Hillbilly Sayings

[CG6468]

 
"I'll whup you so bad you'll hollar "ya'll stop!!!" and it'll be just me."

"He's as happy as if he had good sense."

"Keep it up, son, and I'll cancel your birth certificate."

"That ol' boy is about as useful as a screendoor on a submarine."

"She can't help that she's ugly, but she could have stayed home."

"You don't know dipshipt from apple butter."

"I don't wanna suggest that she's homely but she looks a little like death suckin' a sponge."

"That ol' boy is tighter than a bull's ass at fly time."

"You could start an argument in an empty house."

"He's so dumb he couldn't piss his name in the snow."

"Do what I'm-a tellin' ya or I'm gonna smack you nekkid."

"He's so stupid he couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat."

"I'm so hungry my belly thinks my throat's been slit."

"Too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash."

"There's a tree stump  over in a Lousiana swamp with a higher IQ than his."

"Yeah, he could fall in a barrel of shit and come out smellin' like a rose; me, I could fall into a barrel of titties and come out suckin' my thumb."

"It's rainin' like a tall cow out there!"

"Boy, I'm sweatin' like a whore on a nickel high!"

"I'd rather nail my nuts to my knee than to do that!"

"A sniper wouldn't take that ol' gal out."

 

[Eupher]

"You couldn't find your ass with a road map."

"Go ahead and look up 'dumbass' in the dictionary and tell me if that don't look familiar."

[rustybayonet]

Dumber than a box of rocks.

Smarter than a pickle.

If he had half a brain, it'd rattle around in his head like a BB in a boxcar.

She wasn't beat with an ugly stick - the whole tree fell on her.

If I wanted any sh*t out of you ... I'd squeeze your head.

[Zeus]

Nuttier than a Squirrel turd.

I’m having more fun than a tornado in a trailer park.

Boy, when you got nuthin' to say, you say it.

[rich_t]

I'll slap the taste out yur mouth.

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

It's rainin' like a cow pissin' on a falt rock.

You're about as useful as tits on a porcupine.

I'm sweatin' like a whore at a tent revival.

[Eupher]

A couple of quotes from Larry the Cable Guy:

I was reading the paper the other day because my neighbor got up late.

I had a girl put on crotchless britches for my birthday one time. I come home, she was like, “want some of this right here.” I go, “No, look what it did to your underbritches over there.”

I’m on that diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That’s a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver’s license.

I went out with this one girl, and she scared me. One day she says to me "Soon you're gonna hear the pitter-patter of little feet!" and I'm thinking, "Oh Lord, she's pregnant"... She ended up leavin' me for a midget.


source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/comedianjokes/larrythecableguyjokes.html

[CG6468]