Author Topic: Funeral and last wishs  (Read 2317 times)

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Offline vesta111

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Funeral and last wishs
« on: September 15, 2012, 03:26:33 PM »
I got this from watching an old Alfred Hitchcock  program and began to wonder ----

Who are the funerals for, do they benefit the deceased or the family's and friends ????  Do the dead have the right to reach out from the grave to vent their hate or love from those still living ????

Seems when Leora Hensley died her wishes were over turned by courts of law.   Her last wishes as to how her money was to be spent , to whom and when were ignored.   The Charity's she she left her money to with a 2 to 3 year lasps demanded their money NOW,  her love of her life that she left $25,000,000 to her Dog named  Trouble  was stripped of the money by the SPCA. Seems Poor Trouble had to live on  $15,000 a year as the SPCA could not wait to inherit the money from the dog.

So the question I  say ,you have a grandparent that has a lot of money and his family is in dire straights.  Grand parent dies and his money is dedicated to this funeral, 30 limosines and  a $50,000 mausoleum for himself. Screw the family he is going out in style.

On the other hand a family that revers a relation, the relation decides that they be cremated and scattered to the winds.   So what is correct, does the family say ignore the wishes and hold a big funeral for their loved one,  have closure  ??

I will never forget the look on the Brothers faces when they came to my Moms home when Dad passed.   She told them Dad did not want a Masonic rite, even as he was a past master, his father was a past master as was his father.   We as family were afraid to question why she did this, but to his day we will never forgive her.

So while you live you have rights but when you die, all rights are gone and it matters not what you desire in life, all is of no matter now that you do not exist.

Who is correct here, do the last wishes of the dead over come the needs of the living ????  Who is a funeral for, the living or the dead ?????

 

Offline ExGeeEye

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2012, 09:27:27 PM »
Depends entirely on who the dead were, and to what degree their heirs etc. believe they should carry out their last wishes (and to what extent their wishes are legally binding).

For example:

A little over a year ago my mother was contemplating death, which she saw as happening within five years or so (in fact, the terminal crisis of her final illness began and ended within a week).  She impressed upon the rest of the family that her remains would be of no consequence to her once she was gone, and the Lord would be able to find them in the last day no matter what happened to them, and we should do it as much on the cheap as possible.

So, we had her cremated, and then brought the simple wooden box back to be buried in her husband's grave (where he had been buried intact, but unembalmed, after a closed-casket graveside service-- "funeral" held two weeks later with a picture and his burial flag standing in for the casket).  Had to add her information to his stone...

One of the other relatives was so appalled  by all of this that she considered putting in her will that she was to be embalmed and have an open-casket funeral "like civilized people".  She has no assets and the rest of us will have to contribute to the most parsimonious of dispositions.  Apparently she's convinced if she puts it in her will, it has to be done.

By that logic, we could all direct that each of our heirs should receive five billion dollars-- and it would have to be done-- somehow.
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Offline vesta111

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2012, 10:28:39 AM »
Depends entirely on who the dead were, and to what degree their heirs etc. believe they should carry out their last wishes (and to what extent their wishes are legally binding).

For example:

A little over a year ago my mother was contemplating death, which she saw as happening within five years or so (in fact, the terminal crisis of her final illness began and ended within a week).  She impressed upon the rest of the family that her remains would be of no consequence to her once she was gone, and the Lord would be able to find them in the last day no matter what happened to them, and we should do it as much on the cheap as possible.

So, we had her cremated, and then brought the simple wooden box back to be buried in her husband's grave (where he had been buried intact, but unembalmed, after a closed-casket graveside service-- "funeral" held two weeks later with a picture and his burial flag standing in for the casket).  Had to add her information to his stone...

One of the other relatives was so appalled  by all of this that she considered putting in her will that she was to be embalmed and have an open-casket funeral "like civilized people".  She has no assets and the rest of us will have to contribute to the most parsimonious of dispositions.  Apparently she's convinced if she puts it in her will, it has to be done.

By that logic, we could all direct that each of our heirs should receive five billion dollars-- and it would have to be done-- somehow.

Interesting, but,what about those that pass away with no will ???     I was reminded of a bazaar case in a near by town where all kinds of hanky pankey was going on a few years back.     

Seems the  Coroner had sold a good number of blank  death certificates pre signed, to a local business and the owner could fill in any any name or reason for death.  Discussing this with the [ Dolls Club] I belong to  we can think perhaps this was an insurance scam to cover up a suicide or for those that wanted to go missing.

