"Hello? Is this President Morsi's office? . . . It is? Could you please put me through to him? . . . Yes, I'll wait. Thank you. . . . Dum de dum dum. . . . Yes, is this President Morsi? . . . Hello, Mohamed! This is Barack. . . . Barack Hussein Obama, you know, your brother from another mother. I'm calling from here in the United States. . . Yes, Mohamed, Allahu Akbar to you, too. . . . How am I? Well, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. And how about yourself? . . . You're fine, too. Good. I'm glad that we're both fine. . . . Now listen, Mohamed, about these embassy things. I just called to apologize to you VERY DEEPLY about what a bunch of infidels we have here in this country. . . . I know, I know, may they all be spat upon by camels and have their testicles crushed. . . . It's just, you see, we have this silly little 'freedom of speech' thing here in America, and, frankly, there's not much I can do about it at the moment. We're TRYING--believe me, we're trying--to do everything we can to stop them, but some of our folks are kind of, well, obstinate. . . . Yes, I know, Mohamed, it would be so much simpler if we just gunned them all down, but this is an election year, and that sort of thing would not go over too well. . . . So, what I guess I'm saying is: What do you want me to do to appease your crowds? . . . An apology tour through the Arab world? I could do that. Could it wait till after the election, though? I've got a lot of fundraisers to attend right now. . . . And, and what? Five billion dollars more in aid? We could do that. . . . Made out to your personal account? OK, let me talk to my people and I'll get back to you. . . . Fine. Alright then. And may a thousand virgins greet you in paradise, too, Mohamed. Bye now."
