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Author Topic: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent  (Read 4054 times)

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Offline GOBUCKS

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Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« on: September 13, 2013, 01:14:24 AM »
Just notice this from three months ago. Don't remember seeing it in the DUmpster.

Since Amber is on her way to vagrant flophouse in Tucson, the writing thing must not have worked out. It's sort of surprising, she's such a good writer.
Quote
Wed Jun 12, 2013, 03:19 AM

Lady Freedom Returns (5,957 posts)
Self- Publishing would take money I don't got. Could try to get a publisher myself, but I don't know if I would get very far.
 
Where to start?
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1202932
Call DUmmy Raven. She pays to publish shitty manuscripts for her drunken son.

 
Quote
Response to CherokeeDem (Reply #1)
Wed Jun 12, 2013, 01:13 PM
Lady Freedom Returns (5,957 posts)

2. It is a Horror/Fanasty.

I'll bet it's mainly a horror.

Quote
Response to SheilaT (Reply #8)
Sat Jun 15, 2013, 01:00 AM
Lady Freedom Returns (5,957 posts)

9. Already have.
Book 2= 3/4 done.

Book 3= 1/4 done

I am one of those that find it useful to do more that one at a time. It helps me with writers block.



Quote
Thu Jul 25, 2013, 10:47 PM
Lady Freedom Returns (5,959 posts)

I had my sis read some, she says I need an edior due to some speling mistakes...
She said she would but a big price on it I'm sure. If I get an Agent will they handle that part or do I need to pay someone to edit before finding an Agent?



Quote
Response to Lady Freedom Returns (Original post)
Sun Jul 28, 2013, 02:34 AM
SheilaT (12,988 posts)

4. Have you considered at least running it through a spellcheck?
One would have caught to two errors in your header.


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Offline dane

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2013, 01:50:13 AM »
Quote
had my sis read some, she says I need an edior due to some speling mistakes...

Sis got this one right.  I have come to believe Ladyfreedumb's communication degree is a fig newton of her imagination.
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Offline franksolich

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2013, 03:35:51 AM »
I'm starting to like the convenience store primitive's sisters more and more:

Quote
I had my sis read some, she says I need an edior due to some speling mistakes...She said she would but a big price on it I'm sure.

They're teaching her nothing in life is free.  One wonders if she'll learn it.
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Offline miskie

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2013, 05:39:23 AM »
Quote from: franksolich on September 13, 2013, 03:35:51 AM
I'm starting to like the convenience store primitive's sisters more and more:

They're teaching her nothing in life is free.  One wonders if she'll learn it.

She won't. Yet she will expect to get paid handsomely for her 'book'.
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2013, 06:47:43 AM »
Hey, she's working on her second and third books......that's probably like me working on my second and third million dollars....I gave up on making the first million. :-)
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Offline ScubaGuy

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2013, 06:59:03 AM »
Quote
had my sis read some, she says I need an edior due to some speling mistakes...
:loser:
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Offline Karin

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2013, 07:26:25 AM »
All I can say is facepalm. 

I can't even row over and read it, it's so cringe-worthy. 
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Offline Skul

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2013, 07:38:48 AM »
Spell check needs grammar, punctuation, and structure check, too.
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Offline RobJohnson

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #8 on: September 13, 2013, 07:48:00 AM »
Quote
Response to Lady Freedom Returns (Original post)
Sun Jul 28, 2013, 02:34 AM
SheilaT (12,988 posts)

4. Have you considered at least running it through a spellcheck?
One would have caught to two errors in your header.

 :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Offline Tucker

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #9 on: September 13, 2013, 08:15:48 AM »
From last night (with no replies)

Quote
Thu Sep 12, 2013, 10:43 PM

Lady Freedom Returns (5,959 posts)

If I can get you to smile before I leave...

If all works like it is suppose to at the Depot tomorrow, I will be living in 8 day!!!

How can she screw up so many times in such few words?
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Offline BannedFromDU

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #10 on: September 13, 2013, 10:51:32 AM »

     There should be a fund to support the publication of works by authors such as her. The only stipulation would be that the works would have to completely unedited - every single word must be as the author typed it. The comic implications are too great to fathom...I would pay to read such a "fanasty".

     What strikes me the most about DUmmy fiction is that it's ALWAYS some kind of fantasy or science fiction - they never, ever try to write in the context of the world they actually live in. Yet as I recall from their descriptions, most of their stories have to do with some stellar cabal sticking it to some planetful of innocent hippie type aliens, and one of the hippies rises up to thwart the oppressive regime with, like, their rapier wit and probably a Burger King mask. This means one of two things (or perhaps both): they can't stop ripping off Star Wars, or they insist on inventing universes where Dick Cheney is actually an evil person instead of some guy that leaves them all pissed off and butthurt. Remember mythsaje, the Target employee/fantasy writer?

     In any case, I want to read more DUmmy fiction, not less.
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Offline lastparker

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #11 on: September 13, 2013, 01:20:55 PM »
Quote from: BannedFromDU on September 13, 2013, 10:51:32 AM
    What strikes me the most about DUmmy fiction is that it's ALWAYS some kind of fantasy or science fiction - they never, ever try to write in the context of the world they we actually live in.

