Author Topic: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story  (Read 7252 times)

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Offline EagleKeeper

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Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« on: December 04, 2013, 08:24:54 PM »
Over a decade ago I worked for a pet shop chain.

My job was to look after the reptiles, amphibians and fish. At the time I was really enthused with the salt water fish and that's where I spent most of my time.

I rebuilt the filters (they handled all the water) so that it would be easier to change the stupid cotton filters that were at the top. I also installed a ginormous protein foam fractioner on the salt water side.

Anyway, I also had to look out for the reptiles and one of those beasts was a albino Burmese python.

Big girl...11 foot.

As reptiles go she was really mellow, we had a black and white tegu that scared the poops out of me, I mean you can look into the eyes of some reptiles and understand that all they want to do is eat you.

Ok, back to the python. The rote was to take her out of her enclosure and back to the back room. I'm sure that everyone understands that snakes eat warm blooded creatures right?

So my deal was to feed it fresh rodents right cause I wanted her to be healthy, It was a draw people came in just to see this huge snake.

So what I did to feed this snake was to grab a rat by the tail and whip it around and render it unconscious (meaning dead) by whacking it on the edge of the table.

So now the snake is fed and I have to put it back into its enclosure. You sort of have to pass it in hand over hand, I made the mistake of presenting the hand that I used to handle the rats and she smelled it.

These big snakes, they look kinda sluggish but they are not.

She smelled the rat smell on my hand and I suppose the full tummy feeling had not registered yet but anyway she hit me between thumb and forefinger, as I looked at it her head spanned 3/4 the width of my hand.

She wraped me up all the way to my neck but that was it, I walked around the store trying to find someone to help me unwrap this snake.

Heck it was only 5 minutes before opening.

You know the damn thing about constrictors, they leave their teeth in you and their saliva makes you bleed.

I'm sure the same thing goes with monitors.


Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

If you wait by the river long enough the bodies of your enemies will float by.
-Sun Tzu

Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2013, 08:49:51 PM »
I never cared for snakes. 

Offline EagleKeeper

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2013, 09:05:03 PM »
I never cared for snakes. 

I love snakes.

I took in a royal python

The original owner didn't understand what happens when they shed their skin.

Anyway the snake took a crap and it became trapped between the partially shed skin and it's real skin

So that became an abscess and that's when the snake came to me.

I treated it with neosporin and fresh bandages. After about 4 weeks or so it was a brand new snake.

A beautiful royal python.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

If you wait by the river long enough the bodies of your enemies will float by.
-Sun Tzu

Offline dutch508

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2013, 09:18:43 PM »
I never cared for snakes. 

Obviously racist homophobe...

[/du]
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Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2013, 10:16:18 PM »
Well, I should clarify further.  I don't hate snakes, but I respect them, and keep my distance from them.  I have no desire to handle them for pleasure, and I would never own one as a pet, ever.

My favorite place to observe snakes is in zoos- typically I gravitate towards several types of pythons with their beautiful markings, or the snakes that exhibit iridescent scales.  There was a zoo in Pensacola that I used to love visiting before a hurricane messed it up (I don't even know if it is open anymore), because they had a wonderful snake exhibit. 

My hands-on experience with snakes has recently consisted of the release of various non-poisonous snakes further outside of town after I stumbled onto them either hanging out in my garage or around my ducks.  When I was younger and performed a lot of cleanup and fence mending duties, it seemed like I was bit at least once a year by a snake.  After a bite, I would gingerly scoop them up and move them to an area where I was not working, where they would simply scurry off to find a new hiding spot.  While the bites used to freak my mother out, I never had any problems result from them. 

On the other hand, I hate water moccasins with every bone and fiber in my body.  They are almost always extremely aggressive on land AND in water, and I will kill them on site.  I hate those bastards.     

