Locut0s (virgin loser) explains why he's not a loser...fails

[Ralph Wiggum]

Locut0s (1,987 posts)

Do you identify with your user name? Do you use it elsewhere? What does it stand for?
 
Last edited Wed May 22, 2013, 04:32 PM USA/ET - Edit history (1)

I've been using Locut0s now for, damn I can't even remember how long. Probably shortly after I started using the web and discovered message boards, must be at least 12 -15 years now. It's pretty much the only user name I use and it's become something of a 2nd name for me, I truly identify with it. Occasionally I'll use something different if I want total anonymity, since I use Locut0s on so many other sites, or if the name is already taken. even when it's taken I usually use something close. The name originates from Star Trek TNG, it's the name Picard is given by the Borg when he is assimilated to become their spokesperson, though there it's spelled Locutus, I think that spelling was taken so I substituted a zero in place of the u when I first created the nick. Despite the strong trekkie vibe I'm not quite a trekkie, well I've seen every episode of every series so I guess that might qualify me lol. But I've never been to a convention, never dressed up as a character, nor have any merchandise.

I'm not knocking those of you who are sci-fi or Star Trek fans, I just thought this was amusing.

Besides, this could be yet another valuable research thread.

[Big Dog]

Name: Thomas Lake
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Hobby: eating insects and other weird things (http://forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php?t=208012), S&M with his dog.


Picture of his dog in some kind of S&M restraint:

[FiddyBeowulf]

I always thought it was "Locust" after the swarming pests that destroys all vegetation in whatever area they land in.

[franksolich]

You gotta be kidding me.

Tell me, please, you're kidding me.

[98ZJUSMC]

Name: Thomas Lake
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Hobby: eating insects and other weird things (http://forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php?t=208012), S&M with his dog.


Picture of his dog in some kind of S&M restraint:

Sounds about right.

You gotta be kidding me.

Tell me, please, you're kidding me.

That was my first thought, but unfortunately, it fits.

[Big Dog]

You gotta be kidding me.

Tell me, please, you're kidding me.

The picture is the real deal.

I don't know if "S&M" is the right name for it. Is there a name for the plague of locusts DUmmy binding up his dog like an infant, spreading peanut butter on his moobs, and letting the dog suckle until the DUmmy reaches orgasm?

[kraven]

Has anyone read this DUmmie's journal?

Locut0s
RSSRSS
Locut0s's ProfileSend mail to Locut0s
Hello. Going through a rough period of my life.
So I've posted on DU off an on for several years but have never introduced myself here despite posting numerous times about my emotional problems. I'll try to keep this as short as possible without cutting out anything important but if I start to ramble feel free to stop reading, lol

So anyway, where to start? I'm 29 years old. I suffer from a combination of serious Social Anxiety, Perfectionism, and Depression (with an extremely low sense of self esteem). To a lesser extent I suffer from GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and an "enmeshed" emotional personality with my father. I've always been a shy kid, since early childhood and clung desperately to my parents at all times. School was a nightmare for me from K-12, and university for different reasons. I can still remember being left to cry at the gates of a preschool in Taiwan as I watched my parents drive off (I lived in China, Taiwan and Malaysia for 4 years as a young child). This reached a head in grade 10 when my anxiety peaked and I dropped out for the first time. I managed to go back and finish high school a year latter.

In university I was much freer and bullying and ostracization by other kids weren't the issues they were in HS. But years of social anxiety and self ostracization meant that I had none of the social skills necessary to build the kind of emotional support network, friends, needed to thrive in a post secondary environment. I've never dated, or come close to doing so, am a virgin etc.. This combined with my perfectionism and lack of good study habits born of years surviving solely on my intelligence would prove to be a nasty mix, I had a 4.0 GPA coming out of HS and did well in most courses at University even without studying. The following years I would drop out of university and start again 4 or 5 times or more. Eventually I'd had enough of it and looked to get a job while I worked things out, or so I told myself. My mother was an assistant manager at 7-11 and she helped me secure a position there.

The next 4 years I worked happily at 7-11 working my way up to assistant manager and eventually acting manager for a short time. At the end of this period though my anxieties reared their head again and I quit and started drinking heavily. Somehow I managed to stop drinking after several months and managed to secure a job at NCIX, a computer hardware retailer, where I worked for another year fairly successfully. Again though my anxieties returned and I quit that job too. This time I said I'd return to school, but one class in I realized I couldn't do it and dropped those courses. I went back to NCIX for a short period, 2 months before quitting that job for good. So here I am now looking at getting a job at a supermarket as a clerk. The only real positive of all this work experience is I've managed to salt away about $70k in savings over the years, but that's mostly due to living at home with my parents rent free. Being in Canada with universal heal care certainly helps too. I'm only so-so with savings as I've spent a good 10k or more on my electronics and computer hobbies, Thankfully my parents are extremely supportive.

