primitive gets fired from hotel front desk clerk job in Maine

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11514442

Oh my.

davidthegnome (1,914 posts)   Mon Sep 30, 2013, 10:44 AM

So, I freaked out yesterday.

It's been a long time since I posted in this group, but I had to talk about what's going on in my life with people who might understand.
 
For fifteen years (perhaps longer but undiagnosed) I've struggled with Post traumatic stress disorder. There comes a time, usually every half a year to year, that, inevitably, like the changing of the seasons, this gnome has a breakdown of some sort. Yesterday's scared me more than a little.
 
I woke up feeling groggy, so groaned and grumbled my way to the coffee pot to wake myself up for work in a few hours. My parents and my sister were at the kitchen table, watching movies. On the outside, everything seemed okay, just a normal family - with two children near age thirty still living with mom and dad - sitting around a table.
 
My mind started racing, going in circles, revolving around everything that was wrong with my life. I can't stand my job, working for a rich jerk and making eight dollars an hour, a job without breaks or benefits. But I tolerate it, because I figure everyone hates their job. It's something we do because we have to.
 
My girlfriend had been totally closed off to me for a couple of months, becoming increasingly cold and angry as I struggled with severe depression and panic attacks. I felt unappreciated, misunderstood, exhausted, overworked.
 
To top it all off, even knowing I needed help, I couldn't afford therapy and don't have a regular physician. But I figured, millions have it much worse than I do, I can keep going...
 
Yesterday I snapped. I drove to work, sat in the parking lot staring at the hotel (I'm a front desk clerk) for about half an hour, debating whether I wanted to go in for another miserable day or just throw in the towel. I texted my girlfriend telling her what was going on and she told me I was acting irresponsibly, selfishly.
 
At this point, something in me was triggered. I left work and went to find my parents, not really wanting to ruin their nice day on the golf course, but with the vague idea that I had to talk to someone. I got there, found them, and told them that maybe I needed to be put in my own rubber room somewhere, that I couldn't handle the stress of my life... the anger, sadness, and even hatred I still feel from years of childhood abuse at the hands of a neighbor.
 
My Father tried to reassure me, to tell me about the good things I had in my life, how good I was at my job, how much people liked me... but it was like I couldn't really take it in. Rational words effected me not at all - until I got angry. I don't even know why I got angry. I just grabbed my cell phone, smashed it into a million pieces on the golf course parking lot, jumped in my car and took off. I had to get away. From what, I don't know. I just kept driving, for hours.
 
Eventually I started thinking about the people who loved me, and how worried they would be, and what a jerk I was for taking off like that, without even calling in to work. But there was a stubborn, angry part of me that didn't want any help, that was tired of wanting to feel better, of praying for a solution, or at least for an easier life. I considered maybe going into the woods and living like a hermit - then realized I had no clue how to do that and survive.
 
Eventually I got lost somewhere up here in Northern Maine. I went through towns without a soul in sight, saw broken down buildings, an abandoned fire station, a town that's name I couldn't pronounce (and I usually can), yet very few signs of real civilization. I abruptly realized that I was broke, just about out of gas, and acting like a lunatic.
 
To make this much longer, frustrating story shorter (I ramble enough as it is) I managed to find my way back home by the kindness of two strangers, and an eight dollar loan from an old friend.
 
I got home, called my girlfriend to say I was okay, to perhaps apologize... and she immediately launched into a tirade of what a jerk I was, how could I do that to her, how rotten of me it was to not even call in to work. While a part of me agreed with these things, it was when she called me an (expletive) insane freak, that I told her it was time to break up - she agreed, and we hung up.
 
I woke up this morning wondering what to do now... I really should call my workplace and explain that I had a relapse, that I was sick, that I'm an insane freak, but that might just make them more likely to fire me. I could lie... but I'm tired of pretending things are okay when they're not.
 
I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I feel like a total idiot, and wonder if maybe I really am a little crazy. Yesterday I felt almost possessed, taking off like that, filled with anger and resentment. Now... I worry that maybe my self control is slipping. Or maybe yesterday is evidence that it has slipped already.
 
Any thoughts? Should I check myself into a rubber room in a good facility before I end up preaching on the streets naked? Or should I take my father's advice and start going to regular therapy? I feel like I'm trying to juggle a million things at once. I don't know how I'm going to go into work today, even if I do still have a job...