Seems there was a fire at the Mortuary and what the firemen found inside was devastating, actual body's rotting in freezers and a huge garage filled  with cardboard boxes of unclaimed ashes of people.  One eye wittiness said there was a leak in the roof and the boxes were falling apart and all the ashes mixing together.

One of   my co -members told me of when her mother died she was to be buried with her favorite broach. This was done but somewhere on the closing of the casket and the ride to the cemetery something happend.    A year later she noticed her fathers new wife wearing that broach at church.   

In this neck of the woods we have grandparents telling us story's told to them by their grandparents past on to them of the days of the Grave robbers that dug up the newly dead and sent them to Boston to the medical schools that needed fresh fish so to say.

One of the reasons the Irish have a 3 day wake, First is to insure the deceased is really dead and second to make the deceased not too fresh to tempt the grave robbers.

Interesting industry  perhaps  the second most important job  ever proformed since the cave man days.  The question remains who is the funeral for the living or the dead ??????


Offline Undies

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2012, 10:39:06 AM »
I've been to many many funerals and I have yet to see the deceased participate in any of them.  They are kind of "boxed in" to their role in the pageantry.  This is why I consider the funeral to be for the living. 

Decent people will, within reason, see that the wishes of the deceased are followed.

as for....

Quote
Grand parent dies and his money is dedicated to this funeral, 30 limosines and  a $50,000 mausoleum for himself. Screw the family he is going out in style.

Pre-pay is the way.


Offline ExGeeEye

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2012, 10:39:45 AM »
Objection, your honor-- asked and answered.

:)

Moving on.
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Offline Bondai

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2012, 11:28:58 AM »
Funerals are for the living. For those friends and family who actually had feelings for the deceased it gives them closure. It also allows them to show others that they respected the deceased. For those who could care less it just gives them an opportunity to dress up and try to convince people that they care when everyone knows they don't. Besides there may be some scraps left to pick up. It's totally about the living.


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Offline vesta111

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2012, 12:31:08 PM »
Funerals are for the living. For those friends and family who actually had feelings for the deceased it gives them closure. It also allows them to show others that they respected the deceased. For those who could care less it just gives them an opportunity to dress up and try to convince people that they care when everyone knows they don't. Besides there may be some scraps left to pick up. It's totally about the living.

 :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

I do remember reading about family's that hired mourners to the Cemetery, Weeping and Waling as they followed the horse drawn hearse.

One thing I can never forget is Diana's young sons walking behind their mothers hearse with the flowers atop and the sign that read MOMMY.

Lot's of funerals I remember, the day we spent at Arlington and watched at least 4 funerals, some had a long line of cars following the carrage and one that was so sad, no one left to morn but they recieved the same treatment as the others.  We went to pay our respects to the man or woman burried with no friends or family. We have no idea who they were but felt someone should be there to say good by.

Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2012, 09:33:10 AM »
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

I do remember reading about family's that hired mourners to the Cemetery, Weeping and Waling as they followed the horse drawn hearse.

One thing I can never forget is Diana's young sons walking behind their mothers hearse with the flowers atop and the sign that read MOMMY.

Lot's of funerals I remember, the day we spent at Arlington and watched at least 4 funerals, some had a long line of cars following the carrage and one that was so sad, no one left to morn but they recieved the same treatment as the others.  We went to pay our respects to the man or woman burried with no friends or family. We have no idea who they were but felt someone should be there to say good by.

That, vesta, is H5-worthy.  Duly given.
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Offline Gina

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2012, 11:34:31 AM »
I have told my hubby and everyone else that I want to be cremated and let go on a windy day in the Walmart parking lot.  So I can fly up everyone's nose and bug the shit out of them.  But my mom says she will not allow me to be cremated  :???:  She betta!  I also don't want anything to be done if I am burned. I want to be left to die.  I do not want to live burned up and in pain. Just let me die.   :bawl:






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Offline vesta111

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2012, 07:39:48 AM »
I have told my hubby and everyone else that I want to be cremated and let go on a windy day in the Walmart parking lot.  So I can fly up everyone's nose and bug the shit out of them.  But my mom says she will not allow me to be cremated  :???:  She betta!  I also don't want anything to be done if I am burned. I want to be left to die.  I do not want to live burned up and in pain. Just let me die.   :bawl:

I  like  the cycle  of life idea.  When I die I want to chopped up ,salted down and used as lobster bait.  This will insure for a short while at least my family is fed.

Being of some what sound mind and body I intend to die so poor the check to the under taker bounces.

We all have seen what happens when a wealthy family member dies--------Some times the intire family is torn apart by greed. Then the ones that do inherit money spend it on foolishness and may have to spend some time in Jail or bankruptcy Court.