Offline obumazombie

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2013, 12:29:53 PM »
There has to be a moral to the story in there that reveals the true nature of liberalism. Like maybe libs sinking their teeth into the publics outstretched hand that is offering a handout ?
There were only two options for gender. At last count there are at least 12, according to libs. By that standard, I'm a male lesbian.

Offline Karin

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2013, 12:41:04 PM »
...and then squeeeezing them until there is no more.

Offline EagleKeeper

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2013, 12:59:06 PM »
There has to be a moral to the story in there that reveals the true nature of liberalism. Like maybe libs sinking their teeth into the publics outstretched hand that is offering a handout ?

I guess I forgot to add

[/vesta111]
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

If you wait by the river long enough the bodies of your enemies will float by.
-Sun Tzu

Offline Dori

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2013, 01:14:13 PM »
I'm okay with reptiles, except snakes.  Have two yard turtles and once had an Iguana. 
“How fortunate for governments that the people     they administer don't think”  Adolph Hitler

Offline obumazombie

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #9 on: December 06, 2013, 02:41:16 PM »
I guess I forgot to add

[/vesta111]
Yes, that would obviate the requirement for a moral to the story.
There were only two options for gender. At last count there are at least 12, according to libs. By that standard, I'm a male lesbian.

Offline IassaFTots

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #10 on: December 06, 2013, 03:17:07 PM »
I friggin hate snakes.  EK, I used to be a Fish Dept Manager a LOOOOOOOOOONG time ago.  I am not coming back to this thread again though, because I really hate snakes.  Hate em.  If that makes me a racist homophobe, fine.  I hate em!
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

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Offline obumazombie

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #11 on: December 06, 2013, 03:23:03 PM »
I friggin hate snakes.  EK, I used to be a Fish Dept Manager a LOOOOOOOOOONG time ago.  I am not coming back to this thread again though, because I really hate snakes.  Hate em.  If that makes me a racist homophobe, fine.  I hate em!
What, a snake got loose in the fish dept., and ate up all the fish ? Sounds fishy.


edit,
There were only two options for gender. At last count there are at least 12, according to libs. By that standard, I'm a male lesbian.

Offline EagleKeeper

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #12 on: December 06, 2013, 03:32:28 PM »
I friggin hate snakes.  EK, I used to be a Fish Dept Manager a LOOOOOOOOOONG time ago.  I am not coming back to this thread again though, because I really hate snakes.  Hate em.  If that makes me a racist homophobe, fine.  I hate em!

Dang, If I were working for you I coulda made you famous.

I once saved a green moray from starvation only to allow a shift change. The idiot that took over for me let the moray get out of its tank and it died on a salt covered floor.

It took me about a week but I found frozen squid at a Chinese shop. The moray pounded the squid, I thought I was home free.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

If you wait by the river long enough the bodies of your enemies will float by.
-Sun Tzu

Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #13 on: December 06, 2013, 04:45:57 PM »
What, a snake got loose in the fish dept., and ate up all the fish ? Sounds fishy.


edit,

It's no good.  She says she won't be back.  I guess we can all talk about her now.   :-)

Offline Tucker

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #14 on: December 06, 2013, 08:52:30 PM »
You haven't experience life until a baby Boa slithers around your arms and back on bare skin.
Come to think of it, unions do create jobs. Companies have to hire two workers to do the work of one.

Offline Dori

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Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #15 on: December 06, 2013, 09:02:19 PM »
What, a snake got loose in the fish dept., and ate up all the fish ? Sounds fishy.edit,

I know a cute fish story, but no snakes were involved.

A couple of guys I worked with had a koi pond with expensive fish and woke up one morning to find some very happy tall long legged birds standing in the middle of the pond and.....you guessed it... no fish.  





