« previous next »
Pages: [1] 2   Go Down

Author Topic: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post  (Read 6196 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline ReardenSteel

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
  • Reputation: +204/-18
RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« on: June 14, 2008, 11:13:45 PM »
So. How's the weather CC? Local sports team doing well? Anyone wanna hear my bar jokes?
Logged
"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline Miss Mia

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8052
  • Reputation: +353/-137
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #1 on: June 14, 2008, 11:14:09 PM »
I vote bar jokes.
Logged
Stink Eye
"Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass."

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #2 on: June 14, 2008, 11:15:41 PM »
Bar jokes are good.

Rented the Bucket List, so I'm watching that.  It's pretty good so far.  Got a few chuckles out of it.
Logged
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline ReardenSteel

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
  • Reputation: +204/-18
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2008, 11:17:09 PM »
A termite walks into a bar and says "Hey! Is the bar tender here?"

Fair warning. They are pretty much all like that.  :p
Logged
"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #4 on: June 14, 2008, 11:18:02 PM »
:rimshot:

oh god  :lmao:
Logged
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline ReardenSteel

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
  • Reputation: +204/-18
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #5 on: June 14, 2008, 11:19:30 PM »
Baby seal walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Canadian Club on the rocks".

Tah dum dum.
Logged
"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline Miss Mia

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8052
  • Reputation: +353/-137
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #6 on: June 14, 2008, 11:21:10 PM »
Quote from: ReardenSteel on June 14, 2008, 11:19:30 PM
Baby seal walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Canadian Club on the rocks".

Tah dum dum.


That's just wrong.   :rotf:
Logged
Stink Eye
"Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass."

Offline Schadenfreude

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8388
  • Reputation: +475/-78
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #7 on: June 14, 2008, 11:22:28 PM »
For the geeks among us...

A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"
Logged
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.â€

Offline ReardenSteel

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
  • Reputation: +204/-18
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2008, 11:22:31 PM »
Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks.



Horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?".



A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw!"
Logged
"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline Miss Mia

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8052
  • Reputation: +353/-137
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2008, 11:24:23 PM »
Quote from: Schadenfreude on June 14, 2008, 11:22:28 PM
For the geeks among us...

A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"

LOL
Logged
Stink Eye
"Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass."

Offline ReardenSteel

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
  • Reputation: +204/-18
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2008, 11:24:39 PM »
Quote from: Schadenfreude on June 14, 2008, 11:22:28 PM
For the geeks among us...

A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"

Great one. LOL I thought you were in bed. (it's not innuendo if I stop here)
Logged
"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline ReardenSteel

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
  • Reputation: +204/-18
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #11 on: June 14, 2008, 11:26:03 PM »
Two atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."

Logged
"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline Schadenfreude

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8388
  • Reputation: +475/-78
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2008, 11:30:34 PM »
 :rotf: good ones RS....

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
Logged
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.â€

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2008, 11:30:37 PM »
Okay, this movie just turned sappy and dull.   :whatever:
Logged
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline ReardenSteel

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
  • Reputation: +204/-18
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2008, 11:30:55 PM »
A man is refused entrance into a bar for not wearing a necktie. In desperation, he grabs his jumper cables from the car and fashions a knot. On his return, the bouncer stares at him for a few seconds and says, "OK. You can come in I guess. Just don't start anything.".

 
Logged
"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline Schadenfreude

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8388
  • Reputation: +475/-78
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2008, 11:32:47 PM »
Quote from: ReardenSteel on June 14, 2008, 11:24:39 PM
Quote from: Schadenfreude on June 14, 2008, 11:22:28 PM
For the geeks among us...

A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"

Great one. LOL I thought you were in bed. (it's not innuendo if I stop here)

I see you were all anxious to get rid of me too. Now I know why women slap you.  :hammer:
Logged
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.â€

Offline Schadenfreude

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8388
  • Reputation: +475/-78
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #16 on: June 14, 2008, 11:33:47 PM »
Quote from: ReardenSteel on June 14, 2008, 11:30:55 PM
A man is refused entrance into a bar for not wearing a necktie. In desperation, he grabs his jumper cables from the car and fashions a knot. On his return, the bouncer stares at him for a few seconds and says, "OK. You can come in I guess. Just don't start anything.".

