Bostonian Drunkard posting drunk

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5993827

Oh my.

WilliamPitt  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Fri May-16-08 06:51 AM
Original message

OK, ya bastids. It's 6:30am, I'm quite completely drunk...and here we go.   
(I started typing at 4:30am, and lost my train of thought exactly seventeen times, but I have never let little things like not making sense stop me from...um...not making sense. Anyway, proceed with caution, you've been warned

*hic*

Been a while since I've attempted to navigate a keyboard with a skinful of Jameson and Gritty's Scotch Ale. No, it isn't easier with practice. Well, yeah, it actually is. Oh, hush.

By the way, and not for nothing, if you want to post on DU while cross-eyed blasted, I finally figured out the trick. Hell, it only took me seven years, 40,000+ posts and maybe a thousand moments I'd like to forget but can't, because I typed out some watever and...

...Oooh, yeah, the trick.

Ready:

DON'T REPLY. EVER.

The OP process was always smooth as butter, cuz we're all Shakespeare in our little DU post-a-thread box. No, the train would always flip the tracks if I replied to posts in my own thread, especially if I replied to posts from vindictive Dean '04 people in the last iteration of this hyperlink bedlam asylum...you want to talk about grudge-keepers...man...

...but when you post drunk, whatever happens (fire/flood/meteor strike/Godzilla attack) is your fault automatically, because you're the idiot and you're posting with one eye open and a glass of scotch at your elbow...and someone replies with comments that are stupid enough to embarrass stupid people, and you know that, but you're drunk, so you take a swig and maybe even have good intentions when you reply to the reply, but this story ALWAYS has an unhappy ending, which often includes outrageous spelling errors and maybe a beat-down from Skinner to boot.

Yeah. Memories...in the corners of my mind...all say the same thing: DON'T REPLY. Post your ass off, have a ball...but save your rapier wit and excellent typing skills for the morning. Trust me...there are people here and there and wherever who'd like to see me in Hell with my back broken, and I'd apologize if I could only remember whatever the **** it was that pissed them off...it was some reply to some reply, I think...or something.

DON'T REPLY.

Because, seriously, scary Jedi/ninja grudge keepers once prowled these halls, serious people who may still be here, voodoo-doll-making people whose dolls actually worked, who therefore collected pins and/or anything sharp so as to ventilate the doll that looks like you if you were a doll who didn't support Dean. These people remembered that misplaced comma in your post three years ago and used aforementioned punctuation error as an allegory to explain how wrong you are and will always be, how your candidate sucks, how you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny, etc., and yeah, it was a comma, but like I said, these people were wizards, masters of bad-feelings-all-around sorcery.

And...um...yeah, so...hate to say it, but...HA. 2003-2004 makes this place look like Captain Kangaroo's happy silly place for ping-pong balls and fun, etc. Basically, simply put, it was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse in 2004. Don't take that as a personal challenge. Instead, count your blessings. Someone hates you for calling Clinton a racist, or for calling Obama a rookie? Ooooooo...*snort*. Call me when you've wound somebody up enough that they threaten to kill you. But only call me if they really mean it.

2004. Feeeeeeel the magic.

P.S. 99.9999999% of the shit I got back then was actually created by...yup...me. I haven't really waded into the zoo here this time around, though I read it every day (man, some of you need an 8th grade civics textbook like the desert needs the rain, no offense, or lots, but it's true), but that's because 1) I don't have the stomach lining available to be decicated to smash-typed replies to posts that God couldn't even understand, and; 2) I have too much shit to do;, and 3) the 2004 bloodbath showed me exactly what kind of asshole shit I am capable if given a keyboard and 20 minutes...and that guy sucks, so **** him.

I'm everyone's friend this time around. I haven't insulted anyone (sorta), and I have for damn sure spoken with nothing but respect for both candidates and their campaigns. That part was easy, because I meant it. I decided who I support in the voting booth back in February, and I stand proudly by my choice, but it is a hell of a thing to have lived from Nixon to Bush, to have seen so much shit, to have pretty much whored myself out to shitass bag-o-hair candidates in the name of "the greater good" because it was either that or take up firebombing...coin toss...

...and this year, I'm in the booth literally having a Lincoln-Douglass debate with myself...because here were two kick-ass candidates, both of whom are amazingly flawed in different ways (my rule of thumb: if you've heard of a candidate, it means they have signed up to work with The Program in exchange for a shot a the title, which means they are NOT ON YOUR SIDE), so dig your own grave and lie down, or else do as Ms. Ivins said and dance with them what brung ya, even if you can't stand the stink. It isn't about me being happy or satisfied with my votes or my positions.

