primitive has breakdown at work

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11512107

Oh my.

Denninmi (4,015 posts)    Wed Nov 7, 2012, 02:57 PM

Well, I just had another breakdown here at work.

The worst since my big breakdown with the therapist 2 weeks ago. Had to run down to the men's room and cry my eyes out. Good thing I was alone in there. Trying to calm down and compose myself.

Over the same thing, that ****ing b**** of a quack physician who ruined my life. I want the life I had back, plus the improvements I am now making. I can never get it back. I don't know if I can ever feel whole again, ever feel that some part of me is not a dangerous, defective monster. My self worth, my very sense of self, was stolen from me.

There really aren't words to adequately describe how I feel about how I was treated. The closest I can come is this:

I feel like I was raped.

All I asked, and then pleaded, was to handle this quietly, outpatient, discretely in a manner which would not expose me, not make it known I was mentally ill. She completely disregarded what I want. No compassion, no consideration of how this would affect me. Just threats and ultimatums.

A five minute diagnosis. Five more minutes to arrest, indict, try, and convict. Like a North Korean kangaroo court. Then three weeks, three of the most miserable weeks of my life, waiting for the system to carry out the execution of my soul.

Even if it were medically necessary, which I vehemently dispute, it could have been handled with much more sensitivity, compassion, caring. I was told absolute nothing, given no information at all to base a decision on, no rational for a plan of treatment. I was deprived of my right to make an informed decision, to consent. I was given ultimatums under threat. I wasn't asked what I would like to happen, I was told how it would go down, no choice.

I went in to this woman seeking help, compassion, care. I emerged an hour later shattered, treated like a common criminal and feeling like one, and truly suicidal for the first and only time in my life. Degraded, dehumanized, utterly lost in hopelessness. I was NEVER suicidal before that hour. Yes, I had thoughts, but no intention, and it was along the lines of "someday, if I'm sick or old or in pain, I would do it" -- more like what Jack Kevorkian was fighting for than what I observed in many of my fellow inmates (patients) in the psych ward. That day, for a few hours, I really wanted to find that overpass support and hit it dead center at 90 mph. The only thing that stopped me was the thought it would devastate and probably kill my mother. She was horribly abused by my psycho of a sad, sad excuse for a father, and she doesn't deserve more pain.

I told her what would happen if she forced me to do this. I told her it would ruin my family relationships, which were already strained, I told her it would destroy my chances for a meaningful way to make a living, it would ruin me financially, it would crush me emotionally. She could care less. It has done all of that to some extent already. And it has turned me into a deceitful liar, one lie after another after another to cover my tracks so no one else in my life finds out my secret. So much for the Hipocratic Oath of first do no harm.

I haven't called her yet to cancel my scheduled appointment and tell her I will never be back. I'm afraid I will say too much, tell her off, tip my hand.

I am researching MedMal lawyers. I am going to make an appt. and pay someone a 200-300 bucks for an hour of their time just to listen. I know psych MedMal is about the most difficult of all, nothing is quantifiable. It will go nowhere, I know this going in. But I have to do this for my own peace of mind.

No, this will not destroy me. **** that, I am never going to allow that incompetent travesty of a physician take me down.

Because that would mean she won. I'm the winner of this one, and I'll be damned if I' m goiing to be destroyed, even if part of my soul is now dead to me forever. It means I have to work twice as hard, twice as long. It means when I set the weights on a squat machine at the 70 lbs I am comfortable with now, that I have to move the pin down to 90, and do 30 reps instead of 20. It means that I'm signing up for the fitness class after weight loss is over, and for the program they call Boot Camp after the 12 weeks of fitness is over. It means I'm taking the boxing lessons in the spring when I am physically ready. It means I have to fight to the death.

**** that bitch. I' m sorry to all of the women of DU for the use of that derogatory term, I consider myself an ardent feminist, but I know no other word that expresses what I feel.

Denninmi (4,015 posts)    Wed Nov 7, 2012, 04:36 PM

5. Nothing material has changed.

No event, no development.

In one sense, I am just feeling sorry for myself today.

In another sense, I am furious over how this played out. I'm not sure if I'm more upset with her for her methods, or myself for being so naive and stupid about what I said to her. As I have said probably ad nauseum, I was just trying to be brutally honest, I thought it was necessary to be completely honest with your physician. Now I question whether I will ever be comfortable doing that, whether I can ever trust a doctor again. I want to, they are probably like ever other group of humans, 95% are good and do as they should, but it's the bad 5% we remember most.

I'm a good guy, I never hurt anyone in my life, and I never will. I'm a good guy who was in a bad place in life, and I just wanted help and support, and instead I was treated like a criminal, and it made me think everything important to me in life was taken away from me.

I'll be ok, these little setbacks last a few days, and then I channel all of this whatever it is, fear, anger, sorrow, grief, mourning for what was taken from me through no real fault of m, I channel it into moving forward with all I've got.

But today, just for a little while, I'm feeling sorry and wallowing in it. Tomorrow is another day, and I'll be ok.

[txradioguy]

Pay attention lurkers...one of your fellow DUmmies just gave you a peek behind the curtain at Obamacare.

[Kyle Ricky]

Is he upset that he can't get anyone to like obama? Or is he upset that his scheduled sex change operation got out?

[franksolich]

Is he upset that he can't get anyone to like obama? Or is he upset that his scheduled sex change operation got out?

