http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018195837Oh my.
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:34 PM
President Of A Company Grabbed My Wife
My wife was at the gym this evening and it happens to be her birthday so at the end of a class this guy who is a president of a realty company goes by her, grabs her shoulders and kissed her with a glancing kiss as she turned away and said "happy birthday." She was stunned as he was going directly to her mouth. Is this assault? I could really use some help on my options here other than beating the guy's ass which I would so love to do. This is beyond my scope of understanding so any help would be appreciated.
Systematic Chaos (7,680 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:41 PM
1. Do what feels right.
If it lands you in jail, then maybe it was wrong.
^^just found out has
five cats in that cramped, smelly apartment.
Five cats. Poor cats.
There should be a law prohibiting primitives from owning live animals; it's cruel and inhumane, and besides, given that this is the Las Vegas Leviathan, when he runs out of food stamps, he might eat them.
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:45 PM
3. I know what would feel right
But I'd rather do it the right way. I'm a tad pissed off right now because this guy had every intention of kissing her on the lips and damn near did landing right next to her mouth on her cheek.
undeterred (31,802 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:44 PM
2. 3 questions
How did he know it was her birthday? Do they know each other?
What difference does it make that he is a president of a realty company? In this situation he was just another person in her gym class.
How did she interpret what happened? What is a "glancing" kiss? Was she upset by it?
Context is everything.
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:47 PM
6. You bet she's upset
She called the gym and the class instructor and told them what happened. They are supposed to call this guy tomorrow.
bigwillq (58,807 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:45 PM
4. Awkward but I don't feel like it's assault
Guy shouldn't have done it, very comfortable, but, imo, not assault.
This thread is really odd
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:49 PM
8. I'm not a troll if that's what you're getting at.
This actually happened. I've been reading DU since it began.
bigwillq (58,807 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 12:05 AM
14. Didn't say you were
Just said it was an odd thread.
lastlib (1,863 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 07:28 PM
40. If it's unwelcome, it's assault. Period.
She obviously didn't want kissed on the lips--she turned her head away. That means "NO". It's assault. Period.
CaliforniaPeggy (98,477 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:47 PM
5. How does your wife feel about it?
I think this is really her call.
RiffRandell (2,130 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:49 PM
7. No it's not assault.
It was inappropriate. If you beat the guy's ass, then that would be assault, and most likely land you in jail.
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 10:51 PM
9. So anyone can just go up to anyone
And grab them and plant one on them???
Apparently if one was Vast Teddy, or is the Impeached One, yeah, sure, it's okay.
RiffRandell (2,130 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 11:00 PM
10. I'm no shrink, but if she is so traumatized and apparently you are, why don't you press charges, then seek some therapy?
I've had guys that made advances at me and totally shut them down. However, I have seen The Accused and don't make light of rape or sexual harassment. Peace.
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 11:03 PM
11. No, I can tell
You're no shrink. Hey, thanks for all the enlightening advice. Forget I brought it up.
pipi_k (14,435 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 09:23 AM
32. No, they can't...
It probably isn't assault, but according to this
http://www.superpages.com/supertips/assault-and-battery.html
any unwanted touching can be "battery".
I'm not a "touchy-feely" type of person...I keep my hands to myself. I don't like it when others touch me. Especially not strangers or someone I don't know well.
If someone did that to me, I would feel violated. If your wife is upset, then I would say a letter to the offender is in order.
TheMadMonk (4,909 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 11:47 PM
12. Yes it is assault. DELIBERATE unwelcome contact is assault.
elleng (34,284 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 12:48 AM
17. No its 'battery,' and same if you beat the guy's ass.
lastlib (1,863 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 07:29 PM
41. That would be battery.
elleng (34,284 posts) Tue Sep 18, 2012, 11:59 PM
13. At Common Law, assault is an intentional act by one person that creates an apprehension in another of an imminent harmful or offensive contact.
Two separate offenses against the person that when used in one expression may be defined as any unlawful and unpermitted touching of another. Assault is an act that creates an apprehension in another of an imminent, harmful, or offensive contact. The act consists of a threat of harm accompanied by an apparent, present ability to carry out the threat. Battery is a harmful or offensive touching of another.
The main distinction between the two offenses is the existence is the or nonexistence of a touching or contact. While contact is an essential element of battery, there must be an absence of contact for assault. Sometimes assault is defined loosely to include battery.
So NO, if he actually touched her, she was not assaulted, she was 'battered.'
Whoa, to the phrase in bold, above.
I want to remember that, the next time a primitive reaches out and touches me; in the past it most definitely has caused a great deal of apprehension to rise up within me; nerve-wracking anxiety.
I mean, it's unfortunate that people usually have to touch franksolich so he knows they're there, but man, when I'm surprised, and turn around, and see it's a primitive, It's a good thing I'm wearing brown pants.
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 01:45 AM
22. Yes he touched her.
He leaned in as she leaned away and kissed her next to her mouth. Oh and then said "Happy Birthday" and then something else she couldn't quite make out. I know my wife and if she had been expecting this that guy would have been in a world of trouble but she was just shocked and couldn't believe that happened. He also quickly left the room so she didn't have a whole lot of time to digest the situation to react.
elleng (34,284 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 02:04 AM
24. Not official legal advice.
This does technically appear to have been assault and battery, but as apparently no harm, physical or otherwise, was intended, I suspect that no prosecution would be likely.
IF she is seriously emotionally effected, please care for her, medically if necessary. If expense results, counsel might approach the man for compensation.