For those that have little money to leave and those with a fortune, what good does it  do to leave anything to family when you can through the years get the Joy of watching how your money will or will not benefit the loved ones.  Gives one an eye into the future who will squander the money you worked so hard for.

A good reminder is a young woman I know who was left a small amount of money from a grandmother, about $30,000. bucks.  Out of the blue her boyfriend began to insist they get married.    Within 6 months that husband had drained the account dry, left her with charge cards in her name he had used and the new car he bought for himself and to make matters worse he took her dog !!!!.

Help the family while you live, then you can die knowing you have done all you could for them and now it is up to them to do the same for their children.    Leaving a spouse with enough to get along on or minor kids to educate them in case of early death, with all kinds of stipulations as the money for educating if not used is to go back into the family pool.

Theres a saying up here that the worse thing that can happen is to win the Lotto.  All that unearned money  will cause very unfortunate things to you and your loved ones.

Offline Eupher

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2012, 07:51:37 AM »
Funerals are for the living, as has been already noted with some eloquence.

As for me, I plan on checkin' out with little to nothing left. That way I can see a countdown of sorts. When the money's gone, somebody better pull the damned plug. I ain't goin' hungry for nobody.  :evillaugh:

Seriously, though, Mrs. E and I recently updated our Revocable Living Trust. When that sumbitch becomes Irrevocable, it's time to go casket-shopping for the both of us.  :tongue:
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Offline vesta111

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #11 on: September 19, 2012, 08:23:00 AM »
Funerals are for the living, as has been already noted with some eloquence.

As for me, I plan on checkin' out with little to nothing left. That way I can see a countdown of sorts. When the money's gone, somebody better pull the damned plug. I ain't goin' hungry for nobody.  :evillaugh:

Seriously, though, Mrs. E and I recently updated our Revocable Living Trust. When that sumbitch becomes Irrevocable, it's time to go casket-shopping for the both of us.  :tongue:

Best look into everything before you go casket shopping.   Man, the things that happen when you are in shock from a sudden death, or even prepared for the inevitable.  

Hubby's family has a family mortician, everyone in the family that passes goes to the same business.  Most do have prepay plans but that don't stop the businesses from increasing the cost by hook or by cook.  

Example, SIL's husband died, he thought he had everything arranged----SIL in shock was told new laws had been passed since her Hubby made his arrangements years ago and now she had to pay extra to have him embalmed.   Not true, he was not going to pass into another state.   $$$$$$ more for the business and who knows if it was even performed.  

Then she was blinded sided with the knowledge  the casket he bought was too small for him as he was a large man.   She needed to up grade the casket at considerable cost or as she was told they would have to break his bones to get him to fit.  $$$$$$$  


This old lady ended up paying $5,000 extra and over the cost of a so called prepay funeral.  It seems that 30 years ago when he had his arrangements made he had paid for what he wished for in a simple arrangement of flowers a top the bottom of his casket.  The cost of flowers he paid for 30 years ago now came down two Daisey's and a bright red ribbon. [ a dozen roses at that time cost $5.00]    

Then the Cremations thing, some family's want a private viewing before hand,  I have seen some weird crap here.    The diseased brought out and laid on a table like they were at a buffet as the main meal, some for some reason had been embalmed, 12 hours before the Crematorium, extra $$$$$$ added to the expenses.

Quick story here, when Dad died we never got a viewing, just that the undertaker called to tell us dads ashes had arrived at the Parlor.    With   out a thought we all sped hell bent for leather to the Home arriving unannounced.  Had to have been a dozen or so of us.  We barged in and the granite box with dads ashes was brought out and placed on a table.  Hard to believe that Dads forcast for the future that he would end up in a shoe box had come true.  

I his only child went over to touch the box and the son of a gun was hot, radiating heat from the fire.   I somehow managed to call the others over to feel the warmth and equate it with the passion and love he had for his family.  

We humans do very odd things when we say good by to a loved one, we go a bit nuts with the loss and that may keep us sane.  

We fill the coffins with pictures and momentous the same as the Egyptian mummy coffins,  We in some cases take photo's of the deceased in their coffin, a reverse on baby pictures.   When Cremated we have the funeral director place objects the deceased loved in the box with their ashes.    

Some by request have a favorite Pet put to sleep and follow them into the great beyond beside them.

The whole point of my posts is that I have lost a couple good friends lately and as we are of the same generation my own mortality comes into question.  What the heck will the people I love do to me when I become part of the other world.  And more importantly is what the heck will I do the next time a loved one passes before me.        

