locust primitive and the mad primitive discuss enmeshed personalities

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11514189

Oh my.

Locut0s (3,754 posts)    Fri Aug 16, 2013, 12:47 AM

I have an enmeshed personality with my father.

A therapist diagnosed this years ago when my father went to get some emotional help. No my own psychiatrist largely agrees with it. We are too close. We emotionally depend on each other. Our personalities even depend on each other and it's hard to separate the two of us. I find it hard to have my own likes and dislikes. I get upset when he dislikes something I like etc... When I'm upset he is and visa versa. We are also much more like best friends than father and son. We talk about literature and science and even women the way friends would. I used to call my parents mommy and daddy till a few weeks ago.
 
Because of this enmeshment I've found it very difficult to build my own personality. To have my own interests to be assertive.

olddots (4,069 posts)    Fri Aug 16, 2013, 02:16 AM

1. isn't that common to certain extents ?

I seemed to be more in tune with my mother than with my father .

I think you have plenty of personality but maybe a stronger bond with your father which in turn puts your mother at odds with the dynamic . Don't listen to my crap I barely finished high school but be thankful for your relationship with your parents -I talk more to my parents since they have been dead than I spoke to them when they were alive .
 
Have you ever gone to therapy with your parents ?

Locut0s (3,754 posts)    Fri Aug 16, 2013, 03:03 AM

2. I think you mean just being close to your parents...

That is common. But in my case there's a somewhat subtle but important difference. I've failed to develop certain parts of my personality fully because I've relied on my parents as a form of crutch. Like I said I have difficulty with things like knowing what my own interests and likes are. I find myself coming to agreement with my father on far too much because we in some ways share aspects of our personalities. Do I like a film after I've seen it with my father? Well I could give you an answer but truthfully I don't fully form my opinion until I've talked it over with him and see what we both think of it. I don't seem to quite have an opinion on it 100% until the 2 of us have come to an agreement. I'm exaggerating a bit and I don't have these issues with things that I do and see on my own, but then I've done so little on my own.
 
No I haven't gone to therapy with my parents. That's actually something I'd be very interested in doing but have no idea how I would bring that about. The psychiatrist I go to now probably wouldn't be interested in doing that, though I suppose I could ask.

olddots (4,069 posts)    Fri Aug 16, 2013, 04:03 AM

3. if you do therapy with your parents make sure the therapist has good record with family therapy

it can get really out of hand because in my experience sides get taken and if the therapy isn't played out ( someone doesn't want to get thru it and quits ) things can get screwed up.
 
I'm sure you have gone thru your options of how to get away and they seem like they don't exist..

It will be real good when it happens and it will happen. Our circumstantial depressions are a paradox but there is hope . Maybe you and your dad could see your therapist and talk about boundaries with out your mom .....you could ask your shrink ,boundaries suck but sometimes they have to be there . My mother had no boundaries with me and that will last a lifetime so maybe it's time to set some up with your dad even though it may be very difficult and weirdly uncomfortable it may be worth a shot because who the hell can afford to strike it out now alone without a gazillion dollars ?

[67 Rover]

Locut0s (3,754 posts)    Fri Aug 16, 2013, 12:47 AM

I have an enmeshed personality with my father.

A therapist diagnosed this years ago when my father went to get some emotional help. No my own psychiatrist largely agrees with it. We are too close. We emotionally depend on each other. Our personalities even depend on each other and it's hard to separate the two of us. I find it hard to have my own likes and dislikes. I get upset when he dislikes something I like etc... When I'm upset he is and visa versa. We are also much more like best friends than father and son. We talk about literature and science and even women the way friends would. I used to call my parents mommy and daddy till a few weeks ago.
 
Because of this enmeshment I've found it very difficult to build my own personality. To have my own interests to be assertive.

Oh good god please kill yourself.

[GOBUCKS]

A couple of queer jackwagons, living in namby-pamby land.

[Mr Mannn]

Locut0s (3,754 posts)   
I used to call my parents mommy and daddy till a few weeks ago.

and this DUmmy wants to get a girlfriend? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

--Another mental giant amid the geniuses at DU stands tall.

[Bad Dog]

odd lots..."I talk more to my parents since they have been dead than I spoke to them when they were alive"  Alllllll Righty now!!!!

[miskie]

..Im sure the primitive will find a way to work this into a disability check of some sort..

Its like he has a PhD in 'Daddy's Little Man'   

[Big Dog]

A couple of queer jackwagons, living in namby-pamby land.

PMing each other to set up an Adult Baby playdate, as we speak.


LocoPuffs' profile picture on "GayAdultBaby.com"


olddots' profile picture.

[obumazombie]

Why is the lib riding an endangered polar bear ?