Fixored.   :-)

You see, they DO live in a fantasy world..... A world in which housing, food and sex change operations are a Constitutionally guaranteed right, fully funded by the government.  A world in which all guns would be confiscated and destroyed, and we'd give out hugs, not slugs.  You see where I'm going with this, right?
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Offline BannedFromDU

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #12 on: September 13, 2013, 01:52:26 PM »
Quote from: lastparker on September 13, 2013, 01:20:55 PM
Fixored.   :-)

You see, they DO live in a fantasy world..... A world in which housing, food and sex change operations are a Constitutionally guaranteed right mandated, fully funded by the government.  A world in which all guns would be confiscated and destroyed, and we'd give out hugs, not slugs.  You see where I'm going with this, right?

Fixored right back.
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Offline lastparker

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #13 on: September 13, 2013, 02:14:42 PM »
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Deadbeats eating mushroom duxelles and dandelion salad with a shallot vinaigrette are still deadbeats.    -GOBUCKS

Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #14 on: September 13, 2013, 03:38:25 PM »
Both of you--H5s. :cheersmate:
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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2013, 03:58:13 PM »
Lemme guess:

50 Shades of Twilight
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2013, 03:58:57 PM »
She needs anne eddie tore and anne age gent.
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"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline GOP Congress

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #17 on: September 13, 2013, 04:13:59 PM »
How the hell would self-publishing cost any money??

There are tons of online publishers like Lulu.com and others. You join for free, you create your own book using their templates or your own word processing program, design the cover, and submit it...POOF!! Instant publishing. No moolah. If ya really wanna get fancy you can buy an ISBN number, then you can sell it through Amazon and Barnes & Nobel.

(I'm being sarcastic here. Although what I said is 100% true, there's no way on this planet that a DUmmie would ever figure out how to do that...or more likely, she has no book written in the first place!)
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Offline Ogre

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #18 on: September 13, 2013, 04:23:57 PM »
Quote
Response to SheilaT (Reply #8)
Sat Jun 15, 2013, 01:00 AM
Lady Freedom Returns (5,957 posts)

9. Already have.
Book 2= 3/4 done.

Book 3= 1/4 done

I am one of those that find it useful to do more that one at a time. It helps me with writers block.

I can see the titles now:

Convenience store inventory for DUmmies.

Cash register manipulation for DUmmies.

The DUmmies guide to bus travel.
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Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #19 on: September 13, 2013, 06:48:03 PM »
Well, first things first, Amber.  You have to have something to write about that people would be willing to pay to read.

You blew your chance by not taking up your walking trip from Joplin to Washington State a few years back. 

The posthumous income your family would have enjoyed from the sale of your story, and then the subsequent royalties on book sales would have more than paid for any college debt you managed to accrue at MSSU. 
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Offline I_B_Perky

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2013, 07:35:28 PM »
Quote
Wed Jun 12, 2013, 03:19 AM

Lady Freedom Returns (5,957 posts)
Self- Publishing would take money I don't got. Could try to get a publisher myself, but I don't know if I would get very far.
 
Where to start?

Start by spell checking your work, moron.

Quote
Lady Freedom Returns (5,957 posts)

2. It is a Horror/Fanasty.

So you describe yourself naked in the book and having a sexual encounter?

Quote
Lady Freedom Returns (5,957 posts)

9. Already have.
Book 2= 3/4 done.

Book 3= 1/4 done

I am one of those that find it useful to do more that one at a time. It helps me with writers block.


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! 

Quote
Lady Freedom Returns (5,959 posts)

I had my sis read some, she says I need an edior due to some speling mistakes...
She said she would but a big price on it I'm sure. If I get an Agent will they handle that part or do I need to pay someone to edit before finding an Agent?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  You dumbass.

Quote
SheilaT (12,988 posts)

4. Have you considered at least running it through a spellcheck?
One would have caught to two errors in your header.

 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Dumbass.

Perky gonna help you out here. You wanna write a book and get it published? Spelling is important. Really important. No agent worth his/her salt is even gonna touch it if it is unreadable.

Second... I took a writing/journo class back in college. Just cause I suck at English. Figured it would help me. I was wrong. Anyway... the first thing the prof said was that if you ain't got the time to make sure your so called "life's work" is free of spelling  errors, then you ain't gonna get nothing published.

His exact words.

Third... I thought you was a communication major. Apparently the only thing you can communicate is how much your life sucks. So dumbass... write about something you are an expert in. In your case it is failure. You could call it: "How to fail, how to succeed."

Spend the first ten chapters detailing how you failed. Make chapter eleven a one sentence chapter... "Don't do what I did."

It will be a top seller. Trust me on this one.
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #21 on: September 13, 2013, 07:48:35 PM »
Quote from: I_B_Perky on September 13, 2013, 07:35:28 PM
It will be a top seller. Trust me on this one.

Assuming that no toilet paper is available, you're right.
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"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #22 on: September 13, 2013, 08:42:23 PM »
Quote
Spend the first ten chapters detailing how you failed. Make chapter eleven a one sentence chapter... "Don't do what I did."

It will be a top seller. Trust me on this one.

 :rotf:
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Offline RobJohnson

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #23 on: September 13, 2013, 08:54:26 PM »
Quote from: Ogre on September 13, 2013, 04:23:57 PM
I can see the titles now:

Convenience store inventory for DUmmies.

Cash register manipulation for DUmmies.

The DUmmies guide to bus travel.

"How to steal $70 for a bus ticket and never get caught."
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Offline Delmar

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Re: Amber Looking For A Literary Agent
« Reply #24 on: September 14, 2013, 06:13:56 AM »
Quote
Self- Publishing would take money I don't got.

That's I ain't got, Amber.
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