Sorry.
The problem with the elleng primitive's legal counsel, though, is this (and yes, she's a
bona fide attorney)--when the elleng primitive was locked in a bitter divorce with her ex-husband, another attorney, one time he gave her a bunch of real-estate papers to sign.
She, an attorney, remember, signed them without reading them.
No wonder she lost the farm in the divorce.
nolabear (10,962 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 12:20 AM
15. I'd suggest initially giving him the benefit of the doubt. Your wife might go to him and say
"I wanted to let you know that kiss made me uncomfortable. Please don't do that kind of thing again." And then let it go. Who knows; he might have done it for any number of reasons. Some people are just absurdly inappropriate and it doesn't mean what it would if someone else did it. Some are jerks but easily backed off.
If he does anything like that again or demeans her complaint in any way you are certainly fair to step in and tell him in no uncertain terms that you are going to complain to the gym and tell them it's their responsibility to insure the safety of their patrons and you want them to talk to him, and assure them that you'll discuss this with their other customers. And DO it. If they won't do that then go somewhere else.
Honestly, beating him up won't get him in trouble. It'll get you in trouble. And I know you're mad and she's mad. But don't go all out at the very beginning, unless your wife is frightened of him.
That's my two cents. Good luck.
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 01:52 AM
23. Yes sorry to post this.
I just had to vent and there are much worse things in life than what happened to her but it still wasn't right.
HipChick (7,981 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 12:33 AM
16. she should have just knee'd him in the nuts..
works for me everytime, never had any complaints..
emilyg (22,703 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 12:54 AM
18. How did he know it was her birthday?
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 01:15 AM
20. First of all thanks all for the advice
Now they knew it was her birthday due to the instructor is a friend of my wife's on Facebook. She announced it in class as she does everyone. I could let this go much easier if it wasn't for the fact this is one of those obnoxious type of guys that always wants to be the center of attention according to my wife. Loud and crude.
CreekDog (33,072 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 04:44 AM
25. they weren't giving you advice
different poster.
^^uh-huh; only the quick discerning eye of franksolich noticed there's an "elleng" primitive--an attorney--at this campfire, and also an "emilyg"--not an attorney.
emilyg (22,703 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 01:35 PM
35. That was a generic "thanks" from the op
He has gotten a lot of advice.
CreekDog (33,072 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 01:43 PM
37. No, your screen name is similar to the person who actually gave advice
you did not.
that's my take.
emilyg (22,703 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 04:28 PM
38. Gee - you think this is so important? Bless you.
emilyg (22,703 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 06:43 PM
39. Some quiete words with this guy - telling him it was not appreciated.
mykpart (3,611 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 01:02 AM
19. Follow up with the gym to see what they do.
If possible, you should accompany your wife to the gym next time she goes. Calmly let the man know that his actions were inappropriate and that you expect his assurance that nothing like that will ever happen again. And document everything, just in case.
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 01:25 AM
21. I've calmed down enough
To think more clearly now so I will take your advice and try to reconcile this in a peaceful manner. Sorry to come across as harsh earlier I was just upset.
avebury (1,863 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 07:53 AM
26. It sounds like the guy, at minimum, owes your wife an apology.
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 08:24 AM
30. I will post the outcome.
We'll be speaking with gym management and hopefully the perp this evening so we will see what happens.
Baitball Blogger (4,627 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 08:22 AM
29. Oh, good idea.
A gym is an interesting environment. That creep could have been watching the wife for a while and was just looking for an opportunity to cross that line. This calls for some serious cock blocking.
Whoa.
Talk about a colorful phrase; never heard that one before.
dawg (4,219 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 08:20 AM
27. I would have a heart to heart talk with this man .... face to face.
I would not literally threaten him, but he would get the message.
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 08:48 AM
31. I plan on it.
We have a meeting this evening and I will keep my cool but from what I've heard about him this just may prove to be a difficult task. This happened after a spin class as my wife was wiping down her bike. He just approached her, grabbed her by her shoulders, kissed her. Freaky? Hell yes it's freaky and that's why my wife was completely stunned. The thing is this guy had no business touching my wife at all. At all.
pipi_k (14,435 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 09:53 AM
33. I think people should keep their hands to themselves under all circumstances unless they know for a fact that the touching will be welcome.
Another situation that really sort of pisses me off is when people think they have a right to touch, rub, or otherwise make contact with a pregnant woman's tummy. Without permission, I mean.
I never touch unless invited to.
Major Nikon (5,946 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 10:00 AM
34. Give him a kiss yourself in return
And tell him "Merry Christmas".
That should **** with his mind a bit.
Baitball Blogger (4,627 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 08:20 AM
28. Over the top.
Definitely a private sector sleaze with no Federal accounts. Very creepy.
hedgehog (28,323 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 01:38 PM
36. I suspect this is a European/Canadian practice that is working its way in from the coasts.
Casual acquaintances kissing each other upon greeting.
Although, it should be a peck on the cheek.
damnedifIknow (36 posts) Wed Sep 19, 2012, 07:34 PM
42. So I decked him.
No, he left before we got there. Anyway we talked with the gym manager and he told us this guy is not allowed in any classes that my wife attends. He assured us it would not happen again and told us the guy said when asked why he did it "I don't know, I had a brain fart." So we are thinking this has happened before to other women but this time he was called on it. Maybe he will now think twice before trying to pull this again with someone else. He had the balls to do this to my wife but didn't have the balls to face me.
