Proglodytes surprised to learn: ppl who are given everything appreciate nothing

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

cynatnite (27,936 posts)

Is it appropriate to make your grown children fend for themselves during the holidays?
 
I am writing this at a very emotional moment so pardon my bluntness. My husband of 25 years and I have done our level best to put forward enjoyable holidays, birthdays, vacations and whatnot for our children over the years. There are a lot of great memories that are cherished.

Now that our children are grown with homes of their owns I am questioning whether we have gone too far. We've loaned out money when we've had it, gone out of our way to insure that they have what they need and what they didn't need on birthdays, holidays, and so on.

Every holiday and birthday, we have done the cooking, cleaning, gifting and so on. We never see a birthday gift, Christmas gift or even an offer to bring a dish for the large meals we prepare. We spend 2-3 days preparing these large meals because we want it beautiful and memorable. We want to make the most out of these days.

My husband is a truck driver and he's away from home a lot which is another reason why these things mean so much to us.

I feel that my children are thoughtless. I don't know if I'd say they're ungrateful. If you asked, they'd tell you that they appreciate all that we've done. I'm sure they'd mean it, but it in the end I feel like we get nothing in return.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and everyone made their own plans. Husband will be on the road and won't be home until late. They want their Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday which we agreed. I offered a nice brunch tomorrow morning which everyone was happy to agree to.

After getting the last bit of shopping done for the holiday, I came home to a lot of work ahead that still needs done. One kid wants to borrow the Nikon to take pictures for gifts for her in-laws. The other kid (who is separated from her husband) wants to bring her boyfriend and his kids to both the brunch and the Sunday dinner. The youngest kid (a teenager) wants to do nothing but play video games for which I am ready to throw in the trash at this point.

Meanwhile, I sit in the bedroom feeling pretty damn sorry for myself because it seems like everything we do goes unappreciated. That's not to mention the fact that this is another in a long row of holidays that my husband and I will spend apart.

So, I'm ready to chuck it all...tell everyone that to hell with these meals and plans...and sit in my bedroom with some Star Wars, Star Trek and a bottle of wine until either I run out or I watch all my sci-fi.

Oh, and I'm ignoring the texts on my phone, too.

So, what do you tell your grown children?

It's never too late for that 75th trimester abortion.

jberryhill (32,186 posts)

2. Family buffet
 
Either:

(A) Everyone brings a dish, or

(B) Sorry, I'm volunteering at a local charity to serve meals to grateful people this year.

This coming from the people who tell you it's cruel to demand EBT cards not be used at strip clubs.

monmouth3 (2,253 posts)

4. The time has definitely come for your kids (the eldest usually, I don't know why but that's what
 
happened to me and I didn't care). You've done your bit and I don't doubt your children appreciate you. It's just they won't appreciate you until you're gone. Give them an early taste, tell them you are tired and want to move the get-togethers elsewhere.

A good Proglodyte would demand the rich be taxed to provide dishes for the ungrateful offspring to bring to dinner.

Wait Wut (7,485 posts)

6. Say something to them.
 
Explain to them that with all the weird schedules, extra people and requests, you and your husband are overwhelmed and would really appreciate some help. Throw in, "We're not getting any younger" and see what happens.

You may be surprised. If it turns out to be an unpleasant surprise, tell them you're not doing holidays at your house, anymore, because it's just gotten to be too much work for the two of you.

And, no matter what, have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Yet you tell them anyone who wants them to pay for their own birth control is a fascist.


http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024101232

[jukin]

Cognitive dissidence. The DUmp is all full.

[Karin]

This happens over and over again, since the beginning of time.  

I've got neighbors like this.  The mom did absolutely everything for her two boys, including cleaning their rooms, mowing the lawn, and taking out the trash.  Not requiring them to lift a finger.  They've both grown up into two of the biggest, worthless DUmmies I've ever known in person.  They still live there, and still mom was out breaking her back with a snow shovel this morning.  My husband asked her, "Where the hell is Joey?"  "Oh, he has the flu and asthma, he doesn't feel well."  We saw his girlfriend leave this morning, so he felt well enough for that.  I'm shocked he has a girlfriend.  She's probably just as bad.  

[98ZJUSMC]

It's never too late for that 75th trimester abortion.

   

[Linda]

cynatnite
I know his pic below is about the food stamp program, but if you use what little bit of brain you have you might just be able to see what happened to your children and the rest of the DUmmie kids that follow in the same pattern of lazy self absorbed, self centered and entitled mentality.

[dane]

This is an easy fix for DUsilentnite:  Do not plan/volunteer/prepare any more parties/gatherings.  It appears you expect compensation in some form or other (a heartfelt thank you, a similar party planned by someone else, or something), and it hasn't been forthcoming.

After a few of these, one could get the idea that it ain't gonna happen.

Continue to plan and plan on being disappointed, or stop planning.  Someone will take up the slack, or they won't.

[Carl]

The OP has no remorse that her kids are worthless...she is pissed that they are not taking care of her like she figures she is owed.

[NHSparky]

When I was geographically closer to my extended family, we'd take turns doing Christmas get-togethers.  Each year, I or one of the aunts/uncles/eldest cousin would take turns.  Nobody bitched or moaned, a good time was had by all.

