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Author Topic: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide  (Read 4294 times)

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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #25 on: January 20, 2013, 09:02:34 PM »
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
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Offline BattleHymn

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #26 on: January 20, 2013, 09:22:14 PM »
Looks like a lot of guest traffic to this one, from what I've seen.  I'm sure the primitives are aghast at the responses here.

To them, I say, if one of your own wants to kill himself, who are we to just his intentions?  Keep your laws off of his body!   
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Offline Big Dog

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #27 on: January 20, 2013, 09:25:11 PM »
Quote from: BattleHymn on January 20, 2013, 09:22:14 PM
Looks like a lot of guest traffic to this one, from what I've seen.  I'm sure the primitives are aghast at the responses here.

To them, I say, if one of your own wants to kill himself, who are we to just his intentions?  Keep your laws off of his body!   

Think of it as a late-term auto-abortion. Just a clump of tissue.
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Offline jukin

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #28 on: January 20, 2013, 10:15:22 PM »
More proof that the DUmp is full of the mentally retarded and the mentally ill.
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Offline YupItsMe

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #29 on: January 20, 2013, 10:16:08 PM »
Quote from: Carl on January 20, 2013, 06:04:22 PM
How does one fail at hanging themselves?

Too long a rope.  :thatsright:
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #30 on: January 21, 2013, 06:26:38 AM »
Quote from: formerlurker on January 20, 2013, 04:17:33 PM
So let me get this bouncy straight - the guy found hanging too long and painful (seriously can't make that up if you wanted to), and he took many many pills (baby aspirin?).    Thank goodness he didn't have a gun...because??? it's idiot proof?   
 :whatever:
Not quite.

Back in the 50's' when daddy ran the country store, a blind man's wife brought him around every week selling brooms he had made. He lost his sight when he shoot himself in the temple with a 38. It went in one side and came out the other clipping both optic nerves.
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"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #31 on: January 21, 2013, 06:30:25 AM »
Quote from: formerlurker on January 20, 2013, 04:17:33 PM
So let me get this bouncy straight - the guy found hanging too long and painful (seriously can't make that up if you wanted to), and he took many many pills (baby aspirin?).    Thank goodness he didn't have a gun...because??? it's idiot proof?   

 :whatever:

Usually, when something is made 'idiot-proof,' the world builds a better idiot.

Obviously, this ain't the case here.

It's like a monkey trying to screw a football.
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Offline Big Dog

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #32 on: January 21, 2013, 07:04:40 AM »
NAME THAT DUmmy

About 20 years ago, I tried to do a swingcide. I got scared so bad that I've never thought about offing myself ever since.

My first wife (I've been married 5 times, my 2nd wife hanged herself, my 5th wife got shot by the cops, the other 3 were divorces, I've got very poor judgement about women) was threatening to leave me for another man. I told her that I would hang myself if she did. She said, "It's your neck, if you want to break it, that's your business". Very cold. After she left, I tried to hang myself 3 times. The first time, I got an old rope in the garage, tied a noose in it, and tried to hang myself in the garage, but the rope broke. Then I went to the hardware store to get some good high-quality hemp rope. The hardware store salesman looked at me strangely, and told me that he wouldn't sell it to me, that I didn't look right, that I looked like I was going to hang myself. At the next hardware store, the guy looked at me kind of funny, and said, "I don't have any rope, not a drop". I could see the coils of rope behind the counter, he was lying to me. I yelled at him, "What makes you think I'm going to hang myself?"

The third hardware store had a young guy at the counter, and he sold me the rope without question. I went home, and tried to hang myself again. This time I had tied the rope too long, and my feet went all the way down to the floor. I had failed again. The third attempt, I tied the rope to a tree in the back yard. I kicked the stool out from under me, and I felt myself drop, and then I heard this loud "Ghaack!" and everything went black. I could feel myself swinging. I could hear this high-pitched laughter, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from. Then I could sense that the demons of Hell were standing around me, laughing and enjoying it. They thought it was funny. They were saying stuff like, "All right! We got him! Yeah! Ha! Ha! Way to go!" I was scared shitless. I knew I was about to die and go to Hell.

