White House Announces Plan to Revive Flagging USPS
Washington DC - White House spokesman Jay Carney revealed today that the on-going controversy surrounding the NSA broad-sweeping data collection program known as PRISM was actually an effort to revive the flagging fortunes of the US Postal Service.
"Yeah, yeah, we totally meant to do that," Carney said to a press room of skeptical journalists. "We wanted people to know we could collect every electronic piece of information they send."
As proof of his assertion Carney pointed out for a fact that PRISM has, to date, failed to intercept even a single terrorist plot on US soil, those being intercepted have been nabbed by traditional police work.
"I mean, if we know every recipe you mom posts on Pinterest then surely we could have caught the Tsarnaev [Boston bombing] brothers who frequented numerous radical Islamist websites. But since we didn't catch them with PRISM obviously we weren't looking for them, right?"
When asked how PRISM was supposed to drum-up revenue for the Postal Service, Mr. Carney revealed that people will now be so conscious of electronic intercepts that they will return to written forms of correspondence that require mailing.
"After this people wouldn't dare use the phone or internet," Carney announced triumphantly.
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