Imagine if Pearl Harbor happened today.

[dandi]

Copied from Free Republic by the DUmmy. Worth reading the whole parody:   

edbermac (10,862 posts)

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Idiot freepers showing their trademark wit: Imagine if Pearl Harbor happened today.
Went there to see their reaction to Charlie Crist and came across this gem. And the replies are typical, some dope rewrote Roosevelt's Date In Infamy speech as if Obama was giving it.




To the Congress of the United States
Yesterday, Dec. 7, 1941 - a date which will live in international relations - the United States of America was suddenly and unexpectedly visited by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.

The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with the government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific.

Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced activities in Oahu, the Japanese ambassador to the United States and his colleagues delivered to the Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent American message. While this reply stated that it seemed complicated to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of workplace violence.

It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the activity was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the Japanese government has deliberately sought to communicate with the United States, despite our nation’s provincial inability to understand or respect Japanese culture and its expressions of hope for continued peace.

The workplace violence yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused some bad feelings among our naval and military forces. Allegedly, some American lives have been lost. In addition, American ships may have been inconvenienced on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.

Yesterday, the Japanese government also initiated workplace violence in Malaya and several other locations.

Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise workplace offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already come to understand our culpability in these matters and now seek to understand what happened.

As commander in chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that all measures be taken to understand why we have angered the Japanese and determine how to best make amends.

Always will we remember the character of the superior, peace-loving Asians.

No matter how long it may take us to overcome this alleged instigation of workplace violence, the American people in their righteous shame will win through to absolute understanding of how to better our relations with The Empire of Japan.

I believe I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only better ourselves to the uttermost, but will make very certain that this form of justifiable outrage from Japan shall never trouble us again.

Mistakes were made. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests have much to apologize for.

With confidence in our armed forces - with the unbounding determination of our people - we will gain the inevitable betterment of ourselves as we shed the shameful, false belief of “American exceptionalism.”

I ask that the Congress declare that since the unfortunate incident at Pearl Harbor, a new era of understanding will commence between the United States and the Japanese empire. I am, therefore, asking Congress to appropriate the sum of one hundred billion dollars to jump-start this effort.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2966627/posts

Excuse me while I go get some aspirin.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021945318

Sounds pretty believable to me.

Star Member Gman (20,860 posts)
1. They have their own variety of naturally occurring stupidity

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that post from FR is just stupid. I can't think of any different a word to describe it.

Kurovski (32,660 posts)
3. +1000

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and grandaddy bush trading with the Nazis. Hell, didn't cheney trade with Iraq during the first war?

xfundy (2,454 posts)
5. Ever seen their "political cartoons?"

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Just sad and spiteful. And stupid. Never remotely humorous.

As opposed to the idiotic and completely inane "comics" like Doonesbury and Tom Tomorrow? Get over yourselves.

[Freeper]

That was pretty good, I love the newspaper, Government responds to crisis by expanding 0bamacare. 

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

Kurovski (32,660 posts)
3. +1000

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and grandaddy bush trading with the Nazis.

Joe Kennedy said we should capitulate to the Nazis.

[WinOne4TheGipper]

That was awesome.

[franksolich]

Oh my.

That speech is awesome.

Perhaps Barack Milhous can hire the "freeper" who wrote it, to be his presidential speech-writer.

[Randy]

If Pearl Harbor had happened today they'd still be denying anything happened while drawing up our surrender papers.

[Freeper]

If Pearl Harbor had happened today they'd still be denying anything happened while drawing up our surrender papers.

They would find a youtube video and say that is what caused the attack, and when that fails they would blame Bush.

[Chris_]

That newspaper was pretty funny.  I'm glad it gives the little turds a tummyache to read it.

[Ballygrl]

If that isn't the truth!

[Zathras]

It must be pretty good since it's driving the DUmbasses crazy.

[Ballygrl]

That Looking Spoon site is a hoot, look at the merchandise they offer

[vesta111]

Joe Kennedy said we should capitulate to the Nazis.

You forgot our Hero Charles Limburge who was a friend to Germany. 

[USA4ME]

Gman (20,860 posts)

They have their own variety of naturally occurring stupidity that post from FR is just stupid. I can't think of any different a word to describe it.

Baloney, son.  If one of us were to punch you in the nose, like a good little sissy lib you'd sit there and take it.

.

[Zathras]

You forgot our Hero Charles Limburge who was a friend to Germany. 

Umm, who is this Charles Limburge you're speaking of? Maybe you're thinking of Charles Lindbergh?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Lindbergh

Charles Lindbergh was not a friend of Germany as you speak of. He did tour Germany during 1939 and 40 at the behest of the US Government, examining the aircraft of the Luftwaffe. He was also involved with the anti war movement prior to our entry into WW2 but, once the war started for America, he joined the USAAF. In the USAAF he sued his skills at long range flying to train our pilos in the Pacific how to extend the range of their aircraft. Thanks to his training, 16 P-38 pilots were able to execute the longest ranged intercept of the war on 18 April, 1943, a flight of 1000 miles round trip, to shoot down the architect of the Pearl Harbor attack, Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Vengeance