In the longer term I've signed up for going back to BCIT to get a post secondary degree, already been accepted. But I need to make much headway on my emotional problems between now and the start of the semester in Sept. Or else I'm simply going to repeat history yet again. The supermarket positions that I'm looking at getting will be temporary jobs between now and the start of school again in Sept and I'm trying to tell myself that this isn't quite the setback it feels like and I CAN'T quit this time. I MUST stop running at some point.

As far a therapy and medication goes. I was on Paxil for several years in the past and it helped me a lot. I credit some of my success at 7-11 to Paxil. However about 2 years ago it started to loose its effectiveness despite a doubling of dosage. I weaned myself off that and have been on several different SSRIs since then. Currently I'm on a combination of Cymbalta and a low dose of Abilify as a booster. They seem to help a little but, not much. I've been seeing a psychiatrist now for about a month and 1/2 but I don't really get along with him all that well and don't feel all that comfortable opening up to him. He HAS however given me a referral to a different psychiatric group which does group therapy and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), so I will be changing psychiatrists some time in the next few months.

I'm just not sure what to feel at this point. I'm about to turn 30 and here I am where most people are at 18. Doing grocery store jobs and just starting a post secondary education again. And I have so much experience with running away from my problems that I fear that I will do so again at any moment. I'm quite anxious EVEN over getting this new clerk/teller position, though why I should be is beyond me really. I'm tired of running but terrified of the alternative as well.

UPDATE (AUGUST 21): I never did do the grocery store job and spent the last 6 months or so at home. However the worst of my anxieties has subsided leaving me with medium to high level constant depression. As bad as that sounds its a marked improvement. Still not confident about school in the Fall. Oh well we'll see what happens.
Posted by Locut0s | Tue Feb 21, 2012,

WTF is wrong with it's parents, enabling this kind of shit?

[GOBUCKS]

This nut would get along great with Dennis the Menace.

[Vagabond]

I always thought it was "Locust" after the swarming pests that destroys all vegetation in whatever area they land in.

I don't know how much of a trekkie you are, but the borg are the only freaking place in any universe where collectivism and communism actually works.  It only works because all independent thought, movement, and curiosity is subsumed to the collective.  Characters in some of the Star Trek Universe books that have been captured and managed to break free even for an instant describe at as "euphoric" and that they hear the thoughts of all the others in the collective instantly.

Locutus (Captain Picard) was intended to a mate for the queen as well as spokesman.  He has memories of her tempting him specifically during his time in the collective.  The borg also knew that he had essentially wrote the "book" of tatics that the federation might use against the borg.  Since they had already lost one or two cubes to the federation, larger losses than they had taken in quite some time, the queen wanted to be able to know the tactics, the borg can only assimilate, not study.  They don't have anything that somebody else didn't invent.

This thread is worthless without a Seven of Nine picture, even if Jeri Ryan's politics are toxic.

[Celtic Rose]

Geekiness is fine. I'm something of a geek myself, after all, I read most the Star Wars book series in High School, and I run with an app that simulates living in a Zombie apocalypse  .  However, most people eventually find a way to combine being a geek with living a regular life. 

[diesel driver]

Has anyone read this DUmmie's journal?

WTF is wrong with it's parents, enabling this kind of shit?

The Dumbass parents must be 1st generation DUmbasses, raising the next generation of DUmbasses.

Since DUmbass Loconuts didn't mention any siblings, perhaps the DUmbass parents only made one copy.

Hopefully, DUmbass Loconuts won't reproduce, even by accident.

[67 Rover]

Has anyone read this DUmmie's journal?

WTF is wrong with it's parents, enabling this kind of shit?

Being in Canada with universal heal care certainly helps too.

Well there's your problem right there, a health care system that actually works would have been able to straighten this clown out.

[FiddyBeowulf]

Geekiness is fine. I'm something of a geek myself, after all, I read most the Star Wars book series in High School, and I run with an app that simulates living in a Zombie apocalypse  .  However, most people eventually find a way to combine being a geek with living a regular life. 

"Zombies, run!"?

[Duke Nukum]

Essential the Borg, a high tech spacefaring collectivist commune, were the Democrat Party in Space so he chose relatively well.

[Duke Nukum]

I always thought it was "Locust" after the swarming pests that destroys all vegetation in whatever area they land in.

I nadined it, locutus is Latin for speaker or one who speaks.

Picard was to be the Jay Carney for the Borg collective.

[Celtic Rose]

"Zombies, run!"?

Yes indeed    I love it.