Denninmi (6,329 posts)    Mon Sep 30, 2013, 11:54 AM

2. Wow, I'm so sorry, man. Hard on you. This PTSD thing really sucks.

I know, I have it. I'm in the depths of despair with it now, actually. There are days I wonder if any of it's worth the struggle. I had my own freak out recently and it's kind of ongoing. If you have the ability to enter therapy, I would do it. Why would anyone condemn you, at least anyone who knows what it's like.
 
Hang in there. I'd like to answer in more detail, but time is limited right now, I'm at work. I'll try this evening. Remember, you're not alone, this is a good group for support.

^^^needs to be fired for posting on the internet while on the time-clock.

davidthegnome (1,914 posts)    Mon Sep 30, 2013, 03:24 PM

3. So I went to work.

It took every bit of courage I had, and even then I had a panic attack halfway there and had to stop for twenty minutes. I went to the manager's office, she told me to close the door, and I said, "I know it was very irresponsible for me to take off without calling in yesterday. So first I wanted to apologize for that..." and I told her everything that was going on, how right now I don't feel like I can trust myself, how I'm, in a twisted way, scared of my own brain.
 
It probably doesn't make any sense for most people, but she seemed to get it. "Well, it will set us back a little bit Dave, but I want you to go get the help you need, then maybe come and see me when you're better." She explained that the Boss (rich guy, owns two hotels, etc.) wouldn't be willing to take on the liability of having an unstable employee.
 
So now I'm out of a job - and need therapy, which I now definitely can't pay for, but maybe my parents can help. Maybe not. I don't know, I just feel defeated, like I can't function right. Millions of normal people go about their daily lives, their jobs and everything else every single day with little complaint - without having a mental breakdown every year like I seem to. I really wish I could be normal, happy, stable. I wish I could have a simpler life.
 
I wonder what the government shutting down will do to Mainecare and similar programs - I was already rejected once, but I'm thinking about re-applying to pay for therapy. I wonder if there's any point.

[dane]

There are a lot of DUmmies living with their parents and medicating themselves with all kinds of things.

Is that some sort of prerequisite for being a DUmmy in good standing.  

Posting while at work seems to go on a lot as well. Wonder if they consider that is part of the reason employers don't really mind letting them go.

[GOBUCKS]

This is one of the simplest DUmmy problems I've seen yet.

They've already made contact.

Dennis the Menace and this new lunatic need a murder-suicide pact. Problem solved.

Sometimes I get tired of solving life issues for these DUmmies, but I guess someone has to do it.

[Dori]

Frank, is there a list of how many primitives have PTSD? It sounds like an epidemic over there.

[BannedFromDU]

     I will say it again: THESE are the people who presume to tell us all how to live?

[freedumb2003b]

But I tolerate it, because I figure everyone hates their job. It's something we do because we have to.

I love my job.  Yeah, the commute between countries sucks a little and being away from home (I have 1500 hotel nights and 3 million air miles) certainly is stressful.

But what I DO is great -- I get to create elegant systems, through design and creation.  I get to use my rare cross-knowledge line experience to really help people in critical decisions.  And I bring a pretty darn good management experience from 35 years in the industry which is greatly appreciated.  When people pull you aside and say "thanks for bringing that information and perspective to the discussion" (once in a while) it feels pretty dang good.

Most people either operate their job on cruise control and look for joy or really love what they do.

And I stay in hotels 4 days a week and really respect the staff.  And I find, at least in the ones I stay at, these people love what they do and go out of their way to help and support those of us who are relocated.

The primitive should have never been in the Hospitality Industry.  He should have been in the legal MJ industry or maybe the auto dealer technical support industry...

[freedumb2003b]

Frank, is there a list of how many primitives have PTSD? It sounds like an epidemic over there.

The definition of "Stress" (the S in PTSD) is "finding out other people have more than I do."

[franksolich]

Frank, is there a list of how many primitives have PTSD? It sounds like an epidemic over there.

Once in a while, there's been talk of making up a list, much like the old "DU--the reality-based community" thread started by someone at our old home, which was immensely popular at the time.  That thread alas evaporated when our old home crashed in early 2008.

At the time--the mid-2000s--it appeared nearly all the primitives were on mood-altering drugs.

But I dunno; it's a lot of work involved, to compile primitive ailments; the hypochondrial primitive, the "mopinko" primitive, for example, would take up the whole medical encyclopedia, and include ailments that haven't even yet been discovered.

To me, this "PTSD" sounds fishily as if one just can't adapt to the world as it is, with the egotistical "demand" that the whole world instead comply with the way a primitive thinks it should be.

A good ass-kicking is what such people need, not pharmaceuticals.  Cheaper too.