Offline Gina

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #12 on: September 19, 2012, 08:25:37 AM »
What the heck will the people I love do to me when I become part of the other world.

Leave me your body.  I will take care of you.   :fuelfire:

 :-)






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Offline IassaFTots

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #13 on: September 19, 2012, 09:34:12 AM »
My father, Lord rest his soul, had a lot of requests for his funeral.  Seems he couldn't decide where to be buried, so he was cremated, divided, and buried in Quantico, Missouri, and Maine.  I had just turned 30.  Got a lot of frequent flyer miles that year.  By the final service, six weeks after his death in Missouri, I was done for.  My stepmother and I were the only two that completed my dad's farewell tour of 1998 without missing a stop.  I presented the Eulogy at all three, and wrote three different ones, for three different audiences.  That was a mess. 

Me?  Truly I don't care what happens to my remains.  I won't be attached to them at that point, and I am not leaving anyone any money to do some elaborate burial or anything else for that matter.  :-) 
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #14 on: September 19, 2012, 09:37:18 AM »
My father, Lord rest his soul, had a lot of requests for his funeral.  Seems he couldn't decide where to be buried, so he was cremated, divided, and buried in Quantico, Missouri, and Maine.  I had just turned 30.  Got a lot of frequent flyer miles that year.  By the final service, six weeks after his death in Missouri, I was done for.  My stepmother and I were the only two that completed my dad's farewell tour of 1998 without missing a stop.  I presented the Eulogy at all three, and wrote three different ones, for three different audiences.  That was a mess. 

Me?  Truly I don't care what happens to my remains.  I won't be attached to them at that point, and I am not leaving anyone any money to do some elaborate burial or anything else for that matter.  :-) 
So then it's a cardboard box for you?

I feel the same way.
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Offline vesta111

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #15 on: September 19, 2012, 09:49:16 AM »
Leave me your body.  I will take care of you.   :fuelfire:

 :-)

 :-) :-) :-) :-)

Yes I bet, problem is when you could sell a body to a teaching hospital are long gone.  There are so many unclaimed body's that go there they now pay you not to send in Aunt Ethel.  Sort of like paying farmers to not plant corn.

What to do with a dead Vesta,  well I am sure my skull will bring a fair price on the Voodoo market in New Orleans.   None of my organs are worth anything for transplant,  way too much smoking and drinking in my youth and later years.

Cannot use my skin to make a vest,  years of sunbathing destroyed that. As I am a slim old lady, not enough flesh or fat to sell to a dog food company.    With my bone problems it would be difficult to make bone jewelery to sell.

So at best to sell me to a Florida's Alligator farm by weight would bring you in perhaps $20.00 and that will not cover in any way the shipping and handling charges.

You could if wealthy have me stuffed and seated at the end of a dinner table for interesting dinner conversations for the guests.

You could salt a mine with toe bones and have the archaeologists a running to rent the land to dig on.    Interesting most people do not know what to do with a live Vesta, I would like to know what you could do with a dead Vesta.

I love you Gina, you are so much fun.


Offline Gina

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #16 on: September 19, 2012, 09:53:09 AM »
I wouldn't make money off of you.  Just put you through the wood chipper after target practice with my son.  :-)






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Offline vesta111

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #17 on: September 19, 2012, 11:06:37 AM »
I wouldn't make money off of you.  Just put you through the wood chipper after target practice with my son.  :-)

Darn Gina that would save my family a lot of money.     Now after the wood chipper perhaps an area for a compost pile to let season for a year or so.  You could be known far and wide for growing  these magnificent roses you name the Vesta Bloom.

People would be coming around from all the world to get clippings and pay big time for just one of the  Rose Hips left after fall.

Wonderful idea, I would live in a sort of puppetry , you get rich and well known and my family would sue your ass off .

Sounds like a go for future generations------Shall we dance ??

Offline Gina

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Re: Funeral and last wishs
« Reply #18 on: September 19, 2012, 11:16:36 AM »
Darn Gina that would save my family a lot of money.     Now after the wood chipper perhaps an area for a compost pile to let season for a year or so.  You could be known far and wide for growing  these magnificent roses you name the Vesta Bloom.

People would be coming around from all the world to get clippings and pay big time for just one of the  Rose Hips left after fall.

Wonderful idea, I would live in a sort of puppetry , you get rich and well known and my family would sue your ass off .

Sounds like a go for future generations------Shall we dance ??

You would be a marvelous weed killer.  :cheersmate:






"An army of deer led by a lion is more to be feared than an army of lions led by a deer." Phillip of Macedonia, father to Alexander.