The Devil or the Deep Blue Sea, right? The perfect is the enemy of the good, but goddam, what passes for "good" nowadays could use a little polish and maybe some integrity...or something...so I had my debate and made my decision and cast my vote in that booth, and what I realized after inking the box was this: I'll take either one, and will throw down for either one after the balloon party and the bullshit, so we can put on our steel-toed boots and helmet and mouth-guard and Holy Water cologne and whatever else might get us from Now to Later in one piece, so we can use those boots to kick Ol' Johnny-Boy up one side of Main Street and down the other, because keeping guys like that out is more important than letting our favored cretins in, just a little bit, but enough.

I was born into this Age Of Bedlam, I didn't have a say when they backed Hussein in '79 or when they overthrew Mossadeq in '53 or when they changed the economy to suit the bullet-makers in '47 or when they taught Bin Laden how to undo a superpower in '89 or when they legalized political bribery in '76...I didn't have a say, but I'm tasked to sweep up all the bones and busted glass left behind, and all I have is the idea that is America and the Constitution and the rule of law. That's all any of us have...and you know what?

That's enough.

I don't expect to live to see the repairs I sweat daily to try and make happen, maybe, after the quorum and if they have the votes and if nobody says we're soft on defense or whatever. Whatever, indeed. The idea is worth a lifetime of toil and setbacks and votes for the lesser evil, and is absolutely worth my death after a life dedicated thus...because if I do what I can, even in the dark and to no apparent effect, I will have at least bent my knee and given what I could to the idea. The idea deserves no less, and to me, that is a life well spent, come what may.

One of the most magnificently cheesy, totally trite yet basically awesome anyways lines I know by heart, one of the really raw-voltage bursts of truth I keep close to what passes for my heart, was uttered maybe ten thousand million years ago by a president named Clinton, who will be remembered for beating some seriously twisted ghouls at their own ****ed-up economic game, and who will be remembered for getting crucified over two long televised years for daring to do so.

He said:

"There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be fixed by what is right with America."

Gospel.

So.

I'm drunk, and have been typing since Lent or something. Give me a break, if you can. This is the fourth national election I've spent on DU (that's FOUR, 1 2 3 4, quattro, your hand without a thumb, the Brady Bunch with a bastard child sharing the bottom bunk, four goddam times, two of which resulted in calamity, one in a checkmate, and one yet to be determined), so have a heart.

Seriously, though...

Obama crew: Don't go whomping on Clinton supporters if you're for Obama and think you've got it made and have some grudges to settle. First of all, be thankful that there are people like the Clinton supporters on DU who give as they get, who care, who are loyal to the crew they chose, who don't give a **** about your hurt feelings, and who may be in the foxhole with you someday if the deal finally does go down. Second of all, schadenfreude is ugly in any language. Pray you don't have to suffer similar feelings of anger and frustration come November. Pray hard. And third, speaking from experience, just give it a rest for your own sake. You must have better things to do than wage word-war with some screen-name...and if you don't, you need to find it fast.

Clinton crew: thank you for the service you have given your country, and **** anyone who says otherwise. Oh, also, if you can manage it, please please please please vote for the Democratic nominee come November. Remember, this isn't about you (nor about me, nor about anyone else here who pissed you off, etc.), but is about the idea of America, which will not do well at all under another GOP pillage-and-be-dumb regime run by McCain, who openly embraced Bush's all-powerful Executive branch concept. Nothing that has happened here or elsewhere to make you hurt, nothing but nothing, nothing could be bad enough that you refuse to participate. Decisions are made by those who show up, and patriots show up. You have served long, hard and with love. Don't stop just yet. And thank you again, from my heart.

I might have had a point when I started this, but that's pretty much a lost cause. So let me try to make a point up on the fly...

My mom tells a story about some fight-to-the-death mess she got into with her brohters when she was wee. Her mom broke it up and said something she has always remembered, and has repeated to me and whoever else could use some straightforward wisdom.

"You and us, you and your brothers, you and your family, is all you've got in this world."

Properly grim Irish Catholic stuff...but yeah. We're all we've got in a bunch of ways. You hate those candidate backers and they hate you and it's so frustrating...

Bag that shit.

We're all we've got. 99% of people here believe absolutely in 99% of what you believe...and if you're willing to throw out the baby with the bathwater over 1%, that probably means you're one of those useless zealot loudmouths who jumps from cause to cause and gets nothing done but your conscience is simon-pure, a trait shared by narcissists everywhere...

...or you're just plain crazy, made so by too much participation in an invisible insane asylum populated by brave flame-warriors who post under fake names and type shit they'd never say to your face, which makes you do the same, and that's just noise. If you're so wound up by whatever goop someone posted at you twelve primaries ago that you are planning to piss away your unbelievably important vote just to get back at someone named "Cheney8MyBalls" who you'll never meet, etc., it is safe to say you have lost your perspective. In other words, go outside, meet people with real names, press the flesh, wear down that shoe leather, and for the luvva Christ, VOTE "D."

We're all we've got, in the sense that pretty much none of us can talk about all this madhouse shit, can vent, can learn, can flip out, anywhere else the way we do here. The fund-drive threads seem to indicate a lot of people are bullshit at the Admins (for, um, like, giving us a free place to abuse each other? Hell, 30 years ago, that was a felony, but what this place was back in 2001 is still what this place is. We are here, and we need each other, and we're all we've got.