[JohnnyReb]

Once in a while, there's been talk of making up a list, much like the old "DU--the reality-based community" thread started by someone at our old home, which was immensely popular at the time.  That thread alas evaporated when our old home crashed in early 2008.

At the time--the mid-2000s--it appeared nearly all the primitives were on mood-altering drugs.

But I dunno; it's a lot of work involved, to compile primitive ailments; the hypochondrial primitive, the "mopinko" primitive, for example, would take up the whole medical encyclopedia, and include ailments that haven't even yet been discovered.

To me, this "PTSD" sounds fishily as if one just can't adapt to the world as it is, with the egotistical "demand" that the whole world instead comply with the way a primitive thinks it should be.

A good ass-kicking is what such people need, not pharmaceuticals.  Cheaper too.

That was the cure for a great many ills when I came along.....and it worked 99% of the time....a true wonder drug.

[Freeper]

     I will say it again: THESE are the people who presume to tell us all how to live?

Amazing isn't it?

[marv]

This DUmmy just wants a womb to crawl back into. And this PTSD shit again...........

I guess DU makes him feel warm and wet all over.

[Mr Mannn]

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is what soldiers get when they return home after facing the horrors of war. these soldiers served honorably, and completed their duty.

What the DUmmies use PTSD is for the soup du jour. It's the disease of the day. They are incompetent and unable to handles everyday things, and so they try to tie themselves to the best men and women in the US Military. IT'S A LIE. Its a form of stolen valor. DUmmies don't care if their misuse diminishes those who have served. they just want disability.  

[Tucker]

We need more uplifting stories like this. Who says that DU had no redeeming value?

[FiddyBeowulf]

Frank, is there a list of how many primitives have PTSD? It sounds like an epidemic over there.

It would be easier to make a list of those without PTSD.

[Chris_]

This is why DUmmies can't have nice things.

[SarasotaRepub]

Freeper, is this one of your moles??? 

This HAS to be a mole, no one in real life is this pathetic.

[franksolich]

This HAS to be a mole, no one in real life is this pathetic.

I used to think so, but man, I think differently now.

[DumbAss Tanker]

The definition of "Stress" (the S in PTSD) is "finding out other people have more than I do."

They have a very low threshold for self-diagnosing any mental disorder that sounds like it might eventually lead to SSDI checks.

[Dori]

Wasn't there another DUmmie complaining about working the desk in a hotel recently? 

Never mind....same guy

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,90998.msg1133782.html#msg1133782

[franksolich]

Wasn't there another DUmmie complaining about working the desk in a hotel recently? 

Never mind....same guy

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,90998.msg1133782.html#msg1133782

Yeah, same whiner.

[Gern]

It probably doesn't make any sense for most people, but she seemed to get it. "Well, it will set us back a little bit Dave, but I want you to go get the help you need, then maybe come and see me when you're better." She explained that the Boss (rich guy, owns two hotels, etc.) wouldn't be willing to take on the liability of having an unstable employee.

You're incredibly naive.  

She didn't "get it" and was probably anything but sympathetic. She might have played it up for you--but that was probably just to make sure you were gone as soon as possible.

That's bosstalk you got.   "The owner wouldn't be willing to take on the liability" is a euphemism for "You've proven yourself to be unreliable, so you're fired, as of right now. I have better things to worry about than a basket case like you. Now leave so I can get back to work."

[marv]

They have a very low threshold for self-diagnosing any mental disorder that sounds like it might eventually lead to SSDI checks.

Presumed PTSD is the hoped for shortcut to SSDI. Its the bacteria that infects all those DUmmies. Hell, I've been shot at and took a grenade fragment in the side, and I've been doing fine for the last 54 years! Most of the time, for even veterans with combat experience, the trauma is no worse than an auto accident.

I think that davidthegnome woke up one morning and finally realized that at his age (30s?), he's still living with his parents and can't do any better than clerk at a hotel. He has to face up to the fact that he's just another useless piece of shit.

[ChuckJ]

All of the DUmmies are suffering from CRI. I wish they would just be honest about it instead of pretending to have other DUmp ailments of the week.

[Dori]

He has to face up to the fact that he's just another useless piece of shit.

According to his post, he's had some college.  Like the one in Tucson, she said she has a BA.  You would think they learned something in those classes they could use for better employment opportunities.

[thundley4]

Where did the PTSD originate from?  Most DUmmies blame parental or sibling relationships for their problems, but this DUmmie still lives with both and apparently gets along with them.