 

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Offline IassaFTots

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #16 on: December 06, 2013, 09:04:32 PM »
It's no good.  She says she won't be back.  I guess we can all talk about her now.   :-)

That ain't right.  I forgot what this thread was about and clicked on it again! :panic:  I will skip over snake posts.  I have a unhealthy fear of snakes.  However, I have saved a snowflake eel from the same fate, EK.  Eels don't bother me and they taste good too.  I really don't like snakes. I don't like them so much that my Mom LIED to me when I was a child and told me that I had a mongoose in my closet to protect me.  
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

The infinite is possible at zombocom.  www.zombo.com

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~ Martin Luther King
 
“Political Correctness is about turning a blind eye to painful reality because your comfortable feelings are more important to you than saving lives and providing quality of life to people who work their ass off to be productive and are a benefit to this great American Dream"  ~Ted Nugent

Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #17 on: December 06, 2013, 09:12:46 PM »
my Mom LIED to me when I was a child and told me that I had a mongoose in my closet to protect me.  

 :rotf:

Did it work? 

Offline IassaFTots

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #18 on: December 06, 2013, 09:27:46 PM »
:rotf:

Did it work? 


Yes.  And she said it would only come out if my closet door was shut, which made no sense, but I was young and impressionable and to this day I can't sleep with my closet door open.  It didn't help much when I found a SNAKE IN MY BATHROOM this past summer.  I am almost back to normal now.  It amused the bejaysus out of Biersmythe.  I was not so amused.   :mad:
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

The infinite is possible at zombocom.  www.zombo.com

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~ Martin Luther King
 
“Political Correctness is about turning a blind eye to painful reality because your comfortable feelings are more important to you than saving lives and providing quality of life to people who work their ass off to be productive and are a benefit to this great American Dream"  ~Ted Nugent

Offline Freeper

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #19 on: December 06, 2013, 09:32:05 PM »
I'm scared of snakes because of this one time in band camp I was running from some thugs on the roof of a rail car. I fell through the roof into a car full of snakes, then many years later I was lowered into a pit looking for the lost Ark. I suddenly found myself face to face with a cobra.
I may not lock my doors while sitting at a red light and a black man is near, but I sure as hell grab on tight to my wallet when any democrats are close by.

Offline biersmythe

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #20 on: December 06, 2013, 09:38:30 PM »
I'm scared of snakes because of this one time in band camp I was running from some thugs on the roof of a rail car. I fell through the roof into a car full of snakes, then many years later I was lowered into a pit looking for the lost Ark. I suddenly found myself face to face with a cobra.

HAHA!!! OK Indiana.  :rotf:
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The other half is violence!

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Offline Freeper

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #21 on: December 06, 2013, 09:41:43 PM »
HAHA!!! OK Indiana.  :rotf:

I'm trying out to be the CC version of Gnads. Well the story telling part anyway, Vesta is her grammar and spelling counterpart.
I may not lock my doors while sitting at a red light and a black man is near, but I sure as hell grab on tight to my wallet when any democrats are close by.

Offline biersmythe

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #22 on: December 06, 2013, 09:42:49 PM »
I'm trying out to be the CC version of Gnads. Well the story telling part anyway, Vesta is her grammar and spelling counterpart.

Off to a Great start.... :-)
Teach a man to build a fire, and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life!!!!

Knowledge is half the battle.
The other half is violence!

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." Thomas Jefferson

The box said: "Requires Windows XP or better." So i installed Linux.

Offline Freeper

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #23 on: December 06, 2013, 09:44:12 PM »
Off to a Great start.... :-)

Then there was this time when I helped Luke Skywalker blow up the Death Star, but I'll save that story for another day.
I may not lock my doors while sitting at a red light and a black man is near, but I sure as hell grab on tight to my wallet when any democrats are close by.

Offline biersmythe

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Re: Here is my stupid, rhetorical, useless story
« Reply #24 on: December 06, 2013, 10:01:45 PM »
Then there was this time when I helped Luke Skywalker blow up the Death Star, but I'll save that story for another day.

HI5.... :rotf:
Teach a man to build a fire, and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life!!!!

Knowledge is half the battle.
The other half is violence!

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." Thomas Jefferson

The box said: "Requires Windows XP or better." So i installed Linux.