Author Topic: The Greatest Obituary I've Ever Seen!  (Read 1450 times)

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Offline Splashdown

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The Greatest Obituary I've Ever Seen!
« on: March 13, 2013, 02:09:47 PM »
Saw this on Ace, had to bring it over!

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Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies' man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.

Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer's black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee's Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.

The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter's death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.

He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversized "old man" remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel. He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians. He was fond of saying a phrase he coined "I am not running for political office or trying to get married" when he was "speaking the truth." He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal--just like Napolean, as he would say.

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Let nothing trouble you,
Let nothing frighten you. 
All things are passing;
God never changes.
Patience attains all that it strives for.
He who has God lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.
--St. Theresa of Avila



"No crushed ice; no peas." -- Undies

Offline vesta111

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Re: The Greatest Obituary I've Ever Seen!
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2013, 04:03:55 PM »
Saw this on Ace, had to bring it over!

Read the rest!
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Yup, Obits sure have changed in the last few years.

Looking at the Obits of the past, they were short and sweet.  Name, address, survivors and name of parents, perhaps a mention of their job.

I started noticing a few years ago the changes in Orbits as they personalised the departed.   Some began to name the pets as survivors and the names of their children or their own significant others or partners.

Wonderful idea, people we had known for years had so much more to them then we knew.

An older RN who taught first aid, we had no idea she had been a nurse in Nam and had to haul patients off the choppers as they came in with wounded.

The old fart that drove my dad nuts had been in the woods of Germany mushing about in snow up to his hips, He was a only 5'6".

Never know even in ones own family the hero's that are not know until they die.

 

Offline longview

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Re: The Greatest Obituary I've Ever Seen!
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2013, 08:09:42 PM »
That's cute.  Sounds like an interesting fellow. 

Offline njpines

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Re: The Greatest Obituary I've Ever Seen!
« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2013, 01:38:15 PM »
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Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer's black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee's Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.

I MUST HAVE THIS!!    :drool:
Piney Power!!

Grow your own dope -- plant a Democrat!

"We will preserve for our children (America), the last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done."  -- Ronald Reagan.

"Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you." -- Quest for the Holy Grail

Offline chitownchica

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Re: The Greatest Obituary I've Ever Seen!
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2013, 01:44:54 PM »
Very nice :).
I LOL'd at the Vienna sausage line.  My grandmother in Arkansas says it like that.