vesta, your posts are very much like stream of consciousness. It can be pure genius in the hands of a master, sadly you are not one. What you have is more like a greek cathartic play. That would be great for you if you had to get whatever was bothering you off your chest, but it only works if you have an empathetic, or sympathetic ear on the other end. IOW, it has to be mutual, I haven't seen one person on the forum fill that role. Therefore, you would be better off on a psychiatrist's or psychologist's couch, or both.