Does someone have a mole that can go over and offer to be the first employee?
"I'm offering to come work for you. I need $15 an hour, full paid benefits, a pension plan, six weeks paid vacation, a paid sabbatical every two years, profit sharing, and you better make that $18 an hour because I will need that to stay whole after I pay the union dues I will owe after joining one. I have no experience, but I do have a bad back and I take care of my ailing step-uncle, so I will need a few hours off here and there for that."