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WCGreen (45,035 posts) Sun Jun 16, 2013, 01:21 PMMy dad was a drunk, a staggering lush who alienated every person he knew...He had such promise. When he was blotto he was intolerable but on those rare occasions when he felt comfortable, he could be charming, funny and productive. I remember him hitting my mother, having fist fights with his sister, who also was a drunk. There were times when he was charming, engaging and smart, very smart. He was a man of dreams but never had the ability to stay on task long enough to reap what he had sown. There was this eight year period when he stopped drinking. He didn't go to AA. He stayed sober by working his ass off to pay my brothers way to John Carrol University. He was a modern John Henry, trying to compete against the computers that were taking the skill out of the Tool and Di profession. He finally got a shot at something big. He won a bid to make molds for aluminum casings for X-ray machines. He underbid and over promise but he worked like a man possessed. The tolerance was tight, less than .02 of a millimeter either way. He had to take the blueprints and then calculate by hand, no affordable calculators back then, what he was going to cut the next day. He stopped drinking. But when the company making these X-ray needed more molds to be made, they cut my dad out of the bidding process and so he was defeated. Soon enough, he started to drink again. About three years later I was living with him. I was drinking hard then. I fooled myself that I wasn't an Alcoholic because I didn't drink to oblivion like my dad did night after night... I got up one day to go to work and I saw my dad passed out on the floor. This was a crucial time in my life. When I came home that night I saw he was still on the floor. He had had a stroke. well, I drank that weekend and showed up to my job drunk. They sent me home and the next day I signed up for AA. As soon as my dad recovered enough to go home, he started to drink again. He died shortly after my wedding two years down the road. I don't have many fond memories of my father but every now and then I am reminded of how he could be but chose not to be, if that makes any sense. So happy fathers day to all of you dad's out there who take your role seriously but not too serious. Sometime it's just fine to enjoy being every sons first best friend.
raccoon (21,388 posts) Sun Jun 16, 2013, 01:57 PM4. I'm glad you found sobriety. My father died of alcoholism when I was a little kid.I have no fond memories of him. All I remember was a mean, scary, unpredictable man.
Jim Lane (3,878 posts) Sun Jun 16, 2013, 02:12 PM6. Thanks for sharing this.My late father's last job before retirement was at a shelter for homeless alcoholics. Most of them, of course, became homeless because they were alcoholics. From what he told me, I knew that your story is far from unique -- in fact, your father, while failing in many ways, still managed to do a better job for you and your brother than did some other men with the same affliction. My father used to grouse about the degree of public attention paid to drug abuse, meaning illegal drugs. His complaint was that the problems from alcohol abuse dwarfed those arising from all the illegal drugs combined. Grandstanding politicians still try to get mileage out of backing the "War on Drugs" while cutting funding for programs that address alcoholism.
Skidmore (29,200 posts) Sun Jun 16, 2013, 02:12 PM7. My dad had a similar story except add in a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia and periods of psychosis or catatonic states. He was extremely abusive towards us. I have spent my entire adult life trying to sort out how I could extract a wee bit of normalcy from all of that chaos. I finally found it in watching my son-in-law parent my grandchildren in a loving and respectful way. I watch them light up and race to the door when he comes homefrom work. I like that they literally will talk to him about anything and he will listen to them attentively. I love that they have no fear of him even when they know they have been naughty and will be receiving a consequence for their disobedience. I like that he laughs with them. I get a glimpse of what a good father is like and am so happy that our young ones will experience such love and kindness firsthand and not have to grow old and watch it from afar to learn about it. I last saw my father nearly fifty years ago. I did not go to his funeral. I never let my children near him. He had hurt me too many times and in too many ways.
Skidmore (29,200 posts) Sun Jun 16, 2013, 02:12 PM(...)I finally found it in watching my son-in-law parent my grandchildren in a loving and respectful way. I watch them light up and race to the door when he comes homefrom work. I like that they literally will talk to him about anything and he will listen to them attentively. I love that they have no fear of him even when they know they have been naughty and will be receiving a consequence for their disobedience. I like that he laughs with them. I get a glimpse of what a good father is like and am so happy that our young ones will experience such love and kindness firsthand and not have to grow old and watch it from afar to learn about it.(...)
There's a reason why patriotism is considered a conservative value. Watch a Tea Party rally and you'll see people proudly raising the American flag and showing pride in U.S. heroes such as Thomas Jefferson. Watch an OWS rally and you'll see people burning the American flag while showing pride in communist heroes such as Che Guevera. --Bob, from some news site
Starting to see a parallel between a ****ed up home life and being a Prog. They replace their father figure with nanny government. I've always said that being a Prog was clinical and needed to be treated by mental health professions.