 

 :lmao:

I laft for real.
Logged
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.â€

Offline ReardenSteel

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
  • Reputation: +204/-18
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #17 on: June 14, 2008, 11:36:23 PM »
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.



A shrimp walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here.".
Logged
"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline Miss Mia

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8052
  • Reputation: +353/-137
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #18 on: June 14, 2008, 11:36:36 PM »
There is this lady and she is struggling having a baby so the doctor brings out these pills and he tells her each of these pills takes away a quarter of the pain, but sends it to the father of the baby.

So she takes one and her husband says "Women are wimps, I feel no pain"

Then she takes another and her husband says "Man this doesn't hurt."

So she takes, two more and has no problem having the baby and neither her nor her husband are in pain.

Two days later they come home with the baby and the milk man is dead on their doorstep
Logged
Stink Eye
"Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass."

Offline ReardenSteel

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
  • Reputation: +204/-18
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #19 on: June 14, 2008, 11:38:35 PM »
Quote from: Schadenfreude on June 14, 2008, 11:32:47 PM
Quote from: ReardenSteel on June 14, 2008, 11:24:39 PM
Quote from: Schadenfreude on June 14, 2008, 11:22:28 PM
For the geeks among us...

A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"

Great one. LOL I thought you were in bed. (it's not innuendo if I stop here)

I see you were all anxious to get rid of me too. Now I know why women slap you.  :hammer:

You got me all wrong. But I can't respond properly in an "innuendo free" thread. I've tied my hands.
Logged
"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline ReardenSteel

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
  • Reputation: +204/-18
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #20 on: June 14, 2008, 11:39:59 PM »
Quote from: Miss Mia on June 14, 2008, 11:36:36 PM
There is this lady and she is struggling having a baby so the doctor brings out these pills and he tells her each of these pills takes away a quarter of the pain, but sends it to the father of the baby.

So she takes one and her husband says "Women are wimps, I feel no pain"

Then she takes another and her husband says "Man this doesn't hurt."

So she takes, two more and has no problem having the baby and neither her nor her husband are in pain.

Two days later they come home with the baby and the milk man is dead on their doorstep

Uhhh, OUCH! For so many reasons.  :lmao:
Logged
"When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #21 on: June 14, 2008, 11:41:45 PM »
[youtube=425,350]Q9YL0yHohts[/youtube]

 :-)
Logged
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Schadenfreude

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8388
  • Reputation: +475/-78
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #22 on: June 14, 2008, 11:43:36 PM »
Quote from: ReardenSteel on June 14, 2008, 11:38:35 PM
Quote from: Schadenfreude on June 14, 2008, 11:32:47 PM
Quote from: ReardenSteel on June 14, 2008, 11:24:39 PM
Quote from: Schadenfreude on June 14, 2008, 11:22:28 PM
For the geeks among us...

A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"

Great one. LOL I thought you were in bed. (it's not innuendo if I stop here)

I see you were all anxious to get rid of me too. Now I know why women slap you.  :hammer:

You got me all wrong. But I can't respond properly in an "innuendo free" thread. I've tied my hands.

Perfect!

Here is another funny....

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
Logged
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.â€

Offline Miss Mia

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8052
  • Reputation: +353/-137
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #23 on: June 14, 2008, 11:44:31 PM »
A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs.

Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it.

As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly.

Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her 'little accident' and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now.

As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?"

He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is."
Logged
Stink Eye
"Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass."

Offline Schadenfreude

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8388
  • Reputation: +475/-78
Re: RS's innuendo free quest for 1000 post
« Reply #24 on: June 14, 2008, 11:47:10 PM »
Quote from: Miss Mia on June 14, 2008, 11:44:31 PM
A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs.

Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it.

As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly.

Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her 'little accident' and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now.

As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?"

He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is."

 :evillaugh: ok... now I go sleepers.......good night all.

Congrats RS on your 1k.  :cheersmate:
Logged
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.â€
Pages: [1] 2   Go Up
« previous next »