letter to a fellow Nebraskan

[franksolich]

Dear Steve:

When seeing the results of yesterday’s special election in Bellevue to select someone to replace a resigned city councilman, I wasn’t too disheartened, knowing that the great loss wasn’t any big deal to you, either.

When you first announced you were going to try again, many people, including some of your good friends who tried so hard to help you last time, got alarmed; “Oh my God, we’ve got to something.”

To which I replied, no, leave it alone, do nothing.

I knew exactly what you were doing, Steve; it’s a Nebraska way to be.

You tried accomplishing the impossible the first time, but really really really hoped you’d make it.  You wanted to win that time so badly you could taste it.

Well, you flopped.  Big time.

It’s a growing-up process; you subconsciously realized you didn’t have what it takes, to win.

And then this opportunity suddenly arose, and you got wistful, thinking, “Well, I’ll give it another shot; I won’t win, but sometimes the unexpected happens--sometimes someone hits the jackpot in the Powerball, and it could be me--so I might as well try again.”

And so kudos to you for trying again, even though you knew you were destined to fail.

You’re not getting any younger, Steve; every night, both you and I park our tents one day’s march nearer the mausoleum, and so it’s time to take stock of yourself.

You’ve been a wastrel, a decadent selfish layabout all your life thus far, a burden to your now-late parents and to your older sister, an embarrassment to your wife poor dear Marta and your children.

But there’s still time; you still have a chance to be a credit to humanity, and to Nebraska.

You’ve got only eight years until you can retire on both social security and a generous pension funded by the overburdened taxpayers of Omaha.  Eight years isn’t such a long time, Steve, after which you’ll be in fat city, able to laze around all day while the dollars pour in.

The clock’s running down, Steve; it can’t be too much trouble to merely bide your time, being obedient to your bosses and cooperative with your co-workers, stoically and silently enduring all the jokes they tell about you behind your back.

Also, you’ve been selfishly negligent to the one who’s ostensibly the most important person in your life, Steve; after carrying you all the way through a long and happy marriage, it’s long past time poor dear Marta’s gotten some loving and gratitude from you.

And your kids still yearn for a father they can respect, rather than be ashamed of.

Concentrate on atoning for those flaws, Steve, and you’ll in eight years be able to start entering old age in peace and serenity.

With all my good wishes, your fellow Nebraskan, franksolich.

[Airwolf]

All Steve proved yesterday was that he could **** up running around the block much less for any office.

[GOBUCKS]

It was a long, brutal, costly campaign.

In the end, up against the full power of Koch money, the neckbeard still managed to win over forty votes.

I think Pedro got more votes in "Napoleon Dynamite".