I felt myself drop again, I hit heavily on the ground on my side, and then all the light came swimming back in. My next door neighbor was standing over me with a machete. He had cut the rope. He yelled at me, "Of all the damn fool things I have ever seen, this takes that cake! You stupid idiot! You could have died!" I was angry at him, and I wanted to kick his ass. But he saved my life that day. I wrenched my neck pretty badly, it took several weeks for the burn marks to go away.

Offing yourself: It's not worth it.

Ralph

ObT: I shitted and pissed myself while I was hanging there.
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #33 on: January 21, 2013, 07:48:25 AM »
Quote from: Big Dog on January 21, 2013, 07:04:40 AM
NAME THAT DUmmy

About 20 years ago, I tried to do a swingcide. I got scared so bad that I've never thought about offing myself ever since.

My first wife (I've been married 5 times, my 2nd wife hanged herself, my 5th wife got shot by the cops, the other 3 were divorces, I've got very poor judgement about women) was threatening to leave me for another man. I told her that I would hang myself if she did. She said, "It's your neck, if you want to break it, that's your business". Very cold. After she left, I tried to hang myself 3 times. The first time, I got an old rope in the garage, tied a noose in it, and tried to hang myself in the garage, but the rope broke. Then I went to the hardware store to get some good high-quality hemp rope. The hardware store salesman looked at me strangely, and told me that he wouldn't sell it to me, that I didn't look right, that I looked like I was going to hang myself. At the next hardware store, the guy looked at me kind of funny, and said, "I don't have any rope, not a drop". I could see the coils of rope behind the counter, he was lying to me. I yelled at him, "What makes you think I'm going to hang myself?"

The third hardware store had a young guy at the counter, and he sold me the rope without question. I went home, and tried to hang myself again. This time I had tied the rope too long, and my feet went all the way down to the floor. I had failed again. The third attempt, I tied the rope to a tree in the back yard. I kicked the stool out from under me, and I felt myself drop, and then I heard this loud "Ghaack!" and everything went black. I could feel myself swinging. I could hear this high-pitched laughter, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from. Then I could sense that the demons of Hell were standing around me, laughing and enjoying it. They thought it was funny. They were saying stuff like, "All right! We got him! Yeah! Ha! Ha! Way to go!" I was scared shitless. I knew I was about to die and go to Hell.

I felt myself drop again, I hit heavily on the ground on my side, and then all the light came swimming back in. My next door neighbor was standing over me with a machete. He had cut the rope. He yelled at me, "Of all the damn fool things I have ever seen, this takes that cake! You stupid idiot! You could have died!" I was angry at him, and I wanted to kick his ass. But he saved my life that day. I wrenched my neck pretty badly, it took several weeks for the burn marks to go away.

Offing yourself: It's not worth it.

Ralph

ObT: I shitted and pissed myself while I was hanging there.

DUmmies need government assisted suicide......wait a minute, ain't that in Obamacare.
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“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline Karin

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #34 on: January 21, 2013, 08:25:58 AM »
The OP DUmmie apparently tried leaning into the rope.  Didn't do the kick-the-stool method, as that would be maybe too final. 
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Offline 67 Rover

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #35 on: January 21, 2013, 09:19:03 AM »
Quote from: Karin on January 21, 2013, 08:25:58 AM
The OP DUmmie apparently tried leaning into the rope.  Didn't do the kick-the-stool method, as that would be maybe too final. 

More likely a failed attempt at Auto Erotic Asphyxiation. Don't judge him though, the way things are headed it will soon be added to the ever growing list of normalized behaviors.

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Offline Vagabond

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #36 on: January 21, 2013, 10:09:01 AM »
This DUmmie is like the suicide calls the local fire department gets from time to time.  No one that is serious about suicide is going to call anyone, they just do it and be done with it.   The ones that call and say, "I just took a lot of pille tot try and commit suicide by taking a bottle of aspirin," want attention.
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Offline 98ZJUSMC

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #37 on: January 21, 2013, 10:59:48 AM »
Quote from: Karin on January 21, 2013, 08:25:58 AM
The OP DUmmie apparently tried leaning into the rope.  Didn't do the kick-the-stool method, as that would be maybe too final. 

He only wanted to kinda-sorta hang himself so he could bouncy for his fellow retards.
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: DUmmy Can't Even Succeed At Suicide
« Reply #38 on: January 21, 2013, 01:01:46 PM »
Bungee cord would have made it a better bouncy. :-)
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“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin
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