Best I can tell, because it's pretty vague, is that the physician wisely decided Dennis the Menace up over in Michigan needed short-term institutionalization, which of course would require notifying his employer and family.

[BlueStateSaint]

Here's the lines that stood out:

Had to run down to the men's room and cry my eyes out.

  

In one sense, I am just feeling sorry for myself today.

But today, just for a little while, I'm feeling sorry and wallowing in it.

You'd think that, for once in their miserable existences, that they'd exhibit some restraint of the fingers on the keyboard.  But nooooo.

 

[Vagabond]

This DUmmie went to the psychiatrist and told her he had suicidal thoughts.  She was required by law to report that he may be a threat to himself or others.  He didn't say some day when he was old and frail, he said he was having suicidal thoughts at that time.  He earned his stay in the loony bin.

[jtyangel]

I have a feeling he's an addict of some kind. There's a reason the employer had to know and the family. Much if the recovery process aside from detox is owning something. Wonder too if he requested help as a condition to continue employment(perhaps someone got hurt because of his actions?) and so they have a stake in his diagnosis and prognosis. I'm not sure about these things. Just speculation.

[jukin]

In this case, being a leftist was caused by mental illness.

[Kyle Ricky]

Best I can tell, because it's pretty vague, is that the physician wisely decided Dennis the Menace up over in Michigan needed short-term institutionalization, which of course would require notifying his employer and family.

This DUmmie went to the psychiatrist and told her he had suicidal thoughts.  She was required by law to report that he may be a threat to himself or others.  He didn't say some day when he was old and frail, he said he was having suicidal thoughts at that time.  He earned his stay in the loony bin.

So he was having suicidal thoughts because he couldn't get anyone to like obama, and his sex change operation got out? Of course they would commit him. Psychiatrist have to follow the law. Sure there is the doctor patient privilege, but when you say you are having suicidal thoughts, you are there for a danger to yourself and the public, and the psychiatrist has to report it. The psychiatrist did good by having him committed and letting his family and work know.

[franksolich]

In this case, being a leftist was caused by mental illness.

I suspect that's Dennis the Menace's problem.

He wants to be sane, and he wants to be a primitive.

Now, one can be one thing or the other, but not both things.

He has to decide whether he'd prefer to be sane, or prefer to be a primitive, and it's tearing him apart.

[wasp69]

TL, DR, DGAF.  If it's that bad, DUmbass, feel free to take my advice:

[Skul]

Dummininny is certainly an emotional little bitchboy.

[USA4ME]

Denninmi

All I asked, and then pleaded, was to handle this quietly, outpatient, discretely in a manner which would not expose me, not make it known I was mentally ill.

(snip)

It means when I set the weights on a squat machine at the 70 lbs I am comfortable with now, that I have to move the pin down to 90, and do 30 reps instead of 20. It means that I'm signing up for the fitness class after weight loss is over, and for the program they call Boot Camp after the 12 weeks of fitness is over. It means I'm taking the boxing lessons in the spring when I am physically ready.

"If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do.  Instead, try and get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised."

- Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)

.

[Karin]

I don't know what the problem is, and I don't care.  His abject misery pleases me.

[wasp69]

"If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do.  Instead, try and get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised."

- Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)

.

 

Maybe I should call this crazy ****er to do my lawn when the voices in his head get too loud.

[Celtic Rose]

Quite simply, a doctor is not likely to institutionalize somebody unless they are a risk to themselves or others.  People are committed for being suicidal with a plan, not for thinking that someday they would be willing to be euthanized. 

[DumbAss Tanker]

I have a feeling he's an addict of some kind. There's a reason the employer had to know and the family. Much if the recovery process aside from detox is owning something. Wonder too if he requested help as a condition to continue employment(perhaps someone got hurt because of his actions?) and so they have a stake in his diagnosis and prognosis. I'm not sure about these things. Just speculation.

Yeah....kiddy porn, probably, and the thing that forced it to go see a doc was to try and therapy its way out of being fired and prosecuted.  You can tell by reading between the lines that this critter doesn't just have a garden-variety drug or alcohol problem, there was something seriously deviant that it got caught at which painted it into this corner.

[franksolich]

Yeah....kiddy porn, probably, and the thing that forced it to go see a doc was to try and therapy its way out of being fired and prosecuted.  You can tell by reading between the lines that this critter doesn't just have a garden-variety drug or alcohol problem, there was something seriously deviant that it got caught at which painted it into this corner.

Make of it what you will: aged mid-40s, lives with mother.

[Rebel]

Denninmi (4,015 posts)    Wed Nov 7, 2012, 02:57 PM

Well, I just had another breakdown here at work.

Had to run down to the men's room and cry my eyes out. Good thing I was alone in there. Trying to calm down and compose myself.

 

[Zeus]

Yes sir re Bob the best way to keep your psychological breakdown hush hush is to blab about it on the internet .

[BlueStateSaint]

That's one emoticon I didn't get around to using.

[Chris_]

That's one emoticon I didn't get around to using.

[BlueStateSaint]

Another one . . . 

[Rebel]

Another one . . . 

 

[franksolich]

Yes sir re Bob the best way to keep your psychological breakdown hush hush is to blab about it on the internet .

The primitives never seem to understand that, and then get all bent out of shape when they find perfect strangers know all about them.