Cheese-fest over. Be kind to each other. Vote. Defeat Republicans.

I'm not really drunk anymore, which is A Good Thing. Experiencing the onset of a hangover while still awake. Not so good. Ow.

If you've read this far, wow, like, what were you thinking?

We're going to win. All of us. So there.

I omitted all the stupid "smilie" things with which the Bostonian Drunkard decorated posts; "smilies" are such a woman thing to do that no honest red-blooded American male writer would dare use them.

Anyway, there's comments, but I wanted to get this up, as it's new.

[franksolich]

I read the primitive comments after I posted this; they're well worth seeing in the original.

The Bostonian Drunkard condescends to speak to the unterprimitiven, and the carpetbagging maternal ancestress banters a bit with him, taking the rather serious problem of her rich heir too lightly.

[JohnnyReb]

I agree with him on one point, they all could use a civic's book. .......but they'd just sit drinks on it.

[Ralph Wiggum]

I read that screed twice, and I still don't understand what the F*** he's talking about.

[PatriotGame]

WilliamPitt  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Fri May-16-08 06:51 AM
Original message

OK, ya bastids. It's 6:30am, I'm quite completely drunk...and here we go.   
(I started typing at 4:30am, and lost my train of thought exactly seventeen times, but I have never let little things like not making sense stop me from...um...not making sense. Anyway, proceed with caution, you've been warned

Pitt has a moment of clairty and the world never noticed.

[Splashdown]

...and this year, I'm in the booth literally having a Lincoln-Douglass debate with myself...because here were two kick-ass candidates, both of whom are amazingly flawed in different ways (my rule of thumb: if you've heard of a candidate, it means they have signed up to work with The Program in exchange for a shot a the title, which means they are NOT ON YOUR SIDE), so dig your own grave and lie down, or else do as Ms. Ivins said and dance with them what brung ya, even if you can't stand the stink. It isn't about me being happy or satisfied with my votes or my positions.

Wow. how many metaphors can you mix together?

Now the other shoe is on the horse of a different color! 

[DixieBelle]

Oh my. I can't get through his screeds at all.....

[TheSarge]

(my rule of thumb: if you've heard of a candidate, it means they have signed up to work with The Program in exchange for a shot a the title, which means they are NOT ON YOUR SIDE

So considering who you worked for and the fact they were a candidate people have heard of...you are admitting that you on not on the "people's" side eh Pitt?

You are an employee of "The Program" as well?

FWIW...I don't think he was drunk...IMHO he was stone cold sober...he uses the "I'm drunk" statement to try and insulate himself from the Hitlery and Barakstar! factions within DU and the rocks they could potentially hurl at him.

[franksolich]

FWIW...I don't think he was drunk...IMHO he was stone cold sober...he uses the "I'm drunk" statement to try and insulate himself from the Hitlery and Barakstar! factions within DU and the rocks they could potentially hurl at him.

Yeah, I suspected that too.

I'd hesitate to call the Bostonian "stone cold sober" when he wrote that, but it has a different flow, from when the Bostonian Drunkard is in his cups up to his elbows.

[Chris_]

He's feeling neglected.  His mother should call him and tell him how special he is.

[Chris_]

FWIW...I don't think he was drunk...IMHO he was stone cold sober...he uses the "I'm drunk" statement to try and insulate himself from the Hitlery and Barakstar! factions within DU and the rocks they could potentially hurl at him.

Yeah, I suspected that too.

I'd hesitate to call the Bostonian "stone cold sober" when he wrote that, but it has a different flow, from when the Bostonian Drunkard is in his cups up to his elbows.

Over time, the body builds up a resistance to the effects of alcohol. The boston drunkard probably requires a TON of booze before he hits theouter edges of what most people would call "drunk." 

Note he doesn't transpose letters or words and his over-the-top (*yech*) purple prose style is very much in play. He doesn't seem particularly angry.

Overall, he was probably drinking all night (why any adult would brag about that is beyond me, unless it is, as suggested "plausible deniability."), but he was on the down turn (sobering up with a few beers) and wanted to leverage his situation.

[BEG]

I read that screed twice, and I still don't understand what the F*** he's talking about.

Better you than me.

[Chris_]

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2017173/posts  PJ has DUFUd this thread.

[BlueStateSaint]

I've got a question for y'all . . . When has the Pittstain ever not posted while drunk?

[Randy]

He's feeling neglected.  His mother should call him and tell him how special he is.

You misspelled stupid there.

[dandi]

Ladies and gentlemen, you just witnessed the internet version of "just talking to hear your head rattle".

[BlueStateSaint]

I've got a question for y'all . . . When has the Pittstain ever not posted while drunk?

   What I meant to say was this:  When has the Pittstain ever posted when not drunk?  I realize that the first version might be a tad cryptic . . .