafl]

The crust of that pie is waaaay up over the left side of the dish. Can't even be seen on the right side.
That right there is a sign, with bright red neon arrows pointing at it, that poor old addled Judy is not particularly caring in her presentation style.

Pie shop my arse. Even government workers, much less the paying poor and private sector working stiffs will pass that pie for rhubarb and custard pie with a straight crust.

[Tucker]

It's Friday afternoon; we're down to about 30 hours before polls close.

Please vote.

Since I have a mole at the DUmp that's posing as a democrat, can I vote more than once?

[franksolich]

Since I have a mole at the DUmp that's posing as a democrat, can I vote more than once?

Well, if that mole's also a member of conservativecave, I don't see why not.

But that'd be a really hard thing to do.

And Mr. Wiggum of course has the right to reject any ballots he believes aren't bona fide, and so I guess that's more of a question to him, than to me.

[FlippyDoo]

As a fictional spirit-guide I refrain from voting; however, I feel that I can campaign.


Imagine the lone good player, probably a 4’ wide defensive lineman with a low center of gravity, on an otherwise dismal football team. Although the other players may sometimes not always put their hearts into the game, the 4’ wide defensive lineman is constantly waddling around the field doing his job. He tries to help his dismal team by telling his teammates all of their faults so they might improve. They may not want to hear it, but he doesn’t let their lack of interest deter him.  He struggles to carry his dismal team. He struggles to make his dismal team better. The team’s failure never stops him. He is dedicate to his job.

Ladies and gentlemen of Conservative Cave, nadin is that lone good player on Team DU, and I urge you to cast the one vote that should be perfectly clear: nadin for the top spot in this year’s DOTY.

[franksolich]

Ladies and gentlemen of Conservative Cave, nadin is that lone good player on Team DU, and I urge you to cast the one vote that should be perfectly clear: nadin for the top spot in this year’s DOTY.

It appears the brain-damaged primitive has been giving her a good run for the number one spot, but I am defiantly confident the cousin will, and shall, prevail in the end.

[Mr Mannn]

OK, here are my votes. I know its a secret ballot, but Jimmie crack corn and...

1) DainBramaged: Hands down he is number one this year. And he did it all to himself. The sheer arrogance required to brag about your misdeeds on an open forum...That is simply insane. and this was the year of the insane DUmmie.

2) Cali...hers was the first post after DainBramaged waldude OP. and she supported him all the way! That alone got her the number two slot. I really have to question the sanity of anyone who has no problem with such behavior.

3) Lady Freedom Returns The year of the insane DUmmie continues. Her saga and imaginary indian lover, solidified her spot.

4) Nadinbrzezinski Our favorite narcissist, blind to her own shortcomings, was eclipsed this year. Hard to believe she could be be pushed to #4, but the level of insanity was dramatic this year.

5) Taverner So insane that he got himself kicked off the asylum. That is pretty bad.

TheMastersNemesis...honorable mention for continuous epic rants.
Zappaman...Honorable mention for a sense of humor and sticking it to nadin.
Locut0s...Honorable mention for being a *****.
Skinner...Honorable mention for telling nadin that SHE was the problem, not the "bullies."
WilliamPitt...Honorable mention for being forced to leave Boston and moving back in Mom's basement. Too bad he has to drag his ugly bride and offspring with him.

the William Rivers Pitt award: Andy Stephenson...Still dead, but worthy of the award.
the Steven Dawes award: DainBramaged Doug, your name was written all over this.
the Robyn McGrath award: Lady Freedom Returns. Normally I like to laugh with people, but in ypour case, I'll laugh AT you.
the Nadin Abbott award: nadinbrzezinski...Skinner told her the truth and she is too blind to see it.
the group award:  the moles. Because we are better than you DUmmies.