Would that DUmmies learn that when you do everything for someone, the recipient 1--grows dependent, 2--develops an expectation of entitlement, 3--would usually suck at it until they either dropped dead or learned to fend for themselves.

Too bad we don't have a nice old-fashioned disaster to cull the herd once in a while.

[marv]

The OP has no remorse that her kids are worthless...she is pissed that they are not taking care of her like she figures she is owed.

Correct!

The liberal mindset is that you do for others with the expectation of something direct in return from the recipient. Like liberal politicians expecting votes. Maybe it comes from the concept of the "exchange" of gifts. The liberal way is instant/direct gratification. It's "you owe me".

[GOBUCKS]

This DUmpmother should look on the bright side.

At their ages she can put the children on her democrat health insurance and pay their premiums.

[Karin]

And another one:

Fri Nov 29, 2013, 02:07 PM

Star Member w8liftinglady (23,089 posts)

Reality has hit home. Advice needed.My middle son,wife and kids will be homeless unless...
   
My son,his very pregnant wife and their two year old daughter will be moving into my two bedroom townhouses with me and my youngest son. I can't let them be homeless,and she is due to deliver SOON.

I know some of you have done this. We have "kind of " worked out logistics on paper, but any advice you can give me will be appreciated!

Response to MineralMan (Reply #1)

Fri Nov 29, 2013, 02:16 PM

Star Member w8liftinglady (23,089 posts)

3. Thank you. I'm spinning it that they're doing ME a favor
 
In the hope that it will keep them motivated.
I am making out a "to do" list on how they can help me around the place (So that I can donate more time to Wendy Davis' campaign).

 

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024109245

Sounds like a serious disaster in the making. 

[GOBUCKS]

Fri Nov 29, 2013, 02:07 PM

Star Member w8liftinglady (23,089 posts)

Reality has hit home. Advice needed.My middle son,wife and kids will be homeless unless...
   
My son,his very pregnant wife and their two year old daughter will be moving into my two bedroom townhouses with me and my youngest son. I can't let them be homeless,and she is due to deliver SOON.

I know some of you have done this. We have "kind of " worked out logistics on paper, but any advice you can give me will be appreciated!

That is so great!! Another democrat family on the verge of joining Amber under the bridge!

I really wish Bush could be the cause, but it's their muslim messiah.

Now the steroid nut should let us know if her deadbeat son has signed his family up on the democrat insurance plan, and who's going to pay the premiums. After all, he won't get that $6000 deductible for nothing.

This would make a great letter to the editor of her little backwoods Texas local weekly.

[vesta111]

And another one:
 

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024109245

Sounds like a serious disaster in the making. 

Very true Karin, there are a lot of us foolish parents that believe we owe our children something once they reach adulthood.  

I would say the kids reach adulthood when they leave home at any age or start making baby's they cannot support.

When my kids left home and wanted to return to live as they did at 8 years old, would not lift a finger to help the family, not even to cut the grass or take out the garbage, and they dragged along their SO's darn this was the time I should have made a run to Alaska  and lived in an Igloo.  

Humans are the only mammal that keeps the youngsters around long after they reach puberty, so long in fact the kids may never leave the family home as long as they are treated as children of 7-8.

Sorry to say I BTDT and was the worse most worse mistake I ever made for myself and the kids.  No the kids expected me to as their parent to keep helping them out after they were way past the age of adult hood.    

It is odd, growing up in this area where the Deer and Moose run off their children when they reach maturity, but us humans keep the kids around if possible until they die.

Society's mores,  what would people think if I tossed out a 22 year old kid on the streets.   Then this assign  idea that a child of 26 who refuses to do more then lay about get on their parents health insurance.   Are or has society gone nuts.?

One year my 89 year old mother was somehow talked into giving her grand child big money for a down payment on a house for her and her 4 kids and boyfriend.   When Christmas came she received in gratitude 4 cookies in a tin.   Next year the home had been repossessed and Mom still feels guilty she could not help them any more.

Gratitude is an unknown word in the land of the libs.   Fortunately they will get there's in the long run when their own kids start coming home  and demand at age 30 they be taken in by their parents.    KARMA oh yes it happens and is a bitch.  

[BadCat]

What is this bitch complaining about?
Sounds like she's raised a whole family of dimocrats.
Maybe obama will give her a medal.

[Karin]

Response to Glitterati (Reply #4)

Fri Nov 29, 2013, 02:22 PM

 elehhhhna (27,549 posts)

6. ...
I'm assuming they are availing themselves to all assistance - incl. SSDI for the child...
 

Maybe I'm just not cognizant of SSDI, but I fail to see where that applies.  Both parents are still alive, if deadbeats.  What am I missing? 

"All assistance."  Oh joy, especially to the hardworking Texans who have to pay for this cluster. 

[GOBUCKS]

Maybe I'm just not cognizant of SSDI, but I fail to see where that applies.  Both parents are still alive, if deadbeats.  What am I missing? 

"All assistance."  Oh joy, especially to the hardworking Texans who have to pay for this cluster. 

Senator Byrd fixed that up. You just need to sign the kids up as retarded and they go on the dole as disabled. They have democrat doctors in